Expressing DIRECT interest in women: Thoughts, experiences? (dating, single, sex)
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I've read some interesting articles the other day by a guy called Mark Manson, an ex dating coach turned blogger (I can hear the "not another PUA" groans but bear with me). Most of it is from his book "Models - Attracting woman through Honesty" which I would highly recommend anyone to read.
Anyways, one thing he preaches is that everything your doing with a female should be congruent & in sync, and that you should be honest and not afraid to communicate your intentions. If they aren't and your hitting on a girl with hidden intentions you'll come off as creepy. For example: if your talking to a girl about the weather but your actually thinking about how good it would be to bone her your going to come across as creepy. If your acting like you want to bone her but your thinking about the weather your going to come across as creepy. If your thinking about boning her, and your flirting with her and your intentions are honest your more likely to fare better. (Apologies for using sex here, this is juat an example).
Another theory he has is that "women can feel what you feel", this may make sense given they are generally more emotional, perceptive & have a better "6th sense" than men. So for example if you engage them in a positive happy mood they're more likely to respond enthusiastically. If you have a (healthy, non perverted) sexual/flirty vibe toward her, she's likely to pick up on this. In stark contrast if your negative, all doom & gloom, uptight, nervous etc your likely to get a less favourable response.
One thing I'm trying to work on is being totally honest with my intentions, and not hiding them. Thus I'd rather be more direct with women straight off the bat. If I ask a girl i like where the nearest coffee shop is/do you have the time I'm really using it as an excuse to chat her up & I'm hiding my overall intentions. I'd much rather say something like "Hey, your kinda cute, whats your name?", "That jacket is really cool, you look hot in it" etc - you get the idea, basically just being forward and not hiding I'm hitting on them.
So, Ladies of the forum: Whats your thoughts or experiences with guys doing this?
Guys, what are your experiences, thoguhts & successes (or laco of success) with this?
Actually, what you spelled out is exactly what I like. Not sure if this is true for all women or not, but it is for me. I like to know right off if you are interested in me or not (and I like to oblige by letting a man know the same). I hate the wondering and second guessing. I can also be dense about that and will literally think you are interested in the weather, if that's the subject you bring up
And I do pick up on others emotions--feel what others feel so to speak. If someone is angry or upset, I get tense and upset too. If they are happy, I relax and get happier myself. If someone is hurt I will do anything I can to help them because it makes me sad or upset that they are hurting. That part is spot on for me as well. It's also why I tell men who are all worked up about women they might not have success... their contempt can emotionally "ooze" off them and it pushes women like me away. I don't want to be around anyone from whom I feel contempt coming.
I am curious to see what others think... I suspect preference for this approach might vary by personality types.
There is nothing wrong with asking a benign question to start a conversation with someone you don't know.
I liked the jacket comment MUCH better than, "Hey, you're cute. What's your name?" I also don't mind questions like, "Have you been here before?" "Do you like this professor?" etc.
I've read some interesting articles the other day by a guy called Mark Manson, an ex dating coach turned blogger (I can hear the "not another PUA" groans but bear with me). Most of it is from his book "Models - Attracting woman through Honesty" which I would highly recommend anyone to read.
Anyways, one thing he preaches is that everything your doing with a female should be congruent & in sync, and that you should be honest and not afraid to communicate your intentions. If they aren't and your hitting on a girl with hidden intentions you'll come off as creepy. For example: if your talking to a girl about the weather but your actually thinking about how good it would be to bone her your going to come across as creepy. If your acting like you want to bone her but your thinking about the weather your going to come across as creepy. If your thinking about boning her, and your flirting with her and your intentions are honest your more likely to fare better. (Apologies for using sex here, this is juat an example).
Another theory he has is that "women can feel what you feel", this may make sense given they are generally more emotional, perceptive & have a better "6th sense" than men. So for example if you engage them in a positive happy mood they're more likely to respond enthusiastically. If you have a (healthy, non perverted) sexual/flirty vibe toward her, she's likely to pick up on this. In stark contrast if your negative, all doom & gloom, uptight, nervous etc your likely to get a less favourable response.
