Number of Sexual Partners: Does it matter? (girl, husband, kids)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You've basically just demeaned the relationships of anyone who has ever settled happily into a marriage after a wild youth, not to mention the parties involved in those relationships. Apparently one party is just waiting for an opportunity to betray their partner and the other is just a duped consolation prize? Nice. Your expertise in this comes from where?
And let's not even get into the offensiveness of the term "used goods."
Not all people had equal experiences in life, ie wild youth, either by choice or involuntary. And yes, you do know there are people who view their partner as a cosolation prize if they had a "wild youth" So a woman who went out with studs now is going out with an IT guy isn't viewing him as a safe bet/settling? Or a guy who banged 9 and 10s is now dating a nice homely girl isn't settling? This how a portion of the population thinks, at least in the back of their minds.
Used goods is not an offensive term, this how men view women, even the "nice guys" to the alpha, sorry to say. One set of women for "fun", other is wifey material, all based on her partner count. No one wants to be that ******* who gets stuck with someone who has been tossed around...this is reality. But I should clarify, there is NOTHING wrong with people having tons of sex, and NOTHING wrong having ltr's with them if your belief system mesh's well, true for both men and women. It is silly to say sexual past does not matter in having a long LTR, because it is a personality trait, and many times it corresponds to other negative traits-low self esteem, recklessness, using people. Again, to each their own.
No one ever asked me for my "number". A gentleman is not going to ask. And a lady is not going to tell. Whether it is one or one hundred...the real issue...how is the current relationship...and if the number is an issue, then it is not the right person.
I surely wouldn't want a spouse with A LOT of partners. Hard to say the number, but someone that just turns around and sleeps with new people as frequently as they buy a slice of pizza isn't desirable. I'd be concerned about them being faithful in the long run. From what I've seen, the girls that do have a lot of partners are nothing but bad news and continue to cheat on their current partners. Of course there may be exceptions, but I'm not about to find out on my watch who is an exception.
I've known quite a few men who wanted to "get there first" so I'm not surprised at guys who want women with little to no sexual experience. Besides, if the guy isn't exactly good in bed and/or isn't packing impressive equipment, a less experienced woman is less likely to know.
I do believe it is best simply not to ask. The past is the past.
__________________
When in doubt, check it out: FAQ
I surely wouldn't want a spouse with A LOT of partners. Hard to say the number, but someone that just turns around and sleeps with new people as frequently as they buy a slice of pizza isn't desirable. I'd be concerned about them being faithful in the long run. From what I've seen, the girls that do have a lot of partners are nothing but bad news and continue to cheat on their current partners. Of course there may be exceptions, but I'm not about to find out on my watch who is an exception.
Your fallacy here is that you are "seeing" only the women who you know have had a lot of partners. Meaning, those who flaunt their sexual permissiveness. You have no idea of the number of partners that other girl has.
You do not know the number of partners of women whose number of partners you don't know. So perhaps what is turning you off are the women whose actions and attitudes are showing off sexuality rather than those who are more discreet and private. Though their numbers may be comparable. The women who cheat may link to the "showing off" part of the equation, not the "number of partners part." See what I am getting at?
I can assure you, no one knows my number. And most probably be surprised if they did.
I'm going to throw out a contrary theory here, and see what you all think. Lets say you are interested in a person, start dating, sex, and find you really like this person, you fall in love, and you all decide to get married. Now this person has had a very active sex life, with lots of other partners for the last 10 years, maybe 100 partners. So now you get married, the sex is great and things go good. A few years into the marriage a couple of kids come along, more responsibilities, more activities, you're 10 years older, and because of a lack of time, age, the sex life diminishes, which we all know is a very common experience for many people. Not only that, but the sex with the same person over and over gets routine and boring. Sex used to be fun because of the adventure of new people, different experiences, different sizes and shapes. Variety is gone. Boredom and routine rule the day.
Isn't is possible, that this very experienced person might begin to become dissatisfied and their mind and maybe their body starts to wander. Anyhow, my theory is that someone who enjoyed a lot of variety in their sex life, will not want to give that up permanently for monogamy. They might be able to give up the adventurist sex life for awhile, but eventually, most will want to return to it. Is it possible this is part of the reason for the increase in swinging, polyamory, threesomes, etc? So what I'm saying is that I think people might want to consider that lots of experience might not be such a good thing if you want a long term relationship with that person.
This could just as easily happen in a marriage with two people who had a limited number of partners. I think you're just looking for a reason to judge.
I've known quite a few men who wanted to "get there first" so I'm not surprised at guys who want women with little to no sexual experience. Besides, if the guy isn't exactly good in bed and/or isn't packing impressive equipment, a less experienced woman is less likely to know.
I do believe it is best simply not to ask. The past is the past.
Winner winner chicken dinner. Jealousy and insecurity are powerful drivers. It really shouldn't matter. Find someone you want to spend time with when you aren't stuffing sausage in various orifices and everything will work itself out.
Last edited by Philosophizer; 08-18-2012 at 10:25 AM..
What's with the "Oh Snap" picutre? The next article posted only partially negated the one I posed. I do think emotionally unhealthy people are more likely to be promiscuous in the first place. But I also think promiscuity itself causes depression. Let's just say I have some peronsal experience with this topic and leave it at that.
While this may be true for some people, it is also true that others can have healthy emotional and commitment patterns and long-term monogamous relationships, AND have plenty of casual sexual encounters between those relationships. In fact, I'd say the latter is often the norm for people who get divorced and enjoy their freedom while looking for another relationship.
I think the fact that the person is divorced and then out having casual sex may actually be an indictator they've got commitment issues.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
