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I won't engage a man who acts disinterested. There's a balance you have to strike: friendly and warm, but not over eager or aloof. This is not rocket science.
No its not horrible advice, its good and time tested. You're a woman and don't know what men do to get women. A guy who wants advice on women would be best served in asking a man who gets women the same way a man whose car is broken would be wise to get advice from a car mechanic rather than a car.
No its not horrible advice, its good and time tested. You're a woman and don't know what men do to get women. A guy who wants advice on women would be best served in asking a man who gets women the same way a man whose car is broken would be wise to get advice from a car mechanic rather than a car.
eeeeeh but what kind of women does that get and what kind of woman is the minx?
My point being there are some women I am just not attracted to and I ignore their advances, I'm not rude about it but I just show I'm not interested at all even when they are putting effort into me. Now I'm still going to attract those women no matter what I do. Maybe the only women you get by ignoring them are the ones that really want you.
For me I'm trying to get the women who are not used to putting effort into getting guys as they have guys chasing them already. So why would they bother with someone who is obviously not interested. I mean I don't believe men and women are that different and women are going to chase someone who is disinterested any more than I am if I have choices.
I guess what I'm saying is I can get women by ignoring them, but my experience has been not showing interest has only attracted women I don't want.
As lame as it sounds I have a hard time making the right moves to get the girls I'm attracted to interested in me or show it anyway. I'm friends with plenty of attractive women that I would be interested in dating but through my own lack of making moves it has rarely gone anywhere. Its not that I'm afraid, or bad looking, or shy, I just have no idea how to be romantic.
So really what I need to know is what level of moves are appropriate to get things started? Like should I make lots of eye contact and just keep the conversation light and talk about our mutual interests? Should I try touching her when I can? How do I let her know I'm interested and what should I look for from her? I know that's a lot but I'd like some input because I've become friends with almost every girl I've been interested in and although some have eventually progressed to more than that it was only after knowing them for years.
From my limited dating experience I can say once I'm in something I can play it by ear just fine so don't worry about that, its just the first month or so of knowing a person I feel I do a terrible job at showing I want to date them.
Also in aside I really don't need the PUA stuff, I've read some of it and honestly it just sounds corny and like I'm only going to get a certain kind of girl with it. It sounds like there may be some things I can learn from it but as a whole it sounds like its just not me and it over the top. Which by the way I noticed another member has a similar question to this but I figured it was a different enough concept and I was coming from a different place so I would make a new thread.
EDIT: This may sound bad but I feel like I get the consolation prize of being friends with a lot of these women. I have talked to some of them after knowing them for a while and they have said they would have wanted to date me but they didn't know I liked them etc. and now they are either in something, the spark is gone, or they realized it wouldn't work long term (which I feel like the last one may be that once I'm really close friends with someone, but not in a relationship with them, I treat them the same regardless of sex and that's probably a turn off).
Like I said I have no problem talking to them, or asking them out. That isn't my problem. I just don't know what the hell to say.
I approch women fine, and get them engaged in conversation no problem. They must think I'm gay or something because they just don't know I'm interested. So then nothing happens and that's what I'm trying to fix.
I am telling you, read that book I recommended (get it from the library and it won't cost you a thing except a few hours of reading). It tells you exactly why shy people give off signals of not being interested and how to combat it. It's real research done by a man who is an expert on human psychology and courtship habits. Not some fly by night college student who things one trick or game will work on all women.
Like I said I have no problem talking to them, or asking them out. That isn't my problem. I just don't know what the hell to say.
I approch women fine, and get them engaged in conversation no problem. They must think I'm gay or something because they just don't know I'm interested. So then nothing happens and that's what I'm trying to fix.
They think your gay because your not being direct. You need to use passive aggression which is why I said grow a pair. The way you tell if women like you is if shes smiles at you and holds a glance, she walks around you hoping you will talk to her, being extra friendly and passively touching you. One trick I use to tell if a girl likes me is that I will purposely tell corny jokes if she still laughs knowing they were lame then shes defiantly likes you. Never fails. Another trick is to attack her a little verbally. Pick on her a little. If she's not into you she will attack back. If she's really not into you she will rip your head off. If she is into you, she will just laugh it off and let you get away with it or pick on you back in a flirty way. I like to call that trick the "Playing with praying mantises." Never fails either. Alot of girls aren't socially nice or passive these days so you don't have to worry about confusing a girl whos nice and a girl that likes you. One last trick to tell if a girl likes you is to watch her body language very very closely. Does she mirror your actions? Does her posture seem irregular around you? Is she constantly flicking her hair? Is she sticking out her butt? etc. etc.
