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Really, people? So few people even know how to argue fairly without resorting to cutting remarks and phrases like "you always" or "you never", so it's not surprising that so many marriages fail or are unhappy.
I don't know if a marriage "counsellor" is the right way to go, but certainly relationship education might be a good idea. Anyway, the OP's point is that premarital education of some kind may give you the skills and awareness to identify and handle problems that arise with some small degree of skill, rather than none. And it also seems obvious to me that many people are delusional about what to expect from marriage and from each other, and may make better or different choices if they had some rational guidelines to use.
Studies show those who undergo pre-marital counseling have a much lower divorce rate. It could partially due to the fact that those who choose to undergo pre-marital counseling are better prepared in the first place. I'm not going to do the homework and provide a link, but trust me, it's out there if you look.
Both the Catholic and Lutheran churches require/recommend premarital sessions, which are generally seen positively by those who attach that particular spiritual significance to marriage. Don't know firsthand about other denominations.
And it also seems obvious to me that many people are delusional about what to expect from marriage and from each other, and may make better or different choices if they had some rational guidelines to use.
Lots of couples avoid tough discussions about things like finances or children or other expectations. If some sort of counseling brings these out, that's a good thing.
For many people, having the tough conversations facilitated by an impartial party CAN be helpful. It's not a given that everyone knows how to deal with conflict in an effective manner.
We were required to attend pre-marital counseling and weekend retreat because we were marrying in the Catholic church. I can tell you that the counseling sessions caused us great amusement and the retreat was a bunch of people wondering why they had to be there.
Most of the couples there (including us) had already agreed on how finances would be handled, how any children were going to be raised (we talked about it even though we agreed not to have children), holidays with which family, etc. It was a rehash of conversations that had already naturally occurred.
What it can't teach you is how you'll both react to financial struggles, major illness, etc.
Pre-marriage counselling can prevent an ill-advised union. How many women marry men who later turn out to be abusers, batterers, cheats?
Pre-marriage counselling can prevent an ill-advised union. How many men marry women who later turn out to be emotionally abusive, immature, gold-diggers, liars, cheats, substance abusers, batterers, psychos, endless nags, poor cooks, shopaholics, killjoys, and so on?
Why do you think so marriages fail in the first place?
If these "professionals" are doing such a good job....that is a good question....I think the best marriage councillor you can get (if you really want the marriage to last) is someone who's been happily married for decades.....I can't understand how a councillor (who's never been married themselves)...could possibly dispence good advice on marriage other than the obvious...respect,compromise, cutesy, and tolerance.
The single most important function that I see is.......
It separates you from your money and allows an income to the "counselor", thereby stimulating the economy.
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