Women: If you wanted an FWB relationship, how would you want it to start?

[elhelmete]

Originally Posted by timberline742

Why do you say that? They may not have started as FWBs but became them later. Most of my FWBs have been people I was either platonic friends with and then we had sex, or people I dated but we weren't right for each other (and were never bf/gf) and became FWBs. I mean, if I date someone 2 months but I was their lover on and off for 5 years, I'm not going to call her an ex girlfriend. Even if she was a gf at one point, that was in the past and the relationship now is as a friend.

What seems odd about that?

Maybe just chalk this up to my dating life was never like that so it's hard for me to appreciate. Seems like way too much "so what are we?" conversations for my taste. YMMV.

[psichick]

Originally Posted by elhelmete

But I can't for the life of me see how you logically breakdown a FWB discussion because I think the FWB concept is intrinsically flawed:

If it's really just a booty call thing (and I suspect often times that's all it is), that's easy...it's about simple sexual exclusivity. You just delete the booty call's number so to speak. But that's not what FWB claims to be.

Because you claim you're really friends...what do you do...just re-po the benefits card? This particular "friend"...do I really want to spend time with him as I would with your other friends in the normal course of our relationship? Will you cut back on time spent with him? If so, that kinda calls into question the "F" in FWB, doesn't it?

My FWB's were friends and are friends. We go through our phases of involving sex, but the sex has been out of the equation for awhile and we're still friends. With one, I spent time with him, even met some of his friends and family. When he met someone he really liked, we stopped having sex immediately. I met her not long after. They are now married. We are still friends.

Another was a friend, we hung out, went to the movies, hung out with each others group of friends, went to dinner (not dates), discussed books and music, etc. Oh, and of course, had sex. In fact, we'd hang out more than have sex. Hanging out didn't always lead to sex and having sex didn't always lead to hanging out.

The last guy we tried to date first, we just couldn't find the time. That turned into more of a booty call situation, however, we both called it FWB because we'd talk on the phone all the time and when I'd see him, it wasn't just sex and go away. We hung out, we'd go eat dinner, we'd watch tv.

I dunno, but in those three situations I just listed, they were my friends. Booty calls don't give a damn about upkeeping a friendship. They won't spend time on the phone with you chatting about nothing. They won't go to the movies, dinner, a museum, etc. They want sex, they call you up, they get sex, they leave. That's definitely not what I had.

So yeah, I'd call my FWB friends first and foremost. And when the sex stops, no, the friendship doesn't stop. I don't just delete their phone number from my phone. We still hang out, still talk, still do the things we did before, just minus the sex.

What's so hard to understand? My FWB's are indeed FRIENDS. And it sounds like others are too.

[JustJulia]

Originally Posted by elhelmete

Maybe just chalk this up to my dating life was never like that so it's hard for me to appreciate. Seems like way too much "so what are we?" conversations for my taste. YMMV.

I get what you are saying. I never use the term FWB (spelled out or abbreviated) outside this board. It's just a shorthand descriptor to me. I refer to them as simply friends. And the line between a f*buddy and FWB can be very fuzzy.