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It's not the number that would matter as much as whether it was ONS or casual encounters.
I could not be with someone who viewed sex as a sport with no emotional connection.
In general, when you get to those higher numbers the likelihood that they were ONS or casual sex is greater.
^^^This^^^. People who have a lot of sexual partners usually have emotional/commitment issues that may inhibit them from having successful long term monogamous relationships....although some people do grow up over time and realize the unhealthiness of casual sex. Even if you don't know the number of partners a person has had, you can usually find other indicators in their attitude about whether they are going to be commitment oriented or not.
I'm going to throw out a contrary theory here, and see what you all think. Lets say you are interested in a person, start dating, sex, and find you really like this person, you fall in love, and you all decide to get married. Now this person has had a very active sex life, with lots of other partners for the last 10 years, maybe 100 partners. So now you get married, the sex is great and things go good. A few years into the marriage a couple of kids come along, more responsibilities, more activities, you're 10 years older, and because of a lack of time, age, the sex life diminishes, which we all know is a very common experience for many people. Not only that, but the sex with the same person over and over gets routine and boring. Sex used to be fun because of the adventure of new people, different experiences, different sizes and shapes. Variety is gone. Boredom and routine rule the day.
Isn't is possible, that this very experienced person might begin to become dissatisfied and their mind and maybe their body starts to wander. Anyhow, my theory is that someone who enjoyed a lot of variety in their sex life, will not want to give that up permanently for monogamy. They might be able to give up the adventurist sex life for awhile, but eventually, most will want to return to it. Is it possible this is part of the reason for the increase in swinging, polyamory, threesomes, etc? So what I'm saying is that I think people might want to consider that lots of experience might not be such a good thing if you want a long term relationship with that person.
Apparently, mental health experts would agree with most of your assessment. It turns out having a lot of sexual partners tends to reduce life expectancy, not only because of HIV & STDs, but also because of the increased risk of physical abuse and depression.
It turns out the most promiscuous portion of the population is gay men. And depression among gay men is off the charts (although I'm sure there are multiple reasons for that).
While it's not healthy for your body, or esteem to be sport screwing, the number of partners is no ones business but your own. If you get into a new relationship and they ask, "how many," then ask yourself what is their motive for asking, and how will the answer be used going forward- if you've had too many for their liking, when you get into an argument, it could be tossed back in your face. Or they could feel insecure about it ....
It's personal is the right response. Focus on today, not yesterday.
Apparently, mental health experts would agree with most of your assessment. It turns out having a lot of sexual partners tends to reduce life expectancy, not only because of HIV & STDs, but also because of the increased risk of physical abuse and depression.
It turns out the most promiscuous portion of the population is gay men. And depression among gay men is off the charts (although I'm sure there are multiple reasons for that).
People who have a lot of sexual partners usually have emotional/commitment issues that may inhibit them from having successful long term monogamous relationships....although some people do grow up over time and realize the unhealthiness of casual sex.
While this may be true for some people, it is also true that others can have healthy emotional and commitment patterns and long-term monogamous relationships, AND have plenty of casual sexual encounters between those relationships. In fact, I'd say the latter is often the norm for people who get divorced and enjoy their freedom while looking for another relationship.
Haven't read the rest of this thread, but my answer would depend entirely on the person's state of mind, attitude towards the opposite sex, willingness to practice safe sex, etc.
A lot of people go through a hedonistic phase and then settle down. I've always dated men who have been very promiscuous in the past, but I've never had any concerns about their faithfulness. They never tried to hide anything.
I also have a male relative who was known for his conquests - seriously, the dude was legendary in my town for all the women he'd had sex with. He settled down into marriage years ago with a woman he is madly in love with and is terribly happy. At a picnic, one of his wife's acquaintances, a man married to a beautiful, sweet and very pregnant woman, felt the need to unburden himself on the one guy at the gathering he thought would understand, so he told my relative about how he'd been sleeping with random women in the back of his work truck.
I almost had to call a therapist for my relative, as he couldn't wrap his brain around it. "Why would a guy do something like that? Why would he get married? Why would you do that to your wife?" He was aghast, bewildered and terribly upset. I think part of this was because the guy thought my relative was just like him, and that was hurtful to him.
