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my husband and i are both 34 We have been married for 7 years and have a 5 year old. We have many things in common and still talk and laugh together. We are financially stable and do not argue, but bicker as any other married couple. I am not 125 as I was when we married, but am not fat (I'm 5'9" 155). My concern is about the lack of affection I get from my husband. I get a kiss when he comes home from work, and at bedtime. That's it. I have discussed my needs with him multiple times, and he does a bit better afterwards. Sex is always still initiated by me, even then he barely makes any actions in my favor and a few weeks later he reverts to being his nonphysical self again. Once I initiate, things in the bedroom are VERY good. I am a very open person in that area and don't have many limitations. I always make sure he is satisfied, and he always is, sometimes even twice. I have changed my hair color, style, more make up, less make up, sexy clothes, lingerie and so on. I've tried to be romantic, I've put on nearly nothing, and snuggled up to him on the couch, and he still doesn't move. Ive planned romantic nights, and dropped hints and he still makes NO advances He says he is still attracted to me, and I have over heard him telling friends how content he is in our marriage. However, if i make no advances, we go weeks, sometimes even 2 months with no intimacy. We have a very strong catholic faith, and he is a devoted father and husband. He works hard, and would not stray in our marriage. Ive begged him to tell me what it will take, and have had serious discussions about whether he is happy. I have done everything and will do whatever he needs me to do and he knows this. He just has no interest in me at all, physically and it's killing my self esteem. I realize sex drives are different, and I can accept that. It's not about sex, it's just about being desired. When we were first married, he couldn't keep his hands off me. I have lost some weight and am still trying for myself, and with the hopes that maybe this is an issue even though I'm not overweight. I feel foolish posting this, is it me? Is this normal forms man this age? Am I asking to much go just have him grab me and kiss me? I don't know what to do. We do not have the finances to maintain counseling, ive suggested it, and things improve slightly, but then revert back Any input from men and women is appreciated.
I'm thinking he needs to go see a doctor. There are any number of health issues he could be having that cause this. He'll have to be open and honest with the doctor, but I think it's a good place to start.
It seems like he doesn't realize that he's doing it, which is why I think it may be a health issue. If he was purposely trying to avoid affection with you it would be different, but I'm guessing he's not even sure why he's being less affectionate.
He works hard, and would not stray in our marriage.
It drives me crazy when people make such assumptions, anyone could stray, and how do you know (not saying it IS happening) that it could never happen? Could be getting the affection elsewhere, sorry to be cynical, but you can't rule out the possibility.
It drives me crazy when people make such assumptions, anyone could stray, and how do you know (not saying it IS happening) that it could never happen? Could be getting the affection elsewhere
He doesn't leave the house for long periods, leaves for work and comes home. He was raised with good strong religious values as I was and honors our vows. And I'm not turning the tables on this discussion, but i do believe there are people, men included who do not believe in marital infidelity.
It could be medical. It could be psychological. It could be that he's fallen out of love so lacks desire, and feels trapped by his vows. Unless you can get him to get help or open up to you or a professional, I doubt things will change, and may even get worse.
I've mentioned that also, he becomes defensive and hurt. Things pick up for a week or two and then back to where we were.
Sorry, but you have needs too. If hes unwilling to even accept that this a serious problem and may also be medically related, there is definitely some denial going on here. I dont know how important sex is to your relationship, but I know for certian I would not stay with a man who A.) No longer shows a desire for me and B.) Has buried his head in the sand about a REAL problem that affects the marriage and your feelings to this extent.
He doesn't leave the house for long periods, leaves for work and comes home. He was raised with good strong religious values as I was and honors our vows. And I'm not turning the tables on this discussion, but i do believe there are people, men included who do not believe in marital infidelity.
dont get me wrong, im not trying to hijack this thread BUT even with all of those reasons you mention (being religious, not having the time) people will find a way if they want to. Anyway assuming he isnt, maybe he isnt happy emotionally, mentally. If you were to ask him, which celeb he thought were hot, would he say celebs that were approx 125 pounds (in that region)? Maybe the weight gain has turned him off, men can be superficial sometimes
my husband and i are both 34 We have been married for 7 years and have a 5 year old. We have many things in common and still talk and laugh together. We are financially stable and do not argue, but bicker as any other married couple. I am not 125 as I was when we married, but am not fat (I'm 5'9" 155). My concern is about the lack of affection I get from my husband. I get a kiss when he comes home from work, and at bedtime. That's it. I have discussed my needs with him multiple times, and he does a bit better afterwards. Sex is always still initiated by me, even then he barely makes any actions in my favor and a few weeks later he reverts to being his nonphysical self again. Once I initiate, things in the bedroom are VERY good. I am a very open person in that area and don't have many limitations. I always make sure he is satisfied, and he always is, sometimes even twice. I have changed my hair color, style, more make up, less make up, sexy clothes, lingerie and so on. I've tried to be romantic, I've put on nearly nothing, and snuggled up to him on the couch, and he still doesn't move. Ive planned romantic nights, and dropped hints and he still makes NO advances He says he is still attracted to me, and I have over heard him telling friends how content he is in our marriage. However, if i make no advances, we go weeks, sometimes even 2 months with no intimacy. We have a very strong catholic faith, and he is a devoted father and husband. He works hard, and would not stray in our marriage. Ive begged him to tell me what it will take, and have had serious discussions about whether he is happy. I have done everything and will do whatever he needs me to do and he knows this. He just has no interest in me at all, physically and it's killing my self esteem. I realize sex drives are different, and I can accept that. It's not about sex, it's just about being desired. When we were first married, he couldn't keep his hands off me. I have lost some weight and am still trying for myself, and with the hopes that maybe this is an issue even though I'm not overweight. I feel foolish posting this, is it me? Is this normal forms man this age? Am I asking to much go just have him grab me and kiss me? I don't know what to do. We do not have the finances to maintain counseling, ive suggested it, and things improve slightly, but then revert back Any input from men and women is appreciated.
Ok religion really doesn't have anything to do with it.
And no its not normal..I personally would be with a man who wouldn't have sex with me,or show me affection husband or not..I love sex and affection, and its a big part of my life. I love it when a man desires me, and I desire him back..My boyfriend and I are not the same religion, and our sex drive is high, I've only dated one man who was the same religion as me and it has nothing to do with desire. Im a touchy feely person, I love intimacy.
You are still young, I know my boyfriend is more affectionate with me then he was with his ex.Everyone sees it, his mom told she said she hasnt seen anyone show this much affection for each other than we do.
Men are constantly horny and want sex all the time...I should of been born a man..lol..
I hope you guys work it out..Its no fun when your not being shown attention.
This one couple I know who had the same problem, the woman gave the man an ultimatum stating that if he doesn't satisfy her then she will find somebody who can. After that things picked up. I'm not saying that's what you should do... but I guess it worked in their case.
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