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I made a thread a month or so ago discussing my boyfriend's (Jake) genius friend (Andy) who randomly came to Jake's (parent's) house at 2 in the morning to use the bathroom. Well you aren't even going to believe this. IT HAPPENED AGAIN. This time at 3 in the morning. I wasn't there, just heard about it afterward. Jake wasn't the least bit bothered by it. I flipped out because I think it's really rude to just show up like that, at that hour when people are sleeping, for something that isn't an emergency. They don't lock their door so they make it very easy for anyone to walk in at any time of the day or night.
I am just flabbergasted! This is causing a tiff between Jake and I because while I think it was totally uncalled for, he doesn't see any issue with it. When I told him how I felt (when he asked my opinion), he even went so far as to say that I'm acting like I'm superior and manners don't make any sense because people are all raised differently. What the hell? Anyway, I can't help but wonder what's going to happen when we live together. There is no way I would stand for that. At least his friend is moving to Florida in a few months. Thank God. I'm just so tired of these people.
Another one of Jake's friends (Kyle) has been living in Jake's (parent's) basement for seven months. He's unemployed (and is not actively looking for work), contributes nothing to the house, but eats their food, uses their computers, watches their TV, rides their bikes, etc while retaining enough money to buy pot once in a while (which I don't have a problem with by itself, but to put that ahead of basic necessities is INSANE)...don't people have any shame?
I think if I were you, I'd rethink staying with Jake....you think this is a problem now, wait....and yes, we're all raised differently, however, I would never ever put up with this as a parent...that Andy would have come to my home only once like that, and that would have been the end of it.
They say, Birds of a feather flock together....and if Jake's friends are so irresponsible, and his parents put up with this behavior...well, sorry to say, you have nothing in commone with him, and it's best to find someone to love who is mentally compatible to you...which means so much....as your finding out....
No kidding. Jake's mom wants Kyle OUT but hesitates to confront him because she doesn't want him to end up on the streets and she doesn't know how he would react to being told to leave. Isn't that sad? She's afraid to confront him. But she brings it up all the time to Jake and I. I can't really do anything because I don't live there, and it doesn't bother Jake so he doesn't do anything. It just bothers me seeing people running away from their debts (which both Kyle and Andy have done) and expecting other people to support them. I try to be understanding but this has been going on for so long...I can't keep making excuses for other people's laziness. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but I would never, EVER impose on another person like that.
I know how she must feel, however, she is contributing to Kyle's behavior...he needs to be told to contribute or else....
she is enabling his behavior...b/c she fears confrontation or whatever...but it seems to me, she is not able to discipline, which speaks volumnes about how Jake will be toward you after your married....he will, in fact take advantage of you...he doesn't know it, but all he will be doing is finding another mother...You...
I find it weird for Andy to come to his place at 3 AM to just use the bathroom.
I don't like freeloaders, but I understand if they're like brothers or sisters and need help. They do have to get their life back together because I can't provide for eternity. My home is open to my friends if they ever need a place to stay. As long as they're not drug dealers or whatever, I'm fine.
I see ALOT of arguing between you and Jake in your future. He obviously doesn't feel the same about lack of manners and freeloaders as you. If it's bothering you now, it will only get worse when you actually live together.
I hope not. We differ in opinions on a lot of these kinds of issues but I have no problem brushing off an argument. Life's too short. As long as we don't dwell on any of it I don't really mind arguments once in a while. But yeah, if it becomes frequent we might have a problem.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CaliTerp07
It sounds like it's Jake's parents who need to put their feet down--not you or Jake. It's not your house. If mom & dad don't mind it, then it's their choice. If they really cared, why wouldn't they just lock the door?
(That said, it would never cross my mind to use someone else's bathroom in the middle of the night--or any time of day, really)
If you're so adamantly against freeloaders though, I have to wonder if you aren't a little bit angry at Jake for living with his parents too? (I obviously don't know any background info, maybe there's a very good reason why he is)
That's an excellent question. I think it's because his mom is a devout Catholic and she feels that it would be sinful to turn anyone away from their home. His dad doesn't really care one way or the other. I guess I shouldn't let it bother me but I feel bad that Jake's mom is so uncomfortable in her own home. And I just think that it shows poor character on Andy and Kyle's parts to be so inconsiderate.
It's funny you say that because I live with my dad right now and will probably end up moving back in with my mom soon. I'll be paying rent, though. I have nothing against living with someone when you're down on your luck and making an effort to improve yourself. Jake lives with his parents because he's in college (and I'll be in school this fall as well). That wasn't really the part about it that bothered me - I was just commenting on the lack of manners. I'm not sure why being polite is so important to me, maybe it's not really that big of a deal.
Quote:
Originally Posted by samston
I don't think it's your place to impose. You are not part of their family, and it's your bf's parents' house. their rules ultimately hold.
I'm not imposing, just commenting on the lack of manners. When Jake's mom brings this up I just listen, but today Jake asked my opinion so I told him. Anyway, I was just wondering who else on CD places an importance on showing common courtesy for other people.
[quote=WestWillow;15119596]
Quote:
Originally Posted by mchelle
How important are these to you?
Dang! They sound kinda like The Adams Family.
By never locking their doors, allowing weirdos to wonder in and out at all hours, and even keeping a bum in their basement, this is NOT a normal family home. It's just a flophouse!
Jake was brought up this way, his parents taught him that this way of life is okay, therefore, he thinks it's totally normal.
He is even telling you that this is the way that HE intends to live for the rest of his life, and if you don't like it...Too bad!
Many women think that they can change a man into being something other than what he is, but it will never happen. It's wishful thinking.
Unless you are willing to live this way with him, think long and hard before moving in together.
