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Unfortunately, once a kid comes along the spouse is usually put on the back burner and the marriage falls apart. One of the reasons I've never wanted a kid.
I want to give you some insight on this subject. I have already lost one of my kid.
When i lost my kid. I was not necessarily able to function as a person. But when I wasn't, my husband functioned for me. When he couldn't, I functioned for him. Together, we managed to pass as one functional person when neither of us could have done so alone. Together, we managed to have someone who accepted our pain, denial, anger, whatever it was on that day. Together, we managed to have one single other living soul who was sharing the same excruciating path with us. Together, we survived.
Alone, I for one would not have.
When our daughter was diagnosed with cancer,we looked at each other and both said - "Whatever happens, we will do this. Together. Nothing will divide us, our love for each other is the most important thing."
For me, another adult is a source of support and healing and I can rely on them to pick up the slack. If I lost him, I couldn't look to my kid to pick up the slack, or lean on my kid when I was hurting, or skip the business of caring for my kid and let him do what we need.
My husband for me is the biggest reason why i am alive after losing my kid.
So for me ,it would have been worse had i lost my husband at that given point of time.
It does not mean ,i didn't loved my daughter unconitonally. I still grieve , i still cry sometimes .Our other kids are all adults now . So my husband is the only person i could lean and cry on as much as i want.
Our dear daughter would always remain in our hearts.
Your post really choked me up. I'm sorry for your loss. I think the loss of a child is just a terrible thing people have to go thru. I don't think I would have the strength in me to survive that.
I'm glad you guys were there for each other, sometimes these things cause people to divorce.
Unfortunately, once a kid comes along the spouse is usually put on the back burner and the marriage falls apart. One of the reasons I've never wanted a kid.
If both are on the same page a marriag won't fall apart, for those reasons at least.
Unfortunately, once a kid comes along the spouse is usually put on the back burner and the marriage falls apart. One of the reasons I've never wanted a kid.
It happens in some cases, not all. I know someone who once he and his wife started having children, she suddenly became the "martyr" mom...refusing to go anywhere without her kids, not even a night out to dinner with her husband. My daughter is my world but sometimes mom and dad need some grown up time. My husband isn't on the back burner. I've said earlier, it's a different kind of love that can't be compared. The second my daughter was born, I was absolutely smitten with her but it's completely different to love in a motherly way than as a wife. Anyone without children will never understand this.
People with failed marriages probably shouldn't even be allowed to post in this thread. Of course, every divorce is always the "other" persons fault, but it's sad in general hearing about people with children getting divorced. I feel sorry for the kids.
I don't think this should be an easy question for anyone, even regarding the kids or spouse. For a few reasons.
If my parents were going to choose saving a child or their spouse, they would probably pick their child. Not for the reason (I hope) that they "love" the child more, but because the child is young and hasn't had a chance to experience life as an adult has. If I saw two people drowning, I would naturally pick a child over a much older person. It sucks but it's true.
My parents have been happily married over 30 years. Myself and my siblings have moved out and moved on. We are a very very close family, we all get along amazingly and pretty much always have.
The truth of the matter is, your kids grow old, they move on. They will always be your kids and you will always be their parents. However they will probably start their own relationships and their own family. Your spouse is supposed to be your soul mate. The one person you are with from the day you met till the day you die. There is no moving on, moving past, drastic changes (typically)
The thing is, you should never have to choose. You should be able to have both equally and no one should question or test these feelings.
I don't have kids, so I can't fully understand (such as those divorced also can't, as they haven't experienced a fulfilling marriage) But, when I am married my wife should always be with me every step of the way. I'm sure I will be able to do everything for my kids, but at the same time, they will move on and start the same process over with families of their own.
People with failed marriages probably shouldn't even be allowed to post in this thread. Of course, every divorce is always the "other" persons fault, but it's sad in general hearing about people with children getting divorced. I feel sorry for the kids.
I don't think this should be an easy question for anyone, even regarding the kids or spouse. For a few reasons.
If my parents were going to choose saving a child or their spouse, they would probably pick their child. Not for the reason (I hope) that they "love" the child more, but because the child is young and hasn't had a chance to experience life as an adult has. If I saw two people drowning, I would naturally pick a child over a much older person. It sucks but it's true.
My parents have been happily married over 30 years. Myself and my siblings have moved out and moved on. We are a very very close family, we all get along amazingly and pretty much always have.
The truth of the matter is, your kids grow old, they move on. They will always be your kids and you will always be their parents. However they will probably start their own relationships and their own family. Your spouse is supposed to be your soul mate. The one person you are with from the day you met till the day you die. There is no moving on, moving past, drastic changes (typically)
The thing is, you should never have to choose. You should be able to have both equally and no one should question or test these feelings.
I don't have kids, so I can't fully understand (such as those divorced also can't, as they haven't experienced a fulfilling marriage) But, when I am married my wife should always be with me every step of the way. I'm sure I will be able to do everything for my kids, but at the same time, they will move on and start the same process over with families of their own.
People with failed marriages probably shouldn't even be allowed to post in this thread. Of course, every divorce is always the "other" persons fault, but it's sad in general hearing about people with children getting divorced. I feel sorry for the kids.
I don't think this should be an easy question for anyone, even regarding the kids or spouse. For a few reasons.
If my parents were going to choose saving a child or their spouse, they would probably pick their child. Not for the reason (I hope) that they "love" the child more, but because the child is young and hasn't had a chance to experience life as an adult has. If I saw two people drowning, I would naturally pick a child over a much older person. It sucks but it's true.
My parents have been happily married over 30 years. Myself and my siblings have moved out and moved on. We are a very very close family, we all get along amazingly and pretty much always have.
The truth of the matter is, your kids grow old, they move on. They will always be your kids and you will always be their parents. However they will probably start their own relationships and their own family. Your spouse is supposed to be your soul mate. The one person you are with from the day you met till the day you die. There is no moving on, moving past, drastic changes (typically)
The thing is, you should never have to choose. You should be able to have both equally and no one should question or test these feelings.
I don't have kids, so I can't fully understand (such as those divorced also can't, as they haven't experienced a fulfilling marriage) But, when I am married my wife should always be with me every step of the way. I'm sure I will be able to do everything for my kids, but at the same time, they will move on and start the same process over with families of their own.
Couldn't agree more - especially with the bolded. If anything, having our son has brought my husband and I closer together. I didn't think I could love my husband more - but seeing how much he loves our son makes my heart melt. But we were also a really strong, really happy couple before we had our son.
I was a bad kid/teen, and I remember my mom telling me numerous times, "If you give your father a heartattack, I'm gonna kick your ass into the grave with him"
I used to think she loved him more than me.
With that being said, I love my son more than anyone else, period
I was a bad kid/teen, and I remember my mom telling me numerous times, "If you give your father a heartattack, I'm gonna kick your ass into the grave with him"
I used to think she loved him more than me.
With that being said, I love my son more than anyone else, period
so, you thought it had to be you or nothing? Guess you never did grow out of that self-centeredness.
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