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Marriage is a lovely institution, for those who like to live in an institution.
If marriage has to mean "life-long sexual monogamy," then it I'd say it is not a place I'd want to be, and I suspect that it is not a good option for many people.
On the other hand, I see no good reason why marriage has to mean life-long sexual monogamy. The basis of marriage ought to be love and commitment to building and maintaining a life together. Nothing about this needs to imply life-long sexual monogamy. Sex is part of romantic love, but it is not the whole of it. Sex is important to consider when making our commitments, but it is perfectly possible to be in love and committed to a life-long partnership without building the whole edifice upon the unnecessarily restrictive notion of sexual exclusivity. The Hollywood-fantasy notion of "If you really love me, you could never enjoy the love of another" is simply hogwash.
My wife and I are happily married, but we are in an open marriage. Thus the institution of marriage, for me, is not encircled by concrete walls or barbed wire. I can come and go as I please without ever "leaving" the institution. I'm a card-carrying member, but I am not an inmate.
An "open marriage", different sex partners......WTH is that?????? Sure glad you're kind of marriage is a minority in society! On the other hand, if that's what you both like and want.........have fun!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gaylenwoof
Marriage is a lovely institution, for those who like to live in an institution.
If marriage has to mean "life-long sexual monogamy," then it I'd say it is not a place I'd want to be, and I suspect that it is not a good option for many people.
On the other hand, I see no good reason why marriage has to mean life-long sexual monogamy. The basis of marriage ought to be love and commitment to building and maintaining a life together. Nothing about this needs to imply life-long sexual monogamy. Sex is part of romantic love, but it is not the whole of it. Sex is important to consider when making our commitments, but it is perfectly possible to be in love and committed to a life-long partnership without building the whole edifice upon the unnecessarily restrictive notion of sexual exclusivity. The Hollywood-fantasy notion of "If you really love me, you could never enjoy the love of another" is simply hogwash.
My wife and I are happily married, but we are in an open marriage. Thus the institution of marriage, for me, is not encircled by concrete walls or barbed wire. I can come and go as I please without ever "leaving" the institution. I'm a card-carrying member, but I am not an inmate.
An "open marriage", different sex partners......WTH is that?????? Sure glad you're kind of marriage is a minority in society! On the other hand, if that's what you both like and want.........have fun!!
An open marriage is one in which both spouses agree to non-monogamy. But if you were to throw cheaters into the mix (i.e., people who claim to be in a traditional monogamous marriage, but then cheat and lie about their affairs), then I suspect that marriages involving non-monogamy are actually the majority (or at least a very sizable minority).
I think that, overall, it would be better if people who are not well-suited to monogamy would just come out of the closet, so to speak, and acknowledge to themselves and others that they are not monogamous. If that were to happen, I suspect that open marriages would no longer be a minority of marriages (or at least they would constitute a far larger minority than they do now).
I want to know what you think. The idea scares me because when I hear the word, I think of "no turning back" unlike other things in life like what business u get into, or rather u like to drive japanese vs american, or rather or not to become a Jew, etc lol
It most certainly is a "no turning back" proposition. I do not believe young people should marry, as it is a very permanent decision; if you marry the wrong person and bring children into the world, there will be problems on so many levels. It takes maturity and understanding to be married, and too many people do it impulsively without really comprehending what they are getting into.
I don't explicitly tell people not to get married, but I do think this is something that should not be taken lightly; you should think long and hard as an individual and as a couple.
It most certainly is a "no turning back" proposition. I do not believe young people should marry, as it is a very permanent decision; if you marry the wrong person and bring children into the world, there will be problems on so many levels. It takes maturity and understanding to be married, and too many people do it impulsively without really comprehending what they are getting into.
I don't explicitly tell people not to get married, but I do think this is something that should not be taken lightly; you should think long and hard as an individual and as a couple.
I actually agree with your post for once.
You're right when you say marriage is a big decision.
And I think 18 year olds are incapable of making such a decision.
Too many young people live in the here and now and don't think about the future.
18 is old enough to decide you're never getting married. I knew at 18 I was never getting married. Hell, I knew at 14 I was never getting married. But 18 is too young, IMO, to get married. Getting married is a bigger decision than deciding you're never getting married.
If you decide you're never getting married, you always have the option to get married if you really want to (not saying I will, just saying the option is there). But if you get married then decide marriage is not for you, you can get divorced but it's easier to just never get married in the first place.
Last edited by city_data91; 03-09-2011 at 07:57 PM..
You're right when you say marriage is a big decision.
And I think 18 year olds are incapable of making such a decision.
Too many young people live in the here and now and don't think about the future.
18 is old enough to decide you're never getting married. I knew at 18 I was never getting married. Hell, I knew at 14 I was never getting married. But 18 is too young, IMO, to get married. Getting married is a bigger decision than deciding you're never getting married.
If you decide you're never getting married, you always have the option to get married if you really want to (not saying I will, just saying the option is there). But if you get married then decide marriage is not for you, you can get divorced but it's easier to just never get married in the first place.
Yes, in this society it is relatively easy to get divorced, but it is still a traumatic experience for those involved. It may be easier, for some people, to not get married at all. That's a personal decision you have to make for yourself.
I have not read entire thread, but was captivated by original post and Galenwoof's comments and agree with them both. After being married for 22 yrs then divorced, I can easily say I would not marry again.
Seems to me now that marriage inhibits deep/meaningful or even casual relationships with the opposite sex. Some people are so consumed by the idea of sex/marriage, and of course who we have sex WITH is a big worry to some .....while basically it is just a very strong biological urge. Our views of marriage are due a change. Good for you Galenwoof, glad you are happy.
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