Your moral values and living standards are worlds apart.
Are you okay with letting any children you may have together take on his lifestyle? Yikes!
If it were me, I'd run the other way as fast as I could.
Good luck to you, whatever you decide to do.
I'm trying to understand our differences and not let them interfere with our relationship but I've gotta admit, it's getting a bit tough.
Manners are very important, especially at the table. People who talk with their fricking mouth open bother me to no end.
People who cut me off mid-sentence all the time are not my friends.
People who think they can take liberties with me (telling me anything they want, judging me, screaming, using my bathroom at 3Am ) because we're close are also a no-no.
Manners are very important, especially at the table. People who talk with their fricking mouth open bother me to no end.
People who cut me off mid-sentence all the time are not my friends.
People who think they can take liberties with me (telling me anything they want, judging me, screaming, using my bathroom at 3Am ) because we're close are also a no-no.
That is hilarious (in kind of a bad way). Jake does all of those things! Talking with his mouth open, constantly interrupting me. It's so frustrating. But I love him.
Well, all I can think of is, if his friends are staying at his parents place now, then if you two are together in your own place, they might want to crash as well, what will you do then?
That's an excellent question. I think it's because his mom is a devout Catholic and she feels that it would be sinful to turn anyone away from their home. His dad doesn't really care one way or the other. I guess I shouldn't let it bother me but I feel bad that Jake's mom is so uncomfortable in her own home. And I just think that it shows poor character on Andy and Kyle's parts to be so inconsiderate.
It's funny you say that because I live with my dad right now and will probably end up moving back in with my mom soon. I'll be paying rent, though. I have nothing against living with someone when you're down on your luck and making an effort to improve yourself. Jake lives with his parents because he's in college (and I'll be in school this fall as well). That wasn't really the part about it that bothered me - I was just commenting on the lack of manners. I'm not sure why being polite is so important to me, maybe it's not really that big of a deal.
Manners are a very big deal, especially in the professional world. I've gotten a lot further in my job because the client liked me. I'm smart and competent and good at what I do, but the fact that I was polite and kind to the people who are signing off on my paychecks makes a world of difference. Business lunches? You'd better have good table manners, or the deal won't get signed.
So yes, manners are important. But...it's not normal to leave your door unlocked at night because once in a blue moon your son's friend might stop by to use the bathroom at 3 am. That's dangerous. Your bf's mother can still be a wonderfully caring and inviting person without leaving the door unlocked.
Andy and Kyle are probably just clueless adolescents who are still stuck in the "world revolves around me" that most people eventually grow out of. Sounds like they have it worse than most. Their parents must have done a heck of a job raising them.
Well, all I can think of is, if his friends are staying at his parents place now, then if you two are together in your own place, they might want to crash as well, what will you do then?
That's what worries me. I would NEVER allow that. I always make sure to lock my doors and the thought of not doing so makes me extremely uncomfortable. Not to mention that his friends are super sleezy...It would bother me to have them stay longer than a day. If that happened it would honestly destroy our relationship. I just can't stand the thought of paying for another person to live, especially one who CHOOSES not to work or is intolerable to be around.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CaliTerp07
Manners are a very big deal, especially in the professional world. I've gotten a lot further in my job because the client liked me. I'm smart and competent and good at what I do, but the fact that I was polite and kind to the people who are signing off on my paychecks makes a world of difference. Business lunches? You'd better have good table manners, or the deal won't get signed.
So yes, manners are important. But...it's not normal to leave your door unlocked at night because once in a blue moon your son's friend might stop by to use the bathroom at 3 am. That's dangerous. Your bf's mother can still be a wonderfully caring and inviting person without leaving the door unlocked.
Andy and Kyle are probably just clueless adolescents who are still stuck in the "world revolves around me" that most people eventually grow out of. Sounds like they have it worse than most. Their parents must have done a heck of a job raising them.
Yeah, but they're 21 years old. You'd like they would have grown out of it by now. Kyle's parents won't take him into their house (his dad says it would destroy his (new) marriage and his mom is just totally out of the picture apparently) and Andy only sees his mother around the holidays. I know that they're never really gotten along. So on one hand I feel bad for them but on the other...I didn't have it easy either and I didn't force my well being upon someone else. I can only sympathize for so long.
Manners are a very big deal, especially in the professional world. I've gotten a lot further in my job because the client liked me. I'm smart and competent and good at what I do, but the fact that I was polite and kind to the people who are signing off on my paychecks makes a world of difference. Business lunches? You'd better have good table manners, or the deal won't get signed.
So yes, manners are important. But...it's not normal to leave your door unlocked at night because once in a blue moon your son's friend might stop by to use the bathroom at 3 am. That's dangerous. Your bf's mother can still be a wonderfully caring and inviting person without leaving the door unlocked.
Andy and Kyle are probably just clueless adolescents who are still stuck in the "world revolves around me" that most people eventually grow out of. Sounds like they have it worse than most. Their parents must have done a heck of a job raising them.
nice post, I agree with a lot of it..
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At least his friend is moving to Florida in a few months. Thank God. I'm just so tired of these people. 
We differ in opinions on a lot of these kinds of issues but I have no problem brushing off an argument. Life's too short. As long as we don't dwell on any of it I don't really mind arguments once in a while. But yeah, if it becomes frequent we might have a problem.
I'll be paying rent, though. I have nothing against living with someone when you're down on your luck and making an effort to improve yourself. Jake lives with his parents because he's in college (and I'll be in school this fall as well). That wasn't really the part about it that bothered me - I was just commenting on the lack of manners. I'm not sure why being polite is so important to me, maybe it's not really that big of a deal.
) because we're close are also a no-no.
