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All the people posting who don't actually have children are in capable of understanding the love a parent feels for their child. It's not a criticism - just a fact. Before I had my child, I couldn't imagine the love I could feel for my son. So you can say how you "would" or "might" feel until the cows come home - but it really doesn't mean anything unless you actually have children. I don't have siblings - I can say how I "would" or "might" feel about them - but at the end of the day, I have absolutely no clue because they don't exist.
So, what about the following facts?
You do realize there are part-time parents out there who didn't birth their own children right? I don't understand why people believe just because it doesn't pop out of your womb (or you weren't the sperm donor), you know nothing about parenting.
Have you met nannies who work full-time live within the household and basically raise the children, but have no children of their own? Sorry, I'd call them parents (because usually the egg/sperm donor aren't parenting).
What about couples who care for the children of military personnel that must be deployed? Sometimes it's the grandparents, sometimes it's a sibling watching the children...oh and they have no kids, but are parents, while the real ones are not there.
I guess in those situations, albeit not usual, they're not "real" parents and therefore still don't understand.
I also guess childfree people in the world can't love children more than some parents do either, right?
Lastly. What if I told you, yes, I am childfree by choice. I never want children. But that's because I had a child and that child died? Guess I still don't understand what it's like, right? Because I didn't get to "parent" that child for years and years. And that I don't have a child now. And that I don't want a child ever again.
You really need to open your eyes and see that life isn't black and white. I just gave you 3 situations where a non-parent can understand the love that a parent could have for their child. So I hate to burst your bubble, but it's not a fact and yes, it is criticism (especially to the non-parents who do parent children and love them like their own).
You do realize there are part-time parents out there who didn't birth their own children right? I don't understand why people believe just because it doesn't pop out of your womb (or you weren't the sperm donor), you know nothing about parenting.
Have you met nannies who work full-time live within the household and basically raise the children, but have no children of their own? Sorry, I'd call them parents (because usually the egg/sperm donor aren't parenting).
What about couples who care for the children of military personnel that must be deployed? Sometimes it's the grandparents, sometimes it's a sibling watching the children...oh and they have no kids, but are parents, while the real ones are not there.
I guess in those situations, albeit not usual, they're not "real" parents and therefore still don't understand.
I also guess childfree people in the world can't love children more than some parents do either, right?
Lastly. What if I told you, yes, I am childfree by choice. I never want children. But that's because I had a child and that child died? Guess I still don't understand what it's like, right? Because I didn't get to "parent" that child for years and years. And that I don't have a child now. And that I don't want a child ever again.
You really need to open your eyes and see that life isn't black and white. I just gave you 3 situations where a non-parent can understand the love that a parent could have for their child. So I hate to burst your bubble, but it's not a fact and yes, it is criticism (especially to the non-parents who do parent children and love them like their own).
All the people posting here who do not have children and are talking about who they would love more have no idea what they are talking about. I stand by what I said. No need to get your panties in a bunch. Someone who had a child and the child died is not someone who has not had children.
Oh - and by saying "not had children" - I'm not saying that you actually have to have given birth to the child. An adoptive parent still has children and is still a parent. I didn't realize I would have to specify that. But, no, a nanny is not a parent.
Last edited by Dewdroplet76; 07-13-2013 at 11:34 AM..
All the people posting here who do not have children and are talking about who they would love more have no idea what they are talking about. I stand by what I said. No need to get your panties in a bunch. Someone who had a child and the child died is not someone who has not had children.
Oh - and by saying "not had children" - I'm not saying that you actually have to have given birth to the child. An adoptive parent still has children and is still a parent. I didn't realize I would have to specify that. But, no, a nanny is not a parent.
I wasn't talking about adoptive parents. I get my panties in a bunch because you're insulting people who did not adopt and yet, still care for and parent children on a daily basis and love them as much as you love your children. I know two people who fall into this category and they are always insulted by people like you (just because they did not adopt, birth, or give semen they are not parents ). Ah well, that's their fight to fight, not mine.
I wasn't talking about adoptive parents. I get my panties in a bunch because you're insulting people who did not adopt and yet, still care for and parent children on a daily basis and love them as much as you love your children. I know two people who fall into this category and they are always insulted by people like you (just because they did not adopt, birth, or give semen they are not parents ). Ah well, that's their fight to fight, not mine.
I disagree with you but I'm okay with that. Loving a child "like it's your own" is not the same as loving your own child. That's not meant to be an insult. If you do not have children of your own - you simply do not know what it is like to love your own children. I have friends that I consider family - but I still do not know what it is like to love a sibling. I can imagine what it is like - but at the end of the day - I really don't know. I'm not saying people can't love other people's children - but the question was - who do you love more - your husband or your children. As many other posters who have children have said - it's not a contest - it's a different kind of love. But the question wasn't - can you love a child that isn't your own in the same way that you love your own child. And this isn't a contest between people who don't have children and people who do. My point is that if you don't have children - you can't say that you would love your spouse more no matter what. And I'm not saying that I love my son MORE than my husband. I'm saying you can't compare the two.
I'm missing the relevance of this question...or was it an accusation?
As a guy to have your wife divorce you with a small child or several small children is a kiss of death, the woman can get up to 33% of your after tax income and a lot of things that once sounded crazy before start sounding viable, like leaving or filling out a living will, etc.
Firstly, I believe that we fall deeply in love with our babies and our young families. But speaking as a mother of older children – I have come full circle to know that my love for my husband is above and beyond that for my children. But that is because I am seeing them for the individuals that they have grown into and will soon enter the world as. Not as the babies and young ones dependent upon me for life.
I love my children dearly and deeply – but I have returned to the original state of the union with my husband where I have remembered where and why it all began. Between the two of us and our love for each other. The kids will grow and move away – and the relationship with my husband will be on the forefront of my mind. It is he that I will pass the days with while my children grow and live their own lives and create their own families.
I hope that my husband and I have communicated our love for each other in such a manner that my children feel compelled to want the same for themselves. Each night I pray for the individuals that they will share their lives and love with – even though we haven’t met them yet.
This is probably the best thing I've ever seen written on this website.
I like Jennylogic's logic as well. When my daughter is no longer my dependent I may return to my husband being my number one priority. Her existence as a baby and child is temporary. I will not always have this person with me. With that said, it's hard to imagine feeling differently than I do now. If my husband left me for whatever reason (divorce, death, etc) I would survive and then some. I would eventually be just fine. I can't imagine that being the case with my kid. My mother lost her son and while she continues on she does not deny that it will never be right. Her life will never be right again. I get that.
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