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So there is this man I have recently met he is 36 (I'm 28)and he has 1 child who is 5 and possibly another child who is 1 but is waiting for the DNA test results. He works 2 full time jobs, has told me his credit score and it's bad. He drives a 97 Buick and he was telling me how he really wants a Maxima and I said well why don't you buy a used one. He says he hates car payments and can't afford to pay $550 a month for his rent and $300 a month for a car payment. It just really bothers me that he is 36 going on 37 and doesn't have a real job and never has. He says he has a degree in therapeutic science (whatever that is) he didn't really elaborate. He was talking about quitting one of his jobs and I was thinking can he really do that? Especially since that child is more than likely his. I have no idea how much he is forking over in child support payments already. Then he was saying if he ever gets married he wants to have 1 or 2 more kids and I'm thinking nope. Kids are already so expensive. He doesn't have custody of the 5 year old, but he has visitation rights and sees her twice a month. He said he doesn't have any baby mama drama. That they are civil to each other.
I'm used to dating men with good salaries and I'm not used to dating men with kids. I really like this guy, but I'm having second thoughts about him. I'm not a gold digger by any means. I have never asked a guy to buy me anything or pay for anything. I'm in school right now and will be do e after next year and I wait tables part time. I'm wondering if I'm being a ***** about this or if my concerns are genuine. People say money doesn't matter when it comes to relationships, but it kind of does. Couples break up or divorce over money issues all the time.
So there is this man I have recently met he is 36 (I'm 28)and he has 1 child who is 5 and possibly another child who is 1 but is waiting for the DNA test results. He works 2 full time jobs, has told me his credit score and it's bad. He drives a 97 Buick and he was telling me how he really wants a Maxima and I said well why don't you buy a used one. He says he hates car payments and can't afford to pay $550 a month for his rent and $300 a month for a car payment.
This guy clearly needs to figure out some serious issues before getting involved with someone. Like the poster said above....RUN.
How would he even have time for you while working 80 hours a week with 2 kids? I also don't get why a man you recently met would tell you all these personal financial details.
If he's trying to better his situation out might be worth a shot, but it sounds like you've already made up your mind.
LOL! I don't want a car payment/rent, so I drive an old used car I paid cash for a long time ago! And I make a good salary with no children....
in his scenario, though, it may not be affordable for him to have a car note and rent, since he is hopefully paying child support for his children.
Also, what is a "real job"? As long as he is working and making money, seems real to me.
Like one poster said, if he is working on rectifying these situations, it might be worth a shot. But if he wants kids and you don't, then I'd probably not proceed any further and it has nothing to do with those other issues.
LOL! I don't want a car payment/rent, so I drive an old used car I paid cash for a long time ago! And I make a good salary with no children....
in his scenario, though, it may not be affordable for him to have a car note and rent, since he is hopefully paying child support for his children.
Also, what is a "real job"? As long as he is working and making money, seems real to me.
Like one poster said, if he is working on rectifying these situations, it might be worth a shot. But if he wants kids and you don't, then I'd probably not proceed any further and it has nothing to do with those other issues.
Not wanting a car payment isn't the issue. Hell I will be ecstatic when my car is paid off next year. And my payment was only $266 because I put so much down on it. I despise car payments. But the guy has one kid, plus apparently another that he just found out about, has a terrible financial history, and is already working TWO full-time jobs to pay his bills. He needs to get his sh^t straight. No one is their right mind would want to get involved with someone like that.
So there is this man I have recently met he is 36 (I'm 28)and he has 1 child who is 5 and possibly another child who is 1 but is waiting for the DNA test results. He works 2 full time jobs, has told me his credit score and it's bad. He drives a 97 Buick and he was telling me how he really wants a Maxima and I said well why don't you buy a used one. He says he hates car payments and can't afford to pay $550 a month for his rent and $300 a month for a car payment. It just really bothers me that he is 36 going on 37 and doesn't have a real job and never has. He says he has a degree in therapeutic science (whatever that is) he didn't really elaborate. He was talking about quitting one of his jobs and I was thinking can he really do that? Especially since that child is more than likely his. I have no idea how much he is forking over in child support payments already. Then he was saying if he ever gets married he wants to have 1 or 2 more kids and I'm thinking nope. Kids are already so expensive. He doesn't have custody of the 5 year old, but he has visitation rights and sees her twice a month. He said he doesn't have any baby mama drama. That they are civil to each other.
I'm used to dating men with good salaries and I'm not used to dating men with kids. I really like this guy, but I'm having second thoughts about him. I'm not a gold digger by any means. I have never asked a guy to buy me anything or pay for anything. I'm in school right now and will be do e after next year and I wait tables part time. I'm wondering if I'm being a ***** about this or if my concerns are genuine. People say money doesn't matter when it comes to relationships, but it kind of does. Couples break up or divorce over money issues all the time.
The guy works 72 hours a week and can't afford to pay his rent plus a car payment? Why is the assumption $300? He can get a used car in better shape for less than that if driving a safe vehicle is his priority. Where is all his money going to? There's no mention of debt--only that his score is bad. Is he paying child support for the 5 year old?
I don't think you're being a b*tch or a golddigger. I think you're being smart by not getting involved until he gets his life on track. He sees his daughter twice a month? I assume it's because he works long hours? How can he make time for you? I totally agree with you--money kind of does matter in relationships. He can't afford to be in one (financially or time-wise) and it wouldn't be fair for you to pay for things all the time. Staying in and doing things is nice but you can't do that all the time.
Also, don't set yourself up to be a bank. You don't want him to start asking you for money, especially if he's considering quitting one of his jobs.
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And I make a good salary with no children....
But the guy has one kid, plus apparently another that he just found out about, has a terrible financial history, and is already working TWO full-time jobs to pay his bills. He needs to get his sh^t straight. No one is their right mind would want to get involved with someone like that.