When talking to girls your appearance is the most important attribute. You must look your best. No caveman hair, no dirty hair, smelly breath, dirty fingernails, unibrows, weird stuff on your face, food in your teeth. Treat your appearance like a car detail. You must be as perfect as possible. No stains in the shirt, iron cloths, clean shoes, nice hairstyle, pants fit you nicely. etc. etc. Women NOTICE ALL THAT in the first 90 seconds.
I know this guy on my facebook who whines on how he can't get a girl. First of all he's fat, has ashy lips, bad hair, kind of a broke man look etc. etc. Point is take pride in your appearance, but more then pride. Aim for perfection. WOMEN WILL NOTICE AND GRAVITATE TOWARDS THAT.
Hey there. I am actually reading a book about some of what you are asking. It's called, "Love Signals: A Practical Field Guide to the Body Language of Courtship" by David Givens, PhD. I recommend it.
It's a bit scientific/anthropological in nature, but it basically points out a lot of things people do without even thinking about where they give off signals of interest and non-interest. For example, a man who is out with a friend (another man) is more attractive than a man alone because a man alone usually just sits and looks. He can almost be intimidating and overly masculine. Where as a man with a friend, talks, laughs, and basically "looks" friendly and is more approachable. It sounds like you weren't giving off signals of interest to your friends since they didn't know you were interested.
Other things in the book include how a person can touch another person without being too forward, but still give the feeling of, "I am interested." The book basically shows ways to flirt, avoid mixed signals, read eyes, sit, stand, etc to give you an advantage (because people read each other on a subconscious level).
It's not PUA stuff. It's more of how to look appealing to the opposite sex (and recognize when someone from the opposite sex might find you appealing).
jellabean, although you may not believe this is not PUA stuff, falls right dead center of it. lots of PUA is capturing data, analysis, and information from other fields (from scientific to entertainment) to see what works in men-women attraction and relationships. the stuff that works you keep and refine, the stuff that doesn't you throw away. for example, there is PUA material on how to make a woman hot and crazy during sex, from oral sex techniques, to positions, and sexual tension. techniques intended to generate repeat sessions, a reputation for being a incredible love, and that have been proven by other men/women. now, i don't know any woman who would want to discount and discourage that kind of PUA learning, training, and practice.
Jeezus, how many times do I have to repeat this: large salami down front of shorts (down the back will have them running from you in all directions).
No need for small talk. Hands on hips and away you go!
jellabean, although you may not believe this is not PUA stuff, falls right dead center of it. lots of PUA is capturing data, analysis, and information from other fields (from scientific to entertainment) to see what works in men-women attraction and relationships. the stuff that works you keep and refine, the stuff that doesn't you throw away. for example, there is PUA material on how to make a woman hot and crazy during sex, from oral sex techniques, to positions, and sexual tension. techniques intended to generate repeat sessions, a reputation for being a incredible love, and that have been proven by other men/women. now, i don't know any woman who would want to discount and discourage that kind of PUA learning, training, and practice.
I am sure you are right and maybe the only difference between PUA and trying to win over a woman for love is just intent. And to be fair, I have a very limited knowledge of PUA stuff (just what I've seen on the web) and I am biased against it because what little I've read seems like an act and forced for the sole purpose of bedding women and moving on. The name is "pick up artist" not "romance artist" or "relationship artist." So while the techniques may work to seduce, it's mainly about having sex and not having a girlfriend.
The book I am reading isn't about making people "hot and crazy" or seducing others or playing games. It's more about being yourself but improving yourself to be more open and approachable to the opposite sex (it's written for both men and women). It's also about being able to read when others who are interested in you. It lets you know subtle signals that say you've gone too far and how to recover from that so you can build a more long-term relationship.
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