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I do think that women who are victims of sexual abuse in early years tend to get sexually active early (teens) and they are very much into sex.
A woman I once knew was just like this. She had been abused and was extremely sexual - she loved sex and when we were together, she was very horny and aggressive.
On an early date, I sensed some issues, and I flat out asked her if something very bad had once happened to her. She was surprised at my question, but she admitted it. I had to move from my seat to one next to her to hug her. To this day I wonder how she held the tears in, although her eyes were bloody red.
I once got involved with someone who I suspect was the victim of sexual abuse as a child. I never confirmed it, but based on statements she made, it was heavily implied. Obviously, it's a difficult subject to talk about if it's happened to you, which is why I never pressed the issue. But it did make me wonder about how it affected her ability to have a healthy relationship as an adult. She tended to be very distancing emotionally, loved sex but didn't seem to like to kiss. She also seemed to be more concerned with giving pleasure than receiving it. The relationship didn't last for many reasons, but one was her inability to form any deep emotional bond, despite her best efforts. She seemed to be fully aware of that and conceded that it was probably why all her previous relationships had failed. Anyways, I was wondering if anyone here has dealt with someone that was abused as a child. Did you see indications that it affected how they have relationships as an adult? I don't know enough about the subject to know how they react or if they all exhibit the same behavior and would prefer not to generalize. How each of us views relationships and bonds with people is heavily influenced by the kind of environment we grew up in. So naturally, sexual abuse is going to have a huge impact and potentially shape the relationships you have as an adult. I'm just trying to get a better idea of how.
I hate sexual abuse because I have seen that if it does not ruin people for life, at the least, it causes people to live dysfunctional adult lives. It's just something you can't shake or forget about completely because you have been violated in such a way that the memory keep resurfacing itself unlike the memory that you put gas in your car just a day ago.
That's really the crux of it all, you have forcefully experienced something so traumatic that you can't forget it, and that alone will manifest into other problems, such as: feeling dirty, feeling that you are less of a man (if you were raped as a boy), feeling ashamed, feeling that you are worthless and unloved (because your parents did not protect you), ect, ect.
Also, when you're young, your mind and spirit (or whatever you want to call it) is still developing just like your physical body, and if somebody comes along and breaks that spirit while it's still developing, that individual is not going to develop a high self esteem, and a sense of self worth as normally as others would.
To be honest, the best thing we can do as a civilization is to stop outsourcing the problem/punishment to bureaucracy and just kill sexual predators after full proof has presented. F***K the government and the F***k the court systems; they just turn the fools loose again and give us the bill.
I hate sexual abuse because I have seen that if it does not ruin people for life, at the least, it causes people to live dysfunctional adult lives. It's just something you can't shake or forget about completely because you have been violated in such a way that the memory keep resurfacing itself unlike the memory that you put gas in your car just a day ago.
That's really the crux of it all, you have forcefully experienced something so traumatic that you can't forget it, and that alone will manifest into other problems, such as: feeling dirty, feeling that you are less of a man (if you were raped as a boy), feeling ashamed, feeling that you are worthless and unloved (because your parents did not protect you), ect, ect.
Also, when you're young, your mind and spirit (or whatever you want to call it) is still developing just like your physical body, and if somebody comes along and breaks that spirit while it's still developing, that individual is not going to develop a high self esteem, and a sense of self worth as normally as others would.
To be honest, the best thing we can do as a civilization is to stop outsourcing the problem/punishment to bureaucracy and just kill sexual predators after full proof has presented. F***K the government and the F***k the court systems; they just turn the fools loose again and give us the bill.
It does not cause dysfuncitonal lives in everyone. That is just your victim mentality and it is an insult to survivors who are living functional lives! Me for one.
I do think that women who are victims of sexual abuse in early years tend to get sexually active early (teens) and they are very much into sex.
A woman I once knew was just like this. She had been abused and was extremely sexual - she loved sex and when we were together, she was very horny and aggressive.
I don't believe this is always the case, but it definitely seemed to be true with the girl I dated.
What's interesting is that, on the outside, she came across as very self-confident. But as I got to know her, it became clear that she was covering up a lot of neuroses and insecurities. I've met a lot of people who do this, which is why I tend to roll my eyes whenever someone says they find confidence to be the most attractive quality in a person. As I realized with this person, people can act confident but be anything but.
dont date emotionally damaged people unless they are getting professonal help.
Huckleberry here has gone straight to the truly pertinent crux of the matter, hooray
what matters most for a healthy relationship, whether there is a history of abuse or not, is whether the person has gotten professional help and has tools to do healthy relationship
for instance big red flags go up when someone says "i don't date someone who's been abused" or "i don't need therapy" or labels any professional treatment (including therapy, 12-step progam, treatment for co-dependence, or addiction recovery) as "psychobabble" and labels anyone who's used those programs as "losers" or "trainwrecks"
Because what it says loud and clear about the person is they haven't done their homework, and they don't have the tools to do healthy relationship. The healthiest people I've ever known are the ones who have sought treatment and use the tools of recovery. They are far healthier, and have far better relationship skills, than those who claim they "don't need it".
We all have some crisis or trauma in our lives. Healing doesn't just happen on its own, it takes work and a conscious effort, and a lot of courage. I'd rather be with someone who has done their homework, than someone with the arrogance of "ewww i don't date people with issues." Grow up. Get real. Everyone has issues, it is the courageous who admit it, seek help, and change their lives for the better.
And one of the biggest red flags and symptoms is the inability to ask for help, the refusal to admit there is a problem, the denial that help is needed.
What's interesting is that, on the outside, she came across as very self-confident. But as I got to know her, it became clear that she was covering up a lot of neuroses and insecurities. I've met a lot of people who do this, which is why I tend to roll my eyes whenever someone says they find confidence to be the most attractive quality in a person. As I realized with this person, people can act confident but be anything but.
This is the opposite as to what I believe, but...to each their own.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Good question. Bad body image, low self esteem, promiscuity, lack of sexual desire, the ways sexual abuse affects people is as varied as the victims. You just need to know the individual to understand it. With me, I don't know how I came out of it so entact. I have a problem with bad body image, that's the toughest I have to deal with. My sisters always tell me they're amazed at my strength. That, in itself, gives me strength, I think. I just can't allow myself to dwell on it.
It does not cause dysfuncitonal lives in everyone. That is just your victim mentality and it is an insult to survivors who are living functional lives! Me for one.
Sorry to insult you, I did not mean for it to come out that way. To be more specific, I have formed my own opinion based on the people who I knew that went through it themselves.
The subject of this thread was interesting. I just wish instead of saying some statement that people who went through this were train wrecks would instead give more concrete examples of the types of behavior that one might need to deal with in a partner who had been abused.
At a certain level everyone has problems. To me a lot of being in a relationship is figuring if both people involved have compatible problems. Differing people have different levels of ability of handling adversity. What one person might consider a train wreck another person might just consider previous dating experience.
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