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Lord, I am in an impossible situation. I don't even know how I got here, but I can't see any way out. I am battling circumstances that I cannot defeat. There is nothing anyone can do.
(Good Lord, how I used to feel this way.)
I am left with You, my Lord. I have no one but You, the God who will never foresake me. I need to feel Your presence in this impossible place. I neede the encouragement of Your spirit. I need to be reminded that all things are possible with you. Victory is possible. Healing is possible. Freedom is possible. Life is possible.
So true, and how very many times I read this, and it worked out to be the truth, and what I live now.. all those things
So I declare that my God is able. Yes, my God, You are able! Bring the powerful possibilities of heaven to this earthly situation. Touch it with Your grace and might. It looks impossible, but You are the God who created all things from nothing. You made a way throught the sea when You rolled the waters back. You made it possible for the blind to see, the lame to walk, the deadf to hear. INdeeed, my Lord, all things are possible with You. And I thank you.
Good morning Robyn - I feel so bad for A and L and the crappy weekend they had. You asked "I dont know what is wrong with this man. I really dont. Jekyl/Hyde. " Other than the obvious, he knows he has lost control over you. He is someone who NEED to have control over people in order to feel "good" about himself - now he's trying to use that "control" over the kids. He also may feel he's losing them, especially from his reaction when they ran to you and he made his remark about the no hug. He sees how they would rather be with you, not him, and he doesn't like that - it screws up his image of "always being the father and mother to them" or whatever nonsense he was spouting for awhile.
If their weekends with him continue to go poorly, I would consider revisiting the visitation agreement for the sake of L and A. If these weekends have a lasting effect on them to the point where they are up late in order to calm down, or if there are problems at school or at the house of chimes after a weekend with that bunch, it means those weekends aren't healthy for L and A and something needs to be done to limit them.
I think there may be a couple of things going on. First A and L are teens - with that comes rebellion. You have handled any signs of teenage rebellion with love and understanding - he handles it with order and regimentation and bullying....two very opposite ways of handling things. I suspect they may have exhibited a bit of this "being a teenager" with him and he doesn't know how to handle it other than his 'orders being obeyed' type of thing.
Second, as sad as it is, I don't think L and A want to spend a weekend with him because they know what life is supposed to be (the way it is with you) and they resent the way he treats them.
You have shown them it's possible to have disagreements and for them to be themselves and yet still have boundaries. TJ doesn't understand that concept. For him, it's about orders and obeying them. Does that make sense?
He may have also been ticked off that you didn't give him a b'day card or get a present for the kids to give him. He's shown many times how childish he is and that may have been part of the reason for the way he was and how he treated them this weekend. Even though you did the right thing - you had a card for the kids to give him, he may have expected more. (If that's the case, his mother or sisters should have gotten the kids something to give to him, not your problem).
His ego is also hurt by the fact that you don't melt at the sight of him - he knows he's lost "control" over you, so he reverts to controlling the kids, or trying to. He's going to be in for a very rude awakening. Eventually L and A will stand up to him as you did and will no longer tolerate being treated as "possessions" and that is not going to be pretty or easy, but I have a feeling it will come, sooner than later. L and A realize, through living with you and watching you and just your interactions with them that they are people of worth and deserve respect, even at their young age. TJ doesn't "get" that part. I suspect he never had that from his family, especially when L and A's age, and he's never grown to the point where he could even conceive of the idea that "children" are people too.
I don't know if any of this makes sense, I've only had half a cup of coffee and am not a morning person, but hopefully you will understand what I'm trying to say here in my non-caffeinated brain fog
I hope today goes well for you, L and A. You're all strong and you all will survive TJ's antics and moods.....I promise............
read my recent post (a man who kicks a dog)- Jekll and Hyde indeed. Is your stbx also a drinker? It would make sense. I wonder about abuse in the family of origin.
Good morning cinderoybn
I just got home from work a bit ago. Another 12 hour night! If I don't get some more home time soon, I'm afraid Sid-n-Emily are gonna forget who I am! And here is a true story, I will tell everyone. Friday night I had about twenty minutes before I had to leave for work. I typed up a post for this thread that was fairly long. Nothing real important or anything, I was just in a blabbing mood I guess. Anyway, I hit the submit thing on the bottom, and my whole computer just kind of froze up. By the time I got back going, it had completely deleted my post. Has that happened to anyone else? Then, I had to leave for work, tried to redo it from work, and guess what? Surf-control pops-up and I couldn't gain access to the site. Some things just aren't meant to be, I suppose. Anyway we got sunshine here today, our snow is about melted, and all is well. I hope you have a great day, and drink a cup of coffee for me. I got to sleep some to get ready for work again tonight. I only get about two nights a month off from work. Aren't I lucky? But, we all got to stay positive. I'm grateful I'm not sick, and am able to work. Things will slow down one of these days. Take care all!
