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So there is this man I have recently met he is 36 (I'm 28)and he has 1 child who is 5 and possibly another child who is 1 but is waiting for the DNA test results. He works 2 full time jobs, has told me his credit score and it's bad. He drives a 97 Buick and he was telling me how he really wants a Maxima and I said well why don't you buy a used one. He says he hates car payments and can't afford to pay $550 a month for his rent and $300 a month for a car payment. It just really bothers me that he is 36 going on 37 and doesn't have a real job and never has. He says he has a degree in therapeutic science (whatever that is) he didn't really elaborate. He was talking about quitting one of his jobs and I was thinking can he really do that? Especially since that child is more than likely his. I have no idea how much he is forking over in child support payments already. Then he was saying if he ever gets married he wants to have 1 or 2 more kids and I'm thinking nope. Kids are already so expensive. He doesn't have custody of the 5 year old, but he has visitation rights and sees her twice a month. He said he doesn't have any baby mama drama. That they are civil to each other.
I'm used to dating men with good salaries and I'm not used to dating men with kids. I really like this guy, but I'm having second thoughts about him. I'm not a gold digger by any means. I have never asked a guy to buy me anything or pay for anything. I'm in school right now and will be do e after next year and I wait tables part time. I'm wondering if I'm being a ***** about this or if my concerns are genuine. People say money doesn't matter when it comes to relationships, but it kind of does. Couples break up or divorce over money issues all the time.
I am curious what it is you really like him.
From what you describe, he sounds like a hot mess. First, he sounds lazy. He has a degree, but makes next to no money. He is thining about quitting a job and making less.
He sounds commitment adverse. He has one, and maybe (maybe?) two kids? So he is not with the mother of the first kid. The mother of the potential second kid must be someone he has slept with, but has no confidence she has not been with other men as well.
He sounds greedy. He has no money, wants to scale back on the number of low paying jobs he has, and still talks about buying another vehicle.
My advice, run and run fast! If you get involved with this guy, he will mooch off of you for money and babysitting until you raise your expectations for him, at which point he will split.
So two kids with two different women and you're lining up to be his next girlfriend. I'm sure this guy has a lot of skills with women but not much success elsewhere in life. These are the type of guys those "nice" guys are always complaining about.
To me the amount of money doesn't matter, but a sense of responsibility, some sort of ethics or morality, and some maturity really do matter. This guys doesn't have any of it.
The baby daddy with 1-2 kids and hopes for a few more is the turn off for me. He's sleeping around a lot, not using protection, and sleeping with skanks if he doesn't even know whether or not the second child is his, so I would say the odds of him being diseased are really high.
Bad credit and low paying jobs? Those kids of his are probably living on welfare with not much help from him.
Your choice, but there are so many red flags that the entire horizon is painted red.
no brainer to me. walk away. but obviously you are here to ask about it, so you are thinking about staying around. So in my opinion your mind is made up....people on here are going to give you direction about what to do, but this is a sound board for you and you are going to end up staying with him anyway. Mod cut: Off topic.
I voiced my concerns and he got pissed. So yeahhhh I'm not talking to him anymore. No I'm not sticking around. The cons out weigh the pros. Why is it so hard to find men in their 30s with no kids? I have been meeting men lately and they have kids with different women.
Run...or you will be buying him a Maxima. You don't need to take him on as a "but he needs my help!" project!
Agree with srjth: must be good looking...or a booger between the sheets. Think L-O-N-G Range.
I voiced my concerns and he got pissed. So yeahhhh I'm not talking to him anymore. No I'm not sticking around. The cons out weigh the pros. Why is it so hard to find men in their 30s with no kids? I have been meeting men lately and they have kids with different women.
You're looking in the wrong places. A man with kids from different women should be a big red flag.
I voiced my concerns and he got pissed. So yeahhhh I'm not talking to him anymore. No I'm not sticking around. The cons out weigh the pros. Why is it so hard to find men in their 30s with no kids? I have been meeting men lately and they have kids with different women.
Its not hard.
Let me put it this way - if you go eat at McDonalds all the time you're gonna say "why is it that the only food is hamburgers and fries". The answer: broaden your horizons and stop looking in McDs.
So there is this man I have recently met he is 36 (I'm 28)and he has 1 child who is 5 and possibly another child who is 1 but is waiting for the DNA test results. He works 2 full time jobs, has told me his credit score and it's bad. He drives a 97 Buick and he was telling me how he really wants a Maxima and I said well why don't you buy a used one. He says he hates car payments and can't afford to pay $550 a month for his rent and $300 a month for a car payment. It just really bothers me that he is 36 going on 37 and doesn't have a real job and never has. He says he has a degree in therapeutic science (whatever that is) he didn't really elaborate. He was talking about quitting one of his jobs and I was thinking can he really do that? Especially since that child is more than likely his. I have no idea how much he is forking over in child support payments already. Then he was saying if he ever gets married he wants to have 1 or 2 more kids and I'm thinking nope. Kids are already so expensive. He doesn't have custody of the 5 year old, but he has visitation rights and sees her twice a month. He said he doesn't have any baby mama drama. That they are civil to each other.
I'm used to dating men with good salaries and I'm not used to dating men with kids. I really like this guy, but I'm having second thoughts about him. I'm not a gold digger by any means. I have never asked a guy to buy me anything or pay for anything. I'm in school right now and will be do e after next year and I wait tables part time. I'm wondering if I'm being a ***** about this or if my concerns are genuine. People say money doesn't matter when it comes to relationships, but it kind of does. Couples break up or divorce over money issues all the time.
Here's what you do. You get married, You work, and you let him stay at home (and eat all day) with the kids. Then when you eventually get divorced, you hand him the house, half your 401(k), half your savings, and $2000/month for alimony and child support so he and his new girlfriend can live in the house that you're still making payments on.
Happens every day.
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