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To me settling is marrying someone you are not physically attracted to just because you do not want to spend the rest of your life alone. So you will settle for anybody that gives you the time because you are that desperate.
What is this SETTLING crap women are always coming up with? You may as well put both feet in your grave.
This relates to my recent response to you about the 3 ratings a man has. Some women will not settle for any man who is not high on the first of these, the initial physical attraction. However, most also want the second too, the ability to woo her with smooth BS, that seals the deal. "Romance" is very high on their agenda and such men provide it.
As well, both these attributes are very important to impress their girlfriends and many young women have backed themselves into the corner in this regard, by making outrageous statements or pledges about the minimum "qualities" they will accept in a man. They are therefore reluctant to settle for less, because they'll lose face. (this is why "nice guys" are so detested - its like eating healthy food - no fun) Its only after a decade and a half of fruitless searching and waiting that they start to outgrow these fairy tale beliefs. Often, a ticking biological clock convinces them to make a hasty decision.
Its the third set of attributes of men -those that keep a relationship strong after marriage - that are subject to default settling. Here is where many women never really consider the true nature of the man they are after. Settling of this type is often an afterthought, yet it is here that the consequences are the most severe. Some women are desperate enough to marry a man with obvious deficiencies in this area, because they have few options and believe naively that marriage will change him. When older women legitimately complain about settling, these are nearly always the situations they describe, but they are a small portion of settling. Women no longer MUST get married, like they needed to before 1960, so there is a lot less of this than there used to be.
However, for the rest, they are so blinded by the more superficial qualities of their catches, that they never consider deficiencies in these less obvious attributes. They are sure that since "he loves me", he'll conform to all her desires. When, after marriage, this doesn't work, other behavior modification techniques are employed and these usually lead to a swift divorce or rampant cheating. Such women never even realized they settled. Instead its "all men are scum".
I don't know about men, but a woman "settles" when her relatives, friends, and society in general have applied just the right amount of pressure to break her back.
I don't know about men, but a woman "settles" when her relatives, friends, and society in general have applied just the right amount of pressure to break her back.
well some people settle just because they weight the option of being with someone or being alone and alot of times it seems that much colder to be alone than to be with someone who doesn't exactly make you happy. our self esteem plays a huge part in this especially if we dont have a very high image of ourselves......someone may not be what your looking for in some aspects or even at all but as long as you can say atleast i have someone......and i'm glad someone mentioned it earlier but if a relationship....a serious one is missing intimacy and passion get out of it??? does the other person even care about your physical and emotional needs? a relationship that doesn't meet your needs isn't one at all.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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I consider every relationship I've been in since I was 19 to be settling because I wasn't in love with them. I did love them and tried to treat them well and make them happy, but I just couldn't fall in love again. The way I could tell the difference between being really in love and just loving them is the ones I wasn't in love with, I got over quickly. The one I was in love with, I never did. Anything from here on out is going to be settling--at 51, I know that now, and I have no problem getting the attention of men.
Location: I never said I was perfect so no refunds here sorry!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Whyte Byrd
I consider every relationship I've been in since I was 19 to be settling because I wasn't in love with them. I did love them and tried to treat them well and make them happy, but I just couldn't fall in love again. The way I could tell the difference between being really in love and just loving them is the ones I wasn't in love with, I got over quickly. The one I was in love with, I never did. Anything from here on out is going to be settling--at 51, I know that now, and I have no problem getting the attention of men.
My sister tells me this, even as I seriously date my girlfriend. She feels that in a sense I'm settling. I haven't put a ring on her finger yet, but I see it happening in the near future (My head is moving faster than my heart- if that makes sense). It's her stance in this whole relationship thing.
When does one settle?
And could one who refuses to settle be considered looking for a perceived 'perfection'?
Why isn't a person who is settling a person who's come to a realization that they've met someone who may not fulfill every item on their checklist, but they have many of them, and the rest they can live without?
This is for discussion only! I don't feel I'm settling btw; as I get to know my girl I find that there are some things about her that I actually need that I hadn't considered in the past, and that's what I'm most intrigued about. I love her.
Your sisters may know you extremely well, and I am one who believes that family may at times see/spot/detect negatives which we are blinded to - and if they are wise, they will warn us.
Having said that, you are the one who may marry this woman. Your sisters are not you. You know yourself and this woman better than they do.
You say you love her - if you do, then you are not settling. If she is a compatible match for you in terms of personality, religion (or lack thereof), education, values, family goals, etc... then you are not settling.
Society may and will always say we can do better... somebody who is prettier/more handsome, somebody who makes more money, somebody from a better family, somebody with a better career... And while that may be technically true, we can also always do worse. Additionally, if we keep our standards that high, men will then only settle for a woman with the charity of Mother Theresa, the body and face of Megan Fox, and the intellect of Albert Einstein.
I personally define settling as choosing somebody just because you would rather not be alone, while ignoring the fact that this person isn't a compatible match. Many of us often lose sight that compatibility is far above and beyond looks. Attraction matters, but only so much.
I'm now dating a tall, slender girl with gentle features (not many curves, not the biggest boobs, not the most curvaceous butt) and her face, while pretty, isn't the type I'd necessarily find attractive instantly. But as I get to know her I'm liking her and I want her to be my girlfriend. She's more attractive to me every time I see her and I find it hard to keep my hands to myself (G-rated, folks; she's got nice hands and hair to die for). Personality wise, we're still getting to know each other and with every date/conversation we learn more about the other and like the other more and more. Hey, she said it.
We're both in this with the mentality that we are looking into a potential long-term thing leading to marriage. If she ends up being the one... I already know she's got a personality (with lots of wit, pragmatism, humor, and diligence) I am comfortable with... and a face (and body) I could love forever. If she's the one - I don't think I will have "settled."
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