One thing I'm trying to work on is being totally honest with my intentions, and not hiding them. Thus I'd rather be more direct with women straight off the bat. If I ask a girl i like where the nearest coffee shop is/do you have the time I'm really using it as an excuse to chat her up & I'm hiding my overall intentions. I'd much rather say something like "Hey, your kinda cute, whats your name?", "That jacket is really cool, you look hot in it" etc - you get the idea, basically just being forward and not hiding I'm hitting on them.
So, Ladies of the forum: Whats your thoughts or experiences with guys doing this?
Guys, what are your experiences, thoguhts & successes (or laco of success) with this?
You're talking about being honest on looks. Because nobody usually has a problem being honest about everything else.
I feel it won't make much of a difference for cold approach. When you cold approach, it's all about looks anyway. So, whether you're direct or beat around the bush, she knows what you want. And your looks will determine whether you win or lose.
I can see if being a negative in the sense of a more casual meeting, at a party maybe. Because then when you tell her you think she is attractive, she has to make a snap judgement on you. And it might be bad. Even if she says nothing, you know what she means.
I mean, I advocate acting fast, but if you are that direct, it might mess your self esteem up a bit. If you can handle that though, then all good I guess.
re: saying something like, "Hey, I enjoyed talking to you. Would you like to grab a coffee with me" -- yes, definitely. Re: saying, "hey, cool jacket. You look hot in it", -- not so much. Maybe rephrase that to: "hey, cool jacket. You look great in it!" RE: being "totally honest" with your intentions...well, there's a boundary there. You don't want to go overboard with the honesty and say what you're REALLY thinking (assuming it's something graphic). But you can say you'd like to chat with her again sometime. idk. YMMV
FYI, one of the first women I asked out, that's what I did.
She was a friend of a friend. I got her number, told her I thought she was really pretty, and asked her out.
She FREAKED, got really uncomfortable, and gave me an awkward mercy date out of it. Later on, I asked her why she rejected me. When I told her I liked her, she said, "You don't even know me."
Good Afternoon Mi Lady. Your wardrobe accentuates your figure quite elegantly. You're sexy. I'm sexy. However a long term relationship would never work between us. Come be my paramour this evening I'll show you a memorable time.
OP, that author is absolutely spot on. Always be honest, direct and to the point. Sharing energy is also a given, this is why its important to feel comfortable and sexual, when approahcing women. Since a man is usually the dominant personality in this scenario a woman is alot more likely to take on your energy than vice versa. I always tell guys that they dont need "ice breakers", nonsensical reasons or made up topics in order to approach women. No matter which way you go, women know exactly why you approach them. It isnt to talk about puppies, yogurt or the weather and its obvious to all parties involved. But it all comes down to your frame of mind, necessary to truly reach your potential in dating. If you truly realize and believe that being a man, being masculine and finding women attractive is the most natural thing in the world, you will approach women with confidence and in a direct manner. Men who need a made up reason or a prop to approach, are usually ashamed of being men and ashamed of masculinity.
Thanks for the responses so far. The main negative is your going to get rejected a lot more quickly doing this, but I suppose it weeds out wasting time and helps you figure if they have any interest in you fast. The other problem I have personally is the thought of doing this is a bit nerve wracking, but I'm a genuine honest guy and its someting I'd like to try. As I'm going to be a bit nervous and not fully confident doing this.....I AM probably going to come across as the creepy person I mentioned in the OP to start with because I'm not totally comfortable with it. I guess this is what is called "the pain period" where things get worse before they get better. The hope is I eventually get comfortable enough doing it that the nerves disapear and become more confident through honesty.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JJS99
You're talking about being honest on looks. Because nobody usually has a problem being honest about everything else.
Yes mainly about looks, but thats how we work as men so there's no shame in that. Women also know this, with the exception of taking pride in their appearance why do you think women spend so much time trying to look good? Also many people have problems being honest about a wide variety of things so this isn't true.
Quote:
whether you're direct or beat around the bush, she knows what you want. And your looks will determine whether you win or lose.
How so? What if I am actually looking for the nearest coffee shop or need to know the time, do you think she'll mistake this for me hitting on her? Looks will determine whether i win or lose? Only if the girl has a specific physical preference. I think what you meant to say was my confidence, attitude & honesty will determine whether I succeed (and obviously if they are single, having a bad day, just been fired from their job etc)
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Even if she says nothing, you know what she means.
i don't get you, what do you mean by that?
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