Sorry to hear that Dennis. I always enjoy reading your posts; they are NEVER babble. I'm glad to hear Sid and Emily are doing well.
Good morning Robyn - I feel so bad for A and L and the crappy weekend they had. You asked "I dont know what is wrong with this man. I really dont. Jekyl/Hyde. " Other than the obvious, he knows he has lost control over you. He is someone who NEED to have control over people in order to feel "good" about himself - now he's trying to use that "control" over the kids. He also may feel he's losing them, especially from his reaction when they ran to you and he made his remark about the no hug. He sees how they would rather be with you, not him, and he doesn't like that - it screws up his image of "always being the father and mother to them" or whatever nonsense he was spouting for awhile.
If their weekends with him continue to go poorly, I would consider revisiting the visitation agreement for the sake of L and A. If these weekends have a lasting effect on them to the point where they are up late in order to calm down, or if there are problems at school or at the house of chimes after a weekend with that bunch, it means those weekends aren't healthy for L and A and something needs to be done to limit them.
I think there may be a couple of things going on. First A and L are teens - with that comes rebellion. You have handled any signs of teenage rebellion with love and understanding - he handles it with order and regimentation and bullying....two very opposite ways of handling things. I suspect they may have exhibited a bit of this "being a teenager" with him and he doesn't know how to handle it other than his 'orders being obeyed' type of thing.
Second, as sad as it is, I don't think L and A want to spend a weekend with him because they know what life is supposed to be (the way it is with you) and they resent the way he treats them.
You have shown them it's possible to have disagreements and for them to be themselves and yet still have boundaries. TJ doesn't understand that concept. For him, it's about orders and obeying them. Does that make sense?
He may have also been ticked off that you didn't give him a b'day card or get a present for the kids to give him. He's shown many times how childish he is and that may have been part of the reason for the way he was and how he treated them this weekend. Even though you did the right thing - you had a card for the kids to give him, he may have expected more. (If that's the case, his mother or sisters should have gotten the kids something to give to him, not your problem).
His ego is also hurt by the fact that you don't melt at the sight of him - he knows he's lost "control" over you, so he reverts to controlling the kids, or trying to. He's going to be in for a very rude awakening. Eventually L and A will stand up to him as you did and will no longer tolerate being treated as "possessions" and that is not going to be pretty or easy, but I have a feeling it will come, sooner than later. L and A realize, through living with you and watching you and just your interactions with them that they are people of worth and deserve respect, even at their young age. TJ doesn't "get" that part. I suspect he never had that from his family, especially when L and A's age, and he's never grown to the point where he could even conceive of the idea that "children" are people too.
I don't know if any of this makes sense, I've only had half a cup of coffee and am not a morning person, but hopefully you will understand what I'm trying to say here in my non-caffeinated brain fog
I hope today goes well for you, L and A. You're all strong and you all will survive TJ's antics and moods.....I promise............
If you aren't in the mental health profession, you SHOULD be! Really, great thoughts.
Hi Robyn,
I know that your stbx is a royal jerk and all but you have some wonderful advice from some top-notch people on this thread. You all really are the best of the best. And that of course means our Cinderobyn is at the top of that list..
Have a great evening everyone!
If you aren't in the mental health profession, you SHOULD be! Really, great thoughts.
Thank you Synopsis - I wanted to be a psychologist or social worker, but life had other plans for me, so never had any formal training - a couple of courses, lots of reading (college textbooks) and talking to people in the field and life experiences are all I have and unfortunately, it does not count toward a degree....never had the money for the formal education needed
Lord, I am in an impossible situation. I don't even know how I got here, but I can't see any way out. I am battling circumstances that I cannot defeat. There is nothing anyone can do.
(Good Lord, how I used to feel this way.)
I am left with You, my Lord. I have no one but You, the God who will never foresake me. I need to feel Your presence in this impossible place. I neede the encouragement of Your spirit. I need to be reminded that all things are possible with you. Victory is possible. Healing is possible. Freedom is possible. Life is possible.
So true, and how very many times I read this, and it worked out to be the truth, and what I live now.. all those things
So I declare that my God is able. Yes, my God, You are able! Bring the powerful possibilities of heaven to this earthly situation. Touch it with Your grace and might. It looks impossible, but You are the God who created all things from nothing. You made a way throught the sea when You rolled the waters back. You made it possible for the blind to see, the lame to walk, the deadf to hear. INdeeed, my Lord, all things are possible with You. And I thank you.
I thank Him
Thank you for this, it is so hopeful and so giving. I know I have issues with the whole religion slant of things, but I also BELIEVE. If that makes any sense. I believe in, as my best friend calls it, the divine. And I know that the divine is there for me.
Good Morning all... a bad night here last night. But the stars shine brightly this morning.
That is a very good thing.
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Hi Robyn and Everyone Else!