There are people who have sex with insane numbers of people because they have some sort of compulsion or because they view other people as human handkerchiefs to use and discard. And then there are a lot of people who have a lot of sex with a lot of people just because it's fun and enjoyable and if they're not in a committed relationship and everyone enjoys themselves, there's no harm done. I really think the differences between them are very important.
As mentioned it does not matter if your ideas, beliefs, and sexual history mesh. It DOES matter if you want a ltr, as sleeping around often, or loosely is a personality trait. Many times when people have sex with many partners frequently it can be indicative of anxiety, depression, and lack of self control IF it they are not having safe sex...otherwise people just like sex cause it feels good! For man and woman who want a ltr, they should avoid partners with high partner counts and say such things as "I had my fun, now I am looking to settle down", "Don't you want someone with experience?" "I was maturing" or "seeing whats out there" which should translate to you "I am putting on this act because I am getting older and can't pull the same hotness as I did before".
Basically, you as a person, should not pay or invest into a ltr with someone who makes you work harder for sex/ltr when people in the past got the milk for free. Remember, a person who has a high partner count is SETTLING for you, and can easily leave you since they have an easy time finding partners. Do not become that beta provider for used goods, true for both men and women...unless that is what you are looking for.
Haven't read the rest of this thread, but my answer would depend entirely on the person's state of mind, attitude towards the opposite sex, willingness to practice safe sex, etc.
A lot of people go through a hedonistic phase and then settle down. I've always dated men who have been very promiscuous in the past, but I've never had any concerns about their faithfulness. They never tried to hide anything.
I also have a male relative who was known for his conquests - seriously, the dude was legendary in my town for all the women he'd had sex with. He settled down into marriage years ago with a woman he is madly in love with and is terribly happy. At a picnic, one of his wife's acquaintances, a man married to a beautiful, sweet and very pregnant woman, felt the need to unburden himself on the one guy at the gathering he thought would understand, so he told my relative about how he'd been sleeping with random women in the back of his work truck.
I almost had to call a therapist for my relative, as he couldn't wrap his brain around it. "Why would a guy do something like that? Why would he get married? Why would you do that to your wife?" He was aghast, bewildered and terribly upset. I think part of this was because the guy thought my relative was just like him, and that was hurtful to him.
There are people who have sex with insane numbers of people because they have some sort of compulsion or because they view other people as human handkerchiefs to use and discard. And then there are a lot of people who have a lot of sex with a lot of people just because it's fun and enjoyable and if they're not in a committed relationship and everyone enjoys themselves, there's no harm done. I really think the differences between them are very important.
I think this sums it up well. People have periods of abstinence. People have periods of monogamy. People have periods of sexual diversity. Life is long and there is room for all experiences and all kinds of people.
As mentioned it does not matter if your ideas, beliefs, and sexual history mesh. It DOES matter if you want a ltr, as sleeping around often, or loosely is a personality trait. Many times when people have sex with many partners frequently it can be indicative of anxiety, depression, and lack of self control IF it they are not having safe sex...otherwise people just like sex cause it feels good! For man and woman who want a ltr, they should avoid partners with high partner counts and say such things as "I had my fun, now I am looking to settle down", "Don't you want someone with experience?" "I was maturing" or "seeing whats out there" which should translate to you "I am putting on this act because I am getting older and can't pull the same hotness as I did before".
Basically, you as a person, should not pay or invest into a ltr with someone who makes you work harder for sex/ltr when people in the past got the milk for free. Remember, a person who has a high partner count is SETTLING for you, and can easily leave you since they have an easy time finding partners. Do not become that beta provider for used goods, true for both men and women...unless that is what you are looking for.
You've basically just demeaned the relationships of anyone who has ever settled happily into a marriage after a wild youth, not to mention the parties involved in those relationships. Apparently one party is just waiting for an opportunity to betray their partner and the other is just a duped consolation prize? Nice. Your expertise in this comes from where?
And let's not even get into the offensiveness of the term "used goods."
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