How can a deformed man attract women? (married, attracted, younger)
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I guess all you can do is learn to appreciate yourself for who you are. Find all of your good points and capitalize on them.
A little background on me, I'm around 6'0" weigh about 185 (skinny fat) I have a face that looks like it got punched a few times (swollen) and I'm brown skinned. I've had a lot of people tell me that I'm uglier than ****. Funny thing is, there are quite a few women who want to go out with me.
The reason for that is I am constantly working towards improving myself. Making myself better. I have plans, I am going places. I am working towards my goals. (That is actually my guess)
Yes, people do care about looks and women are affected by looks. A lot of women react to a "hot stud." But a person who has things together and is taking care of business will probably have a better chance with women than a "Hot stud" who is a screw-up.
That's just my hypothesis.
Keep on going, you are doing good.
Again there is no guarantee, but all you can do is work with what you got and learn to have joy in your life whether you are single or in a relationship.
I will quote a rap song.
"I embrace my weaknesses and call them uniquenesses."
Real success is making your weakness your strength, turning pain into power.
There are many things you can do. you must set out a path and walk the path. This is only a season.
Patience and persistence will be rewarded.
P.S. I'm saying this as much to myself as I am to you. I have a similar problem, but my problem is insecurtity. If you don't have a good relationship with yourself then you are not going to have a good relationship with others.
You are doing good.
Last edited by TJenkins602; 10-14-2010 at 01:10 PM..
Reason: Add a thought
I'm pretty sure that's problem. All of my life all types of women have told me how ugly I am.
Then you've been looking for the wrong kind of women. Cupped ears really aren't that bad.
Quote:
My personality has nothing to do with it. Without needing to ask people, people always tell me that I have a good personality. Women do tell me that I'm sweet. I have a good sense of humor.
I'm not bitter towards women. I can't force them to date me.
Okay but I notice you did not say anything about your self confidence. Listen, you're the one who started this thread asking for advice on how to attract women - if you're so convinced that the problem is your looks than the only thing which will help you is plastic surgery. If you're just going to immediately rebuke and promptly ignore all the advice people seem to be giving you, why are you even asking for advice in the first place?
What's interesting is that I googled "cupped ears" to make sure they were what I thought they were and I came across a topic on plentyoffish.com which I'm pretty sure was started by you because the details are exactly the same. The topic from August, a good two months ago and the only advice you didn't ignore was to check into having surgery to pin your ears back. I'm sorry if your insurance doesn't cover it but it seems to me that continuing to ask for advice on different boards isn't going to give you any satisfactory answers because you're not actually interested in them. I would find a way to pay for the surgery because it sounds like that is the only thing that is going to make you happy.
Okay but I notice you did not say anything about your self confidence. Listen, you're the one who started this thread asking for advice on how to attract women - if you're so convinced that the problem is your looks than the only thing which will help you is plastic surgery. If you're just going to immediately rebuke and promptly ignore all the advice people seem to be giving you, why are you even asking for advice in the first place?
Will Smith, who's one of the most successful actors in Hollywood also has quite noticeable ears but it sure hasn't caused him any problems. Even Obama's ears tend to stick out more than most. You used the word "deformed" but is that an accurate description of your ears or are they merely just cupped as you described them? Cupped ears are not a deformity. If they really are causing you personal problems I would consult with a plastic surgeon and I believe it would be a relatively simple procedure to correct whatever it is that you don't like. However, I tend to agree with everyone else who's telling you that your ears are not the problem at all. I'm sorry you're having this difficulty but I honestly think it's something that you'll go through and eventually you'll realize that there's nothing wrong with you at all.
I'm going to say its how you present yourself and self confidence as well. I have a good friend with a hand deformity, but he is an awesome dude, gets along with everyone, and doesn't let it get to him and acts like its not a big deal. Because of that he gets with more girls than I could. In fact I can't even understand how or why he gets so many.
Its all how you carry yourself. Pick your head up, let them know you don't give a **** and its not a big deal. Additionally, I would get in on a level that you can show them how awesome you are, and your good qualities, and they will stop judging you, then go in for the girl. Good luck.
Maybe the OP's deformity is not so severe to make him be discarded by every women per se. But there is another important factor we are not considering: the rest of men.
I know from experience that almost every woman who is somewhat attractive tends to have (at least) a few men interested in her at any given moment. And the problem for some men is not that they are completely unattractive to her: it's just that she can choose among other more attractive men. So unless a man's attractive reaches a minimum in her eyes, commonly the woman won't even consider him. Why, when there's a couple more attractive men after her?
I would suggest you develop some interests outside of sports. Interests that attract more women than men. Join some clubs on campus that have nothing to do with sports.
Hello I'm a 21 year old college and I was born with an ear deformity. I'm not able to attract young women at all. I never experienced the first kiss, date, and girlfriend. Regardless if a woman is a 10 or homly they have no interest in me. Women have no physical attraction towards me. Over 20 women have rejected in me a row.
To tell you a little bit about myself. I'm black. I'm 6'0 at 165 pounds with a little muscle tone. I wear glasses because I can't medically wear contacts. My hobbies are watching football, basketball, and video games. I'm an active member of two clubs on campus so some people know me around campus.
Use humor to offset any discomfort you or she may have about it. Make up an obviously outrageous, yet tongue-in-cheek humorous story about how you came to have a deformed ear, and tell it with a smile.
"No sh*t, there I was...staring into the snarling jaws of a grizzly bear! It lunged for me and I dodged nimbly out of the way, giving it an instantly fatal karate chop to the face as its jaws just missed closing on my head! Unfortunately I was not quite quick enough, and it caught my ear in its teeth as it fell dead to the ground. And that's why my ear looks like this. May I have your number?"
I'm not convinced that your ears are the main problem, but if they are in fact the problem, then here are some considerations:
1) Focus on your education and aim to make enough money so that you can get your ears fixed.
2) Also focus on self-development - basically being the best person that you can be. If you neglect this, you will find that getting your ears fixed won't really solve the problem.
3) Have faith that living the best life that you can live will somehow be its own reward. This will probably work surprisingly well in the long run, and you will find that you eventually find the love you want.
Even if, in the grand scheme of things, life is in fact nothing more than a meaningless string of pointless struggles (something I don't really believe, but I'm assuming a worst-case scenario for the sake of argument), having faith in the value of wisdom and perseverance can, ironically, create meaning and opportunity where otherwise there would be none.
Love and meaning in one's life are rarely given out of the blue; they typically have to be earned. It may not be fair, but it may be a fact that some of us have to struggle longer and harder than others to earn these "gifts".
And BTW, Mercury Cougar is on target: Finding the humor in life is a major element of success.
At the same time as soon as you can get a decent job, I would not think plastic surgery to "fix" your ears would be expensive - well not expensive as plastic surgery goes.
*probably* the issue is not your ears, it's how your ears make you feel about yourself, but like I posted elsewhere, YOU have to like yourself before anyone else will like you. If you are not going to like the man in the mirror till he gets his ears fixed, it's pointless to argue with you. It is what it is.
Meantime, hit the gym. Hit the books. What's your major? Major in something that will lead to a decent career. Set yourself a goal of getting your ears fixed say within a year after landing your first job.
Two words for you: delayed gratification.
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