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Maybe you desire a girlfriend/boyfriend for mutual affection and companionship? It's not just sex.
Right. And that's a friends with benefits situation, not a romantic relationship. And if a someone you're dating is asking you how you feel about the relationship after a few months, it's because she's falling in love with you and can tell that you only like her as a friend. A lot of FWBs start on the same page, but what happens is one person starts developing deeper feelings for the other person and it's not reciprocated.
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Also, I wasn't aware people fall in love so quickly. I've always gone under the whole "a candle that burns too quickly from both ends goes out quicker" thing. How many intense relationships have you seen or heard of where both parties crush early and crush hard and end up fizzling when the spark and lust is gone?
Well in your hypothetical situation, what would cause you to fall in love with a woman after being just a casual relationship for years? Is it possible?
In order for a relationship that starts with crush/infatuation feelings to last and turn into true love, there has to be mutual affection and like for each other, plus common interests. Sexual attraction is not enough to keep a couple together for all their lives. However, that initial lust is the romantic spark that starts off the relationship. Rarely does a situation of a FWB suddenly spark later on into a true love and a romance, especially for the guy.
I was best friends with my boyfriend first. However, the huge difference is that we never had sex while we were in this best friend phase. And towards the end of the platonic stage, sexual tension built up and that was the spark that turned us into lovers and romantic partners. With an FWB there's no chance for any sexual tension or spark to develop. So with your scenario, that woman's only hope with you is if one day you decide that she is the best woman that you're ever going to get and you decide to keep her. But that's not very romantic and smacks of settling.
because women like some of us men are builders, they do it with people we do it with bricks.
but its the same concept do something constructive with your time dont waste it.
Well in your hypothetical situation, what would cause you to fall in love with a woman after being just a casual relationship for years? Is it possible?
Not even in fairy tales. Not even in pinkish pulp fiction you can pick up in a grocery store by the register on your way out. To change a relationship, there must be some kind of a news, something one didn't realize before, didn't know about. What can be new after years of "seeing" each other...
I think answer goes back all the way to tribal times before we had civilizations.
Men have always looked to the outside, to hunt and defend against enemies. Women gathered and organized things and always looked to the inside of the tribe and the tribal dynamics. Men could exist on their own, but women, especially with children, were lambs to the slaughter if the bad guys came calling. Hence women have that little tic in their brain constantly looking to define and reevaluate the relationship to make sure the guy stays and doesn't wander off the reservation and "abandons" them.
Every woman I have ever seen is constantly questioning and examining their relationships with men. As men I really don't think it crosses our mind thinking about the status of our relationships with other people. For me as long as I have a sandwich, clean clothes and some sex, I'm good to roll. Mostly what is on my mind all day is motor racing, naked women, food and maybe a bit of politics, business, cars and guns.
So when you get involved with women, I think you have to accept women are always going to be asking where the relationship is going and how.
Maybe you desire a girlfriend/boyfriend for mutual affection and companionship? It's not just sex.
Also, I wasn't aware people fall in love so quickly. I've always gone under the whole "a candle that burns too quickly from both ends goes out quicker" thing. How many intense relationships have you seen or heard of where both parties crush early and crush hard and end up fizzling when the spark and lust is gone?
Believe it or not, most people know fairly early if something is special and deserves long term consideration. Of course, that requires a fair bit of maturation and wisdom. I honestly know within two or three times of hanging out with a guy if I think he's worth some serious consideration.
For women, there is a strong incentive to play the cards close to the chest. There's alot of guys out there who want (and enjoy) screwing women over, and smart girls need to know his true intentions to know when to bail. Even then, some guys will completely lie. What sucks is that women do become very jaded about this after being misled by men a few times.
When I was first talking to my boyfriend, I was honestly a bit scared of defining the relationship because it does freak out guys, so I didnt. But luckily, things worked out.
Believe it or not, most people know fairly early if something is special and deserves long term consideration. Of course, that requires a fair bit of maturation and wisdom. I honestly know within two or three times of hanging out with a guy if I think he's worth some serious consideration.
Absolutely!
The whole "too intense, too soon" thing means weeks, not months.
After a few months, if you're not anticipating a phone call or a date with someone with butterflies in your stomach, you never will.
...I realize how many women like to define what a relationship is very early on. Why? Why can't you just run with something and see where it goes? To me it seems very insecure to ...want to have a roadmap for this relationship at its early stages.... I think romance is best when it runs off on its own and is not negotiated and defined like a contract.
I'm an older female, and I agree with you - to a point. What do you consider the early stages of a relationship to be? A week? A month? A year? IMO, that's where the (first) communication breakdown occurs.
When I was first dating in the '80's, there was no such thing as an FWB. Being asked on a first date was always with a possibility to a romance if the personalities clicked. With my current boyfriend, I about had a heart attack when he told me right away that he loved me. We'd been best friends online for six months and just spent a month together on a cross country road trip still as platonic best friends. He could tell that I was shocked when he said it, but has no regrets about being the first one to say "I love you". Even now, he still says that he knew right away that I was the perfect woman for him. It took me a few months to catch up to him on the love stuff. I just didn't want to say anything until I was really really sure about us.
Just Another Example of the Differences between Men and Women
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Originally Posted by Barrister85 Maybe you desire a girlfriend/boyfriend for mutual affection and companionship? It's not just sex.
Also, I wasn't aware people fall in love so quickly. I've always gone under the whole "a candle that burns too quickly from both ends goes out quicker" thing. How many intense relationships have you seen or heard of where both parties crush early and crush hard and end up fizzling when the spark and lust is gone?
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Originally Posted by blueseas123
Believe it or not, most people know fairly early if something is special and deserves long term consideration. Of course, that requires a fair bit of maturation and wisdom. I honestly know within two or three times of hanging out with a guy if I think he's worth some serious consideration.
By "most people" you really should say most women.
Women do this quickly. Most men are "washed out" quickly and for a significant portion of them, its before they even get a chance to introduce themselves.
Since they are more nervous about this, men are more inclined to give women the benefit of the doubt. But what they usually find instead, is that time doesn't make the relationship better or more intense. Then they have a problem breaking it off.
In contrast, women have a problem because they make hasty judgments and select from the wrong pools.
Of course, in the end, its all the fault of men. Either we "string them along" in the misguided belief that they may only be nervous and not showing their best side (when in fact, we saw the best from the start and now what was well concealed, is becoming apparent) or we aren't the person they thought we were - or more likely should be - to justify their decision.
Because women want to control their men and manipulate them to do exactly what they want
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Not even in fairy tales. Not even in pinkish pulp fiction you can pick up in a grocery store by the register on your way out. To change a relationship, there must be some kind of a news, something one didn't realize before, didn't know about. What can be new after years of "seeing" each other...
It took me a few months to catch up to him on the love stuff. I just didn't want to say anything until I was really really sure about us.
Just Another Example of the Differences between Men and Women
