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I haven't moved out yet. I and the kids can move in with my parents. I had a date set and everything. The winds in my sails have died. I am very depressed. I don't want to get out of bed. I have to so I can go to work. Talking to people about it brings me down. "Just get out, what are you waiting for,you're and have wasted your life with him blah blah blah."
I don't have the strength to do this. He so mean and nasty and it will be a nightmare. My heart can't take anymore. I'd rather die. Problem solved but I can't because of my kids.
I don't stay because I want to, I stay because u just can't do it. I have no drive left.
This is a medical crisis. No time for talk therapy. You can call 911 for a psychiatric emergency. Do it NOW! Your kids will be ok. Don't discuss it with friends, family, or therapist. Just pick up the phone and call 911.
Having lived through someone's suicide last June and seeing the destruction and aftermath I'm begging you to think twice about what you're doing. You need professional help to help you put things in proper perspective. These feelings and pain will not define the rest of your life. Please, please get some help before you do something your kids may suffer with for the rest of their lives.
I would score low on a suicide lethality checklist because of my children. The thoughts are prevalent in my mind and very depressing. Some days are harder than others.
I'm working through it or trying to. I spoken with my parents and am still set to move out on my original move out date. This is by far the hardest thing I feel I've ever done in my life. The most damaging part to me is that so many lives are affected by it.
Thank you for your posts and comments. I appreciate them and it is helpful to hear others have gone through this.
I would score low on a suicide lethality checklist because of my children. The thoughts are prevalent in my mind and very depressing. Some days are harder than others.
I'm working through it or trying to. I spoken with my parents and am still set to move out on my original move out date. This is by far the hardest thing I feel I've ever done in my life. The most damaging part to me is that so many lives are affected by it.
Thank you for your posts and comments. I appreciate them and it is helpful to hear others have gone through this.
That is great, Kat that you have spoken to your parents and have set a date. Remember that you did not plan for your marriage to turn out the way it did. You are not to blame and you should not feel guilty that it has gotten to the point where it needs to end. Everyone will adjust. One way or another. You will get a second chance at having a good life and being happy. Your kids will too. This is going to be really hard in the beginning but you will get through it. Sending strength your way.
I would score low on a suicide lethality checklist because of my children. The thoughts are prevalent in my mind and very depressing. Some days are harder than others.
I'm working through it or trying to. I spoken with my parents and am still set to move out on my original move out date. This is by far the hardest thing I feel I've ever done in my life. The most damaging part to me is that so many lives are affected by it.
Thank you for your posts and comments. I appreciate them and it is helpful to hear others have gone through this.
There's no one in the whole word who God loves more than he loves you. So what is it you're thinking? I'm thinking you must be pretty dang important. No offense to your kids but the creator of the universe is an even better reason to have hope.
I have met with an attorney. I need to meet with her again so she can write something up that states everything is still half mine until the divorce is final. He's refusing to hire an attorney. We are going to try and agree to things and stay out of the courts.
That's his choice. I want the attorney on my side. We'll see.
Please do not undervalue the ramifications of severe depression. Whether your depression is situational or clinical, I have no way of knowing. Many times suicide is sparked by a type of psychological agony—remorse, grief, dejection—that could very well have been diminished with professional help if treated in time. That you have brought it up-repeatedly, is of concern. I am assuming that you are a real person and that the anguish you describe is in no way overstated.
I have met with an attorney. I need to meet with her again so she can write something up that states everything is still half mine until the divorce is final. He's refusing to hire an attorney. We are going to try and agree to things and stay out of the courts.
That's his choice. I want the attorney on my side. We'll see.
Is it helping to take away any feelings of uncertainty? I know you say you don't want to live and I understand that, but why should you die? There is so much good ahead for you. And don't worry about taking your husband to the cleaners. You are not the only one responsible for your children and it takes resources to feed, house and clothe them. Also, you should not be working so many hours that you don't establish a proper relationship and bonding with your children.
I have a therapist and I'm calling her today to make an appointment. I do believe its situational. I have SERIOUS conflict in my mind over this as I am a Christian and Christians don't do this. It feels like the situation I'm in "has killed me." That best way to describ how I feel. I can't even tell you how it feels to live under someone's thumb. The best way to explain it would be, think of your childhood bully at school who picked on you everyday and embarrassed you in front of everyone at school. Now picture living with that 24/7 in your home where you can never get away from it. The problem is that I've told him he hurts me and begged to go to counseling for about 8 years but he said no and that it's my fault that he treats me that way. I need discipline and guidance. Everything is a lesson "to better myself." If I'm hurt from him correcting me and yelling it's because I'm too sensitive. I won't even go into the horrors of our sex life. I've tried to block those times out of mind completely.
When you live like this for 13 years, it really controlls every thought you have in your mind and it's all negative. It's a hot mess. Lots of pain and questions of why.
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