Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I like a man at work and we have a lot in common. We used to get on well, until my boss pointed out 'how well we were suited to each other...he would be ideal for me if he wasn't married' and she kept going on about it.
From then on I felt awkward talking to him after what she had pointed out, I wouldn't have thought about it otherwise and realised I have a crush on him. I started to distance myself from him knowing that nothing could happen between us.
This has gone on for months and sometimes he has seemed angry when I've not spoken to him or ignored him. I am very chatty with the other men at work so I guess it is quite obvious. I know it bothers him as he's mentioned it to a couple of work colleagues, thinking he has upset me.
Recently when we were out with work he asked me why we don't speak anymore and said he thought I was a nice person and that he would like me to take a day off with him and go walking. I would love to do this, but knowing how I like him thought better of it. I asked him if his wife would mind and he said that she never asked him where he went or with who. I thought this was a bit off and said I would think about it, but basically gave him the impression I didn't want to go.
I've not really spoken to him much since and lately he has started avoiding me. Whenever I go near him he walks off. He says things, but they are usually passing comments and he won't even look at me now.
I would like to get rid of my crush and enjoy a good working relationship with him, but don't know how to confront him about mine and his behaviour, as I don't know why he's acting the way he is. He's been extra chatty with my colleague, but tries to leave the room when I enter. I have to work with him occasionally and it is a small business. Distancing myself has made things worse and it's making me feel uncomfortable (and probably him too).
I don't know what to say to make things better.
It looks like your crush on him was obvious to your boss and many co-workers.
Your boss tried to save your face and told you that he is married. Didn't you know that before you started to like him "that" much??
However, him offering you to take a day off and go "walking" ( whatever that means) was inappropriate and so was his remark that his wife never ask him where he go and with whom. ( she obviously trust him).
Quote:
Originally Posted by plant lady
I don't know why he's suddenly started avoiding me though, I don't understand what I've done.
It seems to me that he wanted to have a little fling with you, but then he noticed that you are not falling for that. That's why he is showing you "cold shoulders".
Stay away from him and only engage in a friendly but business related conversations.
If you stick to that, the awkward situation will go away. Just give it some time....
No. I'd been off for a few days and he chatted to me a few times the day I came back. The first time we'd talked in ages. It was the day after. I just don't know what I did. I thought I was acting normal......trying to get things friendly again. That's why really I think it would be better to clear the air., but I don't know how to bring it up.
Don't bring anything up. Keeping talking to him & acting normal & eventually things will be back to normal.
It looks like your crush on him was obvious to your boss and many co-workers.
Your boss tried to save your face and told you that he is married. Didn't you know that before you started to like him "that" much??
However, him offering you to take a day off and go "walking" ( whatever that means) was inappropriate and so was his remark that his wife never ask him where he go and with whom. ( she obviously trust him).
It seems to me that he wanted to have a little fling with you, but then he noticed that you are not falling for that. That's why he is showing you "cold shoulders".
Stay away from him and only engage in a friendly but business related conversations.
If you stick to that, the awkward situation will go away. Just give it some time....
^^^This! When I read the OP, the 1st thing I noticed was that the OP's boss already put it out there that he's married. I took it as a hint to back off.
Totally agree 100% that it was inappropriate for him to suggest going "walking". The big red flag was him saying that his wife doesn't ask. That's his way of saying he is free to do what he wants, who he wants and when he wants because no one is keeping tabs on him. OP, the guy is married and from what I'm sensing, he doesn't seem to mind that he's married since he's asking you to spend time with him. That should be enough for you to drop the "crush" feelings and keep it on a professional level.
Need him to do? Things are worse because I don't like an atmosphere at work and it's awkward. I don't want him to hate me, I just want things to be friendly again like they were at first.
What? Are you in high school?
The man wants you SEXUALLY. He told you he wants to go "walking" with you on his day off.
You say you have a "crush" on him, but yet you want everything to go back to the way they were before? Why???
If you're not gonna sleep with him, then leave him alone and deal with your "uncomfortableness".
The man wants you SEXUALLY. He told you he wants to go "walking" with you on his day off.
You say you have a "crush" on him, but yet you want everything to go back to the way they were before? Why???
If you're not gonna sleep with him, then leave him alone and deal with your "uncomfortableness".
I think this is kind of harsh. The OP backed off when she found out he was married. Just because she doesn't plan to sleep with him doesn't mean they can't be cordial at work.
OP, I'd just be polite and friendly and act like everything was normal. Hopefully the awkwardness will pass. Just remember those red flags and that he's married and keep it strictly a working relationship.
I think this is kind of harsh. The OP backed off when she found out he was married. Just because she doesn't plan to sleep with him doesn't mean they can't be cordial at work.
OP, I'd just be polite and friendly and act like everything was normal. Hopefully the awkwardness will pass. Just remember those red flags and that he's married and keep it strictly a working relationship.
No, she wants him to be 'friendly' like it was before when she was "crushing" on him. Didn't you read that in her subsequent posts?
He backed off from her in the sense that he's not rude and he does "speak", but basically hi and bye and if it pertains to business as it SHOULD be. He knew he wanted to sleep with her and I'm sorry, but there's no way she could not have known either. She's a WOMAN. We KNOW these things "instinctively" without being told. She's not a kid new to the ways of men.
If I was her, I'd be happy that a man that was making me feel "uncomfortable" was backing off and getting it back to business like it should have been.
There is no "friendship" to go back to. This is obvious (well, to HIM it is).
I like a man at work and we have a lot in common. We used to get on well, until my boss pointed out 'how well we were suited to each other...he would be ideal for me if he wasn't married' and she kept going on about it.
