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what is easy in life? Anything is possible if you want it bad enough.....a positive outlook and enough "want to" will get you so much farther than you think.
what is easy in life? Anything is possible if you want it bad enough.....a positive outlook and enough "want to" will get you so much farther than you think.
once again, i cant stress enough, while a cheery attitude is great and all, if the OP cant see past the "just change" attitude, the marriage wont work
once again, i cant stress enough, while a cheery attitude is great and all, if the OP cant see past the "just change" attitude, the marriage wont work
That's fine.....but its not that it's too hard for him to change......it doesn't take an act of congress.....so if he doesn't change the op will have to realize that a choice might need to be made.
I agree, and say that you need to sit him down and have a heart to heart.
If you can see that he is willing to try to change his habits, then thats a start, but if he is not, then your marriage could be in trouble.
Thank you all for the input. This is my first forum about personal issues.
ADD is in my definition, a problem where the person has difficulty following through with things that do not interest them. My husband grew up in a family of workaholics and he enjoys working hard unless it bores him. For example he is fixing our deck. He works 8-10 hours a day in 90 degree heat, playing with his power tools and completes the job but ask him to organize a day of housechores he is not interested in? Forget it. He also NEVER seeks help outside himself. He should take more responsiblity for it. I agree. His daughter is showing signs of ADD and he is working to get her used to putting things in a calendar, wearing a watch, getting her homework done, getting her used to following through with things she doesn't like, having regular daily chores but he needs to do that for himself. There is also a difficulty identifying his feelings. He can't put names to them. Relationships don't really interest him so he doesn't pursue them. He likes movies and books and fixing things. My big dilemma is he wants to do an apprenticeship for a trade. Great. But he is going about picking the trade the same way he went about choosing a major for his attempt at college. The internet and those stupid surveys that tell you what careers fit you. Criminies. He needs to talk to HUMANS in the field, hang out with them, see what they do, see what the training is like. He spent 8 years in the Army where they tell you what your going to do and where you're going to do it. Not like that in the real world. I tell him this. I yell at him, he gets hurt, but he only responds when I yell. I'm tired of yelling, I'm tired of being angry. I'm tired of him saying he is going to do something and doesn't follow through.
I have told him the ultimatum. I've told him the only reason I'm staying thus far is for our son. I've made him seek counseling and told him he better restart it and he went to his counselor yesturday which relieved a great deal of my anger. He has baggage but that is not an excuse either. He went to one ADD support group and found it helpful but never went again (its an hour away). After we move that ultimatum will be addressed again. He is a very loving father. But he can be that if we split.
I'm going to the next counseling session with him. I want to save our marriage or end it as peacefully as possible with as few repercussions to our son as possible. I like him as a person, he is pretty cool. Kind. Funny. Needs to grow up or he is out. ADD or not. He needs to take some ownership of it.
sounds like u r a very smart and recouseful woman. i stayed in a bad marriage along time thinking it was getter for the children to have a whole family unit......i was wrong being in a toxic enviroment was harmful to them and me. no one get married to be divorced, but sometimes it is the best thing to do, good idea to have your own accounts, be around supportive people and dont keep what is going on a secret for his benifit. cheating has nothing to do with add though there are bigger issues ... hope u the best ..........darlene b
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RE: When does one divorce, husband as ADD
