How can I talk to girls and not just be their friend? (women, love)
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I'm not trying to be their friends at first. I'm trying to make moves but not be creepy and it obviously isn't working. All I'm trying to figure out here is how to show I am interested without being obnoxious.
Maybe my thinking is flawed here but this is where I'm coming from. Nice and attractive girls get hit on all the time and they aren't going to make the first move unless they are super turned on by the guy. So that means I either need to make myself more attractive or make the first move (which I am told is attractive anyway). At the same time I know (and have seen) it is entirely possible to go too far with it. I need to find the middle ground where she knows I'm interested in her and she can respond but not make her feel disrespected or she is just another girl I'm hitting on.
compared to us men , women are mind readers , they can spot a phoney who is only acting smooth , you can know all the words and yet not be able to sing the song , women can spot this a mile off
Hey there. I am actually reading a book about some of what you are asking. It's called, "Love Signals: A Practical Field Guide to the Body Language of Courtship" by David Givens, PhD. I recommend it.
It's a bit scientific/anthropological in nature, but it basically points out a lot of things people do without even thinking about where they give off signals of interest and non-interest. For example, a man who is out with a friend (another man) is more attractive than a man alone because a man alone usually just sits and looks. He can almost be intimidating and overly masculine. Where as a man with a friend, talks, laughs, and basically "looks" friendly and is more approachable. It sounds like you weren't giving off signals of interest to your friends since they didn't know you were interested.
I don't mean this offensively, but that sounds like the proverbial load of hooey. I don't read dating books, even though I don't have any game, for this reason. It's no better than making up stuff in order to sell a book. What I mean is, did the author actually talk to women and they told him that? Do you women on the forum feel that a man sitting by himself is "too masculine"? I doubt it. But it sounds plausible, at least, which is the only criteria needed for inclusion in the book. The question to the author is not "is this right?" but "will my reader buy this steaming load I just wrote?" By the way, women rarely approach men at all, whether they're alone or in groups.
There is never an answer to "what do I do?" because it really depends on her level of interest, in my opinion. It's like the old SNL skit where an average guy says "hello" to a woman and she yells "sexual harrassment!!" And then Tom Brady walks in wearing a dress shirt and tighty whiteys and says "hey, baby, what's up?" and she laughs and says "nothing, wanna go out for drinks?" Depending on the level of interest, you could be a total jerk to her and she'd allow it, which is why so many women end up with guys that treat them like dirt. Then they rationalize it and go "we do that because we think we can change him." No, you do it because you think he's hot.
I don't mean this offensively, but that sounds like the proverbial load of hooey. I don't read dating books, even though I don't have any game, for this reason. It's no better than making up stuff in order to sell a book. What I mean is, did the author actually talk to women and they told him that? Do you women on the forum feel that a man sitting by himself is "too masculine"? I doubt it. But it sounds plausible, at least, which is the only criteria needed for inclusion in the book. The question to the author is not "is this right?" but "will my reader buy this steaming load I just wrote?" By the way, women rarely approach men at all, whether they're alone or in groups.
There is never an answer to "what do I do?" because it really depends on her level of interest, in my opinion. It's like the old SNL skit where an average guy says "hello" to a woman and she yells "sexual harrassment!!" And then Tom Brady walks in wearing a dress shirt and tighty whiteys and says "hey, baby, what's up?" and she laughs and says "nothing, wanna go out for drinks?" Depending on the level of interest, you could be a total jerk to her and she'd allow it, which is why so many women end up with guys that treat them like dirt. Then they rationalize it and go "we do that because we think we can change him." No, you do it because you think he's hot.
Why should people attack women for going after hot guys though? Attractive people can be attractive, and people can be blinded by lust. Men are attracted to attractive women too.
I think its pretty important to know what to do, but its equally important to know what NOT to do.
The one thing you want to do is to try and avoid the friend zone. You dont necessarily need to be "making moves" and whatnut, the key is that she needs to view you as a potential sexual partner, and not a "girlfriend" she can dump her problems onto.
The biggest key to men who are "friends" is this. Does the girl have the ability to discuss her love life with YOU. Men she's interested in "Dating" arent men she's going to discuss ex boyfriends with...that's what a girl has girlfriends for.
You never ask her about "previous boyfriends" or her "dating situation" or if she has a "boyfriend". You dont want to get into discussions about her love life. Many men make this mistake. Men don't need to "ask" if a girl has a boyfriend, you just pretend she's available and she will let you know if she's not...never bring up the boyfriend discussion, that's what starts the friend zone.
Just be frank up front instead of pretending to be their friends so they and you don't,'t wind up wasting time in your farce of a friendship.
Leading someone on in a friendship is just as shi**y as leading them on romantically.
And since the friendship of women is a "consolation prize" to you, don't do them that disservice.
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