Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
"Why can't you just run with something and see where it goes?"
Because many women want to get married now and don't want to waste thier time if it's never going to become a marriage. Why are a lot of women like that/why do they want that? i don't know.
In our society, although it's clearly changing for the better, women are still "validated" through relationships. As a result, women are under a tremendous pressure to get married, or failing that, at least get engaged, or failing that, at least get into a long-term exclusive relationship. Women that do not accomplish this are seen as failures. Women who remain in casual relationships with open possibilities tend to find them unsatisfying -- often simply because society views such women as "being used" and degraded. (And this stems from the old, but tenacious belief that sex isn't mutually enjoyable, but rather something that men want and women give.)
And this is sad -- because no one should be pressured into seeking status through a relationship. Once you realize that many of our hangups about sex and marriage result from social constructs, life becomes much more enjoyable. You can simply let things be and let them take their natural course, without worrying, agonizing, analyzing, etc. But the fact remains that this pressure on women is very strong -- and you may find that even highly educated and intelligent women still feel that life is a total failure unless some guy demonstrates that she is good enough to marry.
That said, I don't agree with the OP's view that love takes time to grow. It actually doesn't. I know I'll get a lot of disagreement here, but real love is almost instant. It changes over time, from something highly sexual and rapturous into a feeling that's more deep and all-encompassing (but also probably less intense) -- but it doesn't "grow". The idea that you can be with someone who makes you feel like "meh" and slowly "grow" to actually love that person -- that only happens in movies. If you've been with a woman for several months and you don't love her, you are never going to love her.
what leads you to believe that pressure on females is a result of society, and not instinct or biology?
do you know of any societies where women appear to feel no pressure to marry, or elicit a commitment from a man?
How is external pressure 'instinct'? How is people questioning you and talking sh*t about you if you're older and unmarried 'biology'?
In most cultures, they families had to get rid of their females or risk having to take care of this person who had no role in bringing money into the family. That's probably why you see that in 'societies' of all kinds.
Why do many women rush to "define" a relationship?
Because they're not interested in wasting their time if you don't feel the same way they do.
...yes and that's because they're mostly more emotionally and socially intelligent than men.
what leads you to believe that pressure on females is a result of society, and not instinct or biology?
When I was at the ripe old age of 23, it wasn't an "instinct or biology" that called me off the hook asking me when I'm finally going to get married and whining that I was giving my boyfriend "the milk for free". No, I'm pretty sure it was my parents. It's not "instinct or biology" that keep killing trees and publishing tomes about how women should just drop everything and get married already, or die withered old maids. It's not "instinct or biology" that trashes unmarried women or single mothers as undesirable, irresponsible, and so forth and so on -- no, I think it's users on this forum, among other people.
Quote:
Originally Posted by le roi
do you know of any societies where women appear to feel no pressure to marry, or elicit a commitment from a man?
So what? How does that prove that the desire for a wedding with bridesmaids is biologically driven?
When I was at the ripe old age of 23, it wasn't an "instinct or biology" that called me off the hook asking me when I'm finally going to get married and whining that I was giving my boyfriend "the milk for free". No, I'm pretty sure it was my parents. It's not "instinct or biology" that keep killing trees and publishing tomes about how women should just drop everything and get married already, or die withered old maids. It's not "instinct or biology" that trashes unmarried women or single mothers as undesirable, irresponsible, and so forth and so on -- no, I think it's users on this forum, among other people.
ok. so you're saying that personal experience leads you to believe this.
i am not convinced, but that's fine.
Quote:
So what? How does that prove that the desire for a wedding with bridesmaids is biologically driven?
wtf? it was a question, and a rather simple and polite one at that. no need to get all new york-ish on me.
How is people questioning you and talking sh*t about you if you're older and unmarried 'biology'?
oh cry me a river.
people talk about everything. that is what they do. you will not convince me that "people talking" constitutes significant societal pressure.
i'm more inclined to think that women instintively love babies and cherish motherhood across all societies. crazy, i know.
Quote:
In most cultures, they families had to get rid of their females or risk having to take care of this person who had no role in bringing money into the family. That's probably why you see that in 'societies' of all kinds.
since women have been economically productive in our society for at least 100 years now, seems to me like your response points toward biology and/or instinct as the driving factor behind women's need to pair up and marry.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