From then on I felt awkward talking to him after what she had pointed out, I wouldn't have thought about it otherwise and realised I have a crush on him. I started to distance myself from him knowing that nothing could happen between us.
This has gone on for months and sometimes he has seemed angry when I've not spoken to him or ignored him. I am very chatty with the other men at work so I guess it is quite obvious. I know it bothers him as he's mentioned it to a couple of work colleagues, thinking he has upset me.
Recently when we were out with work he asked me why we don't speak anymore and said he thought I was a nice person and that he would like me to take a day off with him and go walking. I would love to do this, but knowing how I like him thought better of it. I asked him if his wife would mind and he said that she never asked him where he went or with who. I thought this was a bit off and said I would think about it, but basically gave him the impression I didn't want to go.
I've not really spoken to him much since and lately he has started avoiding me. Whenever I go near him he walks off. He says things, but they are usually passing comments and he won't even look at me now.
I would like to get rid of my crush and enjoy a good working relationship with him, but don't know how to confront him about mine and his behaviour, as I don't know why he's acting the way he is. He's been extra chatty with my colleague, but tries to leave the room when I enter. I have to work with him occasionally and it is a small business. Distancing myself has made things worse and it's making me feel uncomfortable (and probably him too).
I don't know what to say to make things better.
So he is married and probably wanted to have an affair with you.
You rejected his offer. That's why he is upset. (Either that, or he is trying to fight his attraction to you and wants to preserve his marriage.)
You two are not friends, you are attracted to each other and he wanted you to act on it... If you think you are just friends you are fooling yourself.
You can't go back to just having an innocent good conversation...because it never really was that in the first place... you were acting out on your attraction even if you weren't consciously aware of it.
No, she wants him to be 'friendly' like it was before when she was "crushing" on him. Didn't you read that in her subsequent posts?
He backed off from her in the sense that he's not rude and he does "speak", but basically hi and bye and if it pertains to business as it SHOULD be. He knew he wanted to sleep with her and I'm sorry, but there's no way she could not have known either. She's a WOMAN. We KNOW these things "instinctively" without being told. She's not a kid new to the ways of men.
If I was her, I'd be happy that a man that was making me feel "uncomfortable" was backing off and getting it back to business like it should have been.
There is no "friendship" to go back to. This is obvious (well, to HIM it is).
We used to get on well before all of this. I initially thought he was a widower, because he didn't mention his wife when he talked about his weekends. I found out later this is because his wife works weekends. My boss didn't tell me he was married to warn me, it when she was trying to set me up with someone and we were talking about my ideal match. She just said it was a shame he was married as she thought he was ideal. I don't think she meant anything by it. Well I didn't at the time...now I'm not so sure. When she asked me if I liked him, I did say no I didn't in that way.
He likes walking in the countryside, it's something we have in common as I enjoy it too. He told me his wife doesn't like walking so he invited me to go with him as he goes on his own normally. I honestly haven't seent this as an invitation for sex. The bit about not telling his wife did concern me a bit. I told my boss he had asked me to go walking. She said there is nothing in it and I should go if I want to. But the week after my boss and him were flirting all week. They get on well, but it's never been flirty. Her behaviour especially was bizarre.
Anyway he has started being friendlier again, and I honestly don't think that he is attracted to me after all. It's only when he walks past my office and he looks back at me sometimes it makes me wonder. Perhaps you are right that trying to have a normal friendship with this man will never be a good idea.
I like a man at work and we have a lot in common. We used to get on well, until my boss pointed out 'how well we were suited to each other...he would be ideal for me if he wasn't married' and she kept going on about it.
From then on I felt awkward talking to him after what she had pointed out, I wouldn't have thought about it otherwise and realised I have a crush on him. I started to distance myself from him knowing that nothing could happen between us.
This has gone on for months and sometimes he has seemed angry when I've not spoken to him or ignored him. I am very chatty with the other men at work so I guess it is quite obvious. I know it bothers him as he's mentioned it to a couple of work colleagues, thinking he has upset me.
Recently when we were out with work he asked me why we don't speak anymore and said he thought I was a nice person and that he would like me to take a day off with him and go walking. I would love to do this, but knowing how I like him thought better of it. I asked him if his wife would mind and he said that she never asked him where he went or with who. I thought this was a bit off and said I would think about it, but basically gave him the impression I didn't want to go.
I've not really spoken to him much since and lately he has started avoiding me. Whenever I go near him he walks off. He says things, but they are usually passing comments and he won't even look at me now.
I would like to get rid of my crush and enjoy a good working relationship with him, but don't know how to confront him about mine and his behaviour, as I don't know why he's acting the way he is. He's been extra chatty with my colleague, but tries to leave the room when I enter. I have to work with him occasionally and it is a small business. Distancing myself has made things worse and it's making me feel uncomfortable (and probably him too).
I don't know what to say to make things better.
Sounds like he thought you would be privy to starting an affair with him but ego got shot down and now he knows otherwise. So now he wants nothing to do with you and is ignoring you. Why you want to continue a friendship with him I don't know, but best if you just ignore him just the same as he's doing. Was interested in getting in your pants, now lost interest. You're better off.
Never mix work and pleasure! Keep everything businesslike.
As for the guy, explain that you NEVER mix work and pleasure. Your job is too important to risk losing should something go wrong with a relationship. Also that you DON'T date married men. But that you like him. And if some day he is separated and one of you has moved on to a different job, THEN you would consider dating him.
How about that? Sounds reasonable to me!
As for the boss and her comments, that is a BIG no no for a boss! Nothing you can do about that, but she should "think about the needs of the organization", not employee's personal lives.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
