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My wife's cousin is in her 60's. She takes care of the children, and cooks and cleans the house during the week while we work (we do pay her for it). She has 3 grown children of her own and they all live in Trinidad. Yesterday my wife picked up her Daughter from the airport. She is up for a visit for about a week. This was a total surprise for my wife's cousin. When I got home from work a few hours later I came into the house, said hello, and retired to my bedroom to relax since I did not have the luxury of working from home (as my wife does). Just before I'm getting ready for bed my wife starts in on me saying that I embarrassed her by not staying out in the living room and talking, further stating that I was being unsociable, and that unless I step up and interact more that she did not want to go anywhere in a social setting with me. My first question is how much time should I be expected to play "host" after coming home from work? Should I ignore that thing called "fatigue" and just fall asleep mid-sentence, and second what does going out with me socially have to do with the way I interact with a house guest? Is this some form of "punishment" for being a bad adult? Any and all opinions are appreciated.
I would say it is bad manners. We all feel tired , we often do not feel like doing things but most people will just put up with something because it is the polite thing to do. I can understand why your wife would be embarassed , I would have been to. It reflects badly on you to have a husband who is less than sociable.
When you married your wife presuambly because you loved her and wanted to make her happyand unless that Lady's daughter is extremely objectionable or offensive it does seem rude to basically ignore her in your house.
I loathe my Parents in Law but when they ( rarely thank goodness) do come to our house I will play hostess to them even though tey treat me like garbage and I suffer from ill health.
I see it as a matter of pride to be as good and gracious a hostess as I can regardless of my feelings about them or how terrible I feel. They never return the gesture when we visit them but at least I can hold my head up high that I have done the right thing.
Being tired is no excuse IMO. It's your house you should be host to that Lady and ignore your own discomfort for a little while. It does not sound that much to ask especially as I assume this is a very rare visit . Her Mother is obviously someone who does a lot for you ( yes I know you pay her for it ) and she is a cousin of your wife's so it seems to me rather churlish to go to bed simply because you're tired.
This may sound harsh but I do feel good manners are crucial ( especially if you have kids who will learn from your behaviour) in a world sorely lacking in social graces...
The "punishing" by your wife seems childish though, I think telling you how she felt should have been enough. You're both grown ups , talk about it rationally trying to see each other's points of view .
Yes, it was rude. I'm sure it made the guest feel unwelcome. I'm sure you wife was embarrassed. You simply put your feelings and needs (being tired from work) ahead of anyone else.
Had I been the guest, I'd never come to your home again.
You might consider living alone. There are advantages to living alone you never need to worry about guests, other people, etc.
Well, there was a time when we had house guests over (friends we've known for years) and I told my wife that I was so tired that I might go into the bedroom and lay down for awhile.......she said "Ok" and our friends said "Ok" as well. I remember visiting them and I told them that my wife might have to lay down for awhile because she seemed to sleepy and they said "fine, just go in the bedroom and lay down".
Now, we wouldn't do this with just any guest, only with family/friends that we knew.......and either one of us would have to be REALLY tired/sleepy to do it!
But, this is OUR marriage and how we handle things. Marriages and the people in them are all different.
Well, I guess my wife and I are rude people, but that sure isn't the way our friends/family see us. And, YOU do seem pretty harsh about this......but then again, that's your opinion and you are entitled to YOUR opinion as well as the rest of us are.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MMichelle
Yes, it was rude. I'm sure it made the guest feel unwelcome. I'm sure you wife was embarrassed. You simply put your feelings and needs (being tired from work) ahead of anyone else.
Had I been the guest, I'd never come to your home again.
You might consider living alone. There are advantages to living alone you never need to worry about guests, other people, etc.
Location: Pittsburgh but I'm ready to relocate......
727 posts, read 1,890,624 times
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TRINI!!!.....I think it was borderline bad manners. You couldve atleast sat and talk for a half hour and then said excuse me guys work has worn me out,and excused yourself. Made them feel welcomed and comfortable....I understand being tired though!
That's the reason why I don't have (apart from close family) any guests anymore.
I remember a long time ago when I was single I had some [low profile] little parties at home and I was happy to have a cosy little apartment that I had decorated myself , I had put quite a lot in energy in it, not being a very manual person.
So once during that get together I asked a friends friend : "so how do you find it here? don't you think it's nice?" (I know, I shouldn't have been so proud of my mdest achievment) she just answered a chill "ok" , I was a bit mortified, and a few days later somebody told me she had complained, saying I was boastful and that there was no reason for that, that a host shouldn't talk of his success of decorating his apartment, it's gross, etc. so I thought to myself "so you don't appreciate, get lost"
My wife's cousin is in her 60's. She takes care of the children, and cooks and cleans the house during the week while we work (we do pay her for it). She has 3 grown children of her own and they all live in Trinidad. Yesterday my wife picked up her Daughter from the airport. She is up for a visit for about a week. This was a total surprise for my wife's cousin. When I got home from work a few hours later I came into the house, said hello, and retired to my bedroom to relax since I did not have the luxury of working from home (as my wife does). Just before I'm getting ready for bed my wife starts in on me saying that I embarrassed her by not staying out in the living room and talking, further stating that I was being unsociable, and that unless I step up and interact more that she did not want to go anywhere in a social setting with me. My first question is how much time should I be expected to play "host" after coming home from work? Should I ignore that thing called "fatigue" and just fall asleep mid-sentence, and second what does going out with me socially have to do with the way I interact with a house guest? Is this some form of "punishment" for being a bad adult? Any and all opinions are appreciated.
Actually, yes, it was very bad manners. The way I interpret this, you walked in the door, said, "Hey, how's it going," and then vamoosed to the back. I don't really buy the "I'm too tired" argument, because surely you could have mustered enough of a second wind to hang out for at least 20 minutes to catch up, and pretend to be glad to see her. After all, you didn't say that you went to the bedroom to sleep, but rather to relax. That could mean that you were reading a book, listening to tunes, or any number of other things.
Then, an undetermined amount of time later when you were actually getting ready for bed, she voiced displeasure with you, and I really don't blame her. Evidently, this isn't the first time you've ticked her off like this. Sounds like you really need to evaluate your social skills.
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