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oooooooooo I might have given my oldest daughter a back handed compliment and not realized it. She was a solid B student in HS but capable of A's. She went onto college and did B work again (but capable of A's). Now she is in her last semester of grad school and has a 4.0. I recently told her when she showed me her grade GPA that I was "pleasantly" surprised. I should have just said I was proud of her and I will when I talk to her next time.
I really think backhanded compliments are more hurtful than "brutally honest" or plain old put downs. Reading everyone's comments really reinforced that for me.
^^^^^^Meanwhile she's spent the first 18 years of your life training you to accept backhanded comments!
Yessss, I could tell you stories. Words can harm as much as hands. But I've had therapy, and she's an old woman now whose six living children visit her more out of duty than of love. And we taught our own children not to take the mean things grandma says to heart.
Yessss, I could tell you stories. Words can harm as much as hands. But I've had therapy, and she's an old woman now whose six living children visit her more out of duty than of love. And we taught our own children not to take the mean things grandma says to heart.
My SO's dad is like that, he has a couple of martini's and then will sometimes say some mean shyt to her. So, she still visits him, out of guilt I suppose. He's in his mid 80's, I'm just biding my time,if you know what I mean.
There's been a couple of times that I'd like to have knocked the shyt out of the old man.
My SO's dad is like that, he has a couple of martini's and then will sometimes say some mean shyt to her. So, she still visits him, out of guilt I suppose. He's in his mid 80's, I'm just biding my time,if you know what I mean.
There's been a couple of times that I'd like to have knocked the shyt out of the old man.
My SO's dad is like that, he has a couple of martini's and then will sometimes say some mean shyt to her. So, she still visits him, out of guilt I suppose. He's in his mid 80's, I'm just biding my time,if you know what I mean.
There's been a couple of times that I'd like to have knocked the shyt out of the old man.
That's awful .It especially hurts when a parent says such things. I know my mom has let slip out how she really feels about me a few times, as well. Doesn't make me like her any better. Worse is when I call her on it and tell her I won't be talking to her anymore because of the way she has become in her old age, and she turns and says I am a troublemaker who doesn't want to keep the peace in the family.
LOL I have a friend who fishes for compliments...she'll cook us dinner and then apologize for how bland it is or how she overcooked the fish...whenever she does that I say "it's okay...it tastes wayyy better than it did the last time"
LOL I have a friend who fishes for compliments...she'll cook us dinner and then apologize for how bland it is or how she overcooked the fish...whenever she does that I say "it's okay...it tastes wayyy better than it did the last time"
Oh that is so funny.
Reminds me, too, of the scene in The Joy Luck Club where the girl brings her white boyfriend home for dinner for the first time. The mother brings out the last dish to the table and says, "This is just something I made at the last minute...it isn't very good...", obviously a Chinese custom after which the guest is supposed to praise this dish above all others. The white guy tastes it and says, "No, it's fine! It just needs some soy sauce!" and proceeds to dump a bottle over the food while the family looks on in horror.
Reminds me, too, of the scene in The Joy Luck Club where the girl brings her white boyfriend home for dinner for the first time. The mother brings out the last dish to the table and says, "This is just something I made at the last minute...it isn't very good...", obviously a Chinese custom after which the guest is supposed to praise this dish above all others. The white guy tastes it and says, "No, it's fine! It just needs some soy sauce!" and proceeds to dump a bottle over the food while the family looks on in horror.
LOL I remember that...i haven't seen that movie in years; the book was much better yeah but she does that constantly...she'll get dressed and then talk abut how awful she looks so one of us can tell her how good she looks...nope I always go the other way and agree with whatever she's saying
Last edited by nat_at772; 01-04-2010 at 01:12 PM..
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