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I'm a weightlifter... so you can rest assured that the abuse wasn't physical. That's an OBVIOUS mistake. The less obvious mistake is verbal or emotional abuse... and it comes in many forms.
Not all verbal/emotional abusers are flagrantly and intentionally nasty. I have a VERY short fuse when it comes to that stuff.
Also, I've always been very picky .......... difficult to find someone else who fit my rather strict criteria.
How on earth did she abuse you? I wouldn't dare......
When a woman is a victim of spousal abuse, there is a complex matrix of problems such as self image, perceived roles, and dependency, not to mention physical differences of size, strength, and levels of aggression.
When a man is a victim of spousal abuse he is just a wimpass sissy and deserves to get his butt kicked.
What it boiled down to was this... she wasn't physically abusive, she wasn't outwardly nasty... actually, on the surface most people thought she was one of the sweetest girls they'd ever met. She smiled a lot, she had nice things to say about pretty much everyone... she had a great family life... she was definitely not mean-spirited. One doesn't have to be mean-spirited to be abusive. Often, it's enough for them to be self-seeking and conniving.
When it comes to my strict standards, I made no bones about it when I noticed that she wasn't living up to those standards. For example, I've always liked fat women but this girl was so heavy and out of shape that she couldn't even walk a couple hundred feet without getting winded. That's unhealthy. We discussed it, and she promised that she wanted to get healthier and lose some weight. She never changed her diet, and she never initiated exercise. I eventually brought it up again... she moaned about how I was ruining an otherwise good day by discussing a problem again... and she swore that she was feeling healthier and she really did have "becoming healthy" as a major goal. She never changed her diet, and she never initiated exercise. The cycle continued like that! (After we broke up and she moved back in with her parents, she made it very clear that she was continuing to exercise at home... because, you see, she was hoping to win me back. When she realized that there was no hope of her winning me back, she stopped exercising. Was it really a goal to become healthier? She should've wanted to do that for herself, and not just to keep me on the hook... good grief, she was 5'9" and 363 pounds, which caused a few health issues which weren't going to go away just because she wanted them to! So, you see, the truth is that she never really cared to exercise or become healthier. She SAID she wanted that stuff, but she really didn't. I should've known... nobody who truly gives a hoot about their health will allow themselves to become so extremely fat when their doctors have already told them that their extreme weight is causing a list of potentially serious health problems.)
Here's another example... we lived together for a while... which may or may not have been a mistake. There was never any sex... and it could be argued that living together caused our inevitable problems/incompatibilities to come out into plain view a lot quicker than they would have if we'd remained separated by 300 miles (as we'd been before she moved in with me). The deal was that she'd look for a job nearby, to earn her keep. Well... time passed... weeks went by and she didn't look for a job... I pressed the issue and she said that she wanted to find a job, but she was holding out for something that fit her college degree. Time went by... while I was working, she spent her days decorating my house and doing the house chores... which was nice, but it wasn't what I wanted. I wanted her to get a job... and she never really tried. But yet, she still said that her goal was to be successful in some sort of a career. The cycle continued!!! She did eventually get a job but by then it was too late... I was basically done with her. When we had "the breakup talk", it finally came out that she never wanted a job or a career at all. She wanted to be a wife and a mother... a stay-at-home wife. Well, isn't she the ambitious one??!! I have no problem with stay-at-home moms... my mom was one and I could make a long list of reasons why that was a great benefit to my brother and I... but I wasn't married to this girl, there were no kids, and she had a college degree for which her PARENTS were still paying, as she couldn't afford the student loan bills without a job. So, all of that talk about wanting a career and wanting to be successful... then the truth comes out. Her endless decorating and chore-doing was because that's all she wanted to do.
I guess one of the reasons why I stayed in that relationship as long as I did was because she'd moved in with me... and I felt bad about kicking her out of what had become "home" and making her move back to be with her parents. She was, after all, 26 years old. It's fairly shameful for someone that old to be living with parents if they live in a reasonably inexpensive area... as she did. She also had a lot of things I wanted... she WAS very intelligent, she was still a virgin, she was Christian, she was a good singer and piano player, and she was more devoted to me than any girl I'd ever dated before. I was afraid to lose that devotion. But then, in the end, the truth came out... she wasn't really devoted to ME as much as she was devoted to the idea that she could get married. Her self-esteem was abysmal... and it's not hard to figure out why. When you're basically a pile of zeroes on account of your current behaviors, it's kinda tough to be confident.
I take back my comment about all abused men being wimpass sissys.
Some of them are just jerks who deserve to have the crap beaten out of them.
WHAT AN ******* YOU ARE FAT FREDDY YOU SHOULD HAVE YOUR FAT ASS BEAT FOR BEING DOUBLE MINDED WITH DOUBLE STANDARDS HOW SAD FOR YOU FATASS YOU NEED A FAT ASS WOMAN TO KICK YOUR ASS STUPID
When a woman is a victim of spousal abuse, there is a complex matrix of problems such as self image, perceived roles, and dependency, not to mention physical differences of size, strength, and levels of aggression.
When a man is a victim of spousal abuse he is just a wimpass sissy and deserves to get his butt kicked.
Point blank, regardless of what we like to think in society, women do have more fragility when it comes to abuse...we as guys are supposed to either suck it up and take it, or take control of the situation short of us appearing to be abusing her in kind. Fine line to walk.
So NWPAguy, in your opinion, your ex abused you buy:
(1) being fat and not doing anything about;
(2) lying about looking for a job; and
(3) not working for long periods of time.
I can see where such things are objectionable. But abuse? Are you serious? You consider yourself "abused"? In what possible way does the above even remotely compare to physical violence or constant humiliation? A bad relationship does not necessarily equal abuse; in fact, it usually doesn't.
A woman, who worked for the same company but in a different department, was being physically abused by her husband. She would never leave. At first people felt sorry for her, but then after a few beatings and her not doing anything about it, people just tended to turn the other way. So one day she was not at work and everyone was a little worried about what might have happened, until we got the local paper.
"Woman arrested for domestic abuse in front of minor child"
She finally stood up for herself, and beat the s**t out of him. He decided not to press charges, because he was so embarrased. The cops didnt press charges, either, but eventually they had to...She couldnt stop herself after that. She had this empowerment from beating his a**. She did it on a daily basis.
She eventually lost her job because she wouldnt show up for work. She was put in jail overnight several times for beating him. Yes, they are still married and yes, she is still beating him. He actually looks like a whipped pup...some feel sorry for him, others say he's getting what he deserves.
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WOMAN TO KICK YOUR ASS STUPID
