I probably should hate my parents.. but I don't have the ability to hate or love anymore. (anxiety, therapy)
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So, I'm a 24 year old male that has tried at life, and I found out that I'm no good at it.
I was raised primarily by my mom who has had anxiety, depression, and I think some personality disorders. My mom would always blame me for everything, and still does. My mom would even go as far as making up or exaggerating things, and belittling my dad, or threatening divorce if he didn't "act" like a man and punish me.
My parents are like, why can't you support yourself, what's wrong with you, were you bullied in school? I tell them, that I wasn't bullied as much as other kids in school, and I don't even care about that, I just want them to accept me as a human "being" , and not a human "doing". And also that my ptsd like symptoms are from my dad mainly. When he would threaten me, and always say, that I'm not getting another nickel from him, and that I need to get out of the house, etc. I wouldn't say I was physically abused, although I was spanked very young, and was given plenty of soap in the mouth as well. Even though I figured out many years later, that my mom was the instigator, and would practically trick me into getting upset just so she or my dad would punish me.
I never really understood it when I was little, or even till my 20's. I was afraid to talk in school, probably because of the way my mom judged me over the littlest of things, and my parents always called me a bad kid or even as far as saying I was possessed by an evil spirit.
Anyways, they know all about my psychological issues, yet they don't seem to understand how my issues affect my everyday life and opportunistic to make a living for myself.
I have no friends or other family I can turn to, even though I have a huge extended family because I've always thought of myself as inadequate for friendship or meaningful family relationship.
My parents have had more new/ or fairly new used cars, and houses/rental properties in my 24 years of life then I have toes and fingers combined.
Yet, I can't live in their in their 5000 square foot home because , well, i guess because my mom doesn't like me. I guess she expected me to make her happy and resolve her needs. Which is impossible for any kid to do. I don't want to live there myself, however it is better than being homeless. When I live there, I get nothing but emotional and verbal abuse.
They'll say one day, "you can stay here until you're healthier, we're so proud you're getting help"... and then 4 days later they say "what are you doing living in our home? you need to get out of here you lazy piece of ****".
I have no money whatsoever. No credit, nothing. All I asked of them was to let me live there, which they have amazingly adequate room for, but they act like I cost them tons of money by living there, when in reality it maybe costs an extra 50 bucks a month to their 3000 mortgage payments.
I think maybe I was suppose to like kill myself. Maybe that was God's plan for me? It's not an option I'm going to do. Or maybe I'm just suppose to live homeless, however I can't see myself surviving that anymore, since of my controlled and coddled upbringing. I get easily very uncomfortable over minor temperature changes and things.
I know I have a hard time taking responsibility for my own self, and want to change it, however I'm in such a hole now that I don't think I can get out. My parents never took responsibility for me, it was always the school's job to make me a good christian, and a smart person.
I know I have it better than probably millions and millions of people in the US. So on one hand I feel bad for complaining, but I also do not know how to ask anyone but my parents for help financially or otherwise. Which also limits my abilities in being a good pan handler to take care of myself.
Do yourself (and your parents) a favor. Get a job. Pay them board and save money. Get yourself a place to live (on your own). Move out and support yourself. Try to work up to a better job. You are hanging around the very same people that you claim are bringing you down. Step out of your comfort zone. Become self sufficient. Stop making excuses for not being able to and do it. Stop blaming everything wrong in your life on your parents and take control of your own life.
...there is a reason, in nature, why the momma bird eventually pushes her chick from the nest...not because she wants to harm her chick, she instinctively knows it's time, time to fly out on it's own or fall to earth and be devoured by the nearest predator...good or bad, we humans don't adhere to the same instincual drive.
sounds like it's time to man up and take control of your life, it's fly or fall time...take the advice of the previous posters, find a job and get out of the nest....good luck!
I think I could have written what you did, word for word nearly. Except that now I'm 32, and tada, still no good at life. I've quit numerous jobs and been married and divorced. I was abusive to my husband and he finally had enough of my B.S. Now, I'm in that uncomfortable position again of having to ask my parents for help. What they lacked in emotional nurturing they make up for with a check book. But I hate having to count on them - just being in the same room with them makes me very uncomfortable - probably all those memories of corporal punishment. I had the soap in the mouth thing too; my folks also used the belt - incessantly, a fly swatter, the stand-by switch from a tree, and induced vomiting (that was a particularly genius form of punishment).
Now I'm looking into getting a job at a fast food restaurant and my only two goals are to keep the job long enough to get my bachelor's degree and get promoted so I'm making enough money to pay down my debt while continuing getting my education.
I just feel like a louse of a human most of the time - though I tend to hide it well, it clearly impacts every day life.
Mostly I just want you to know that someone understands. I've even done the homeless thing - because that seemed like a better option than living with my folks. But ultimately, this is my life and I want to do something more than sit around and feel sorry for myself.
I've gotten myself hooked up with mental health services in my community and hopefully with medication and therapy I can get myself straight. Maybe you can look into mental health services in your community as well? Just a thought.
Anyway, Good luck to you. This is your life. Live it to the fullest!
All I hear is excuses. Other people at your age are married and have kids that they have to support. You don't even have a job. Time to grow up and grow a pair.
No offense, but cut the excuses and get yourself to work. You hate living with your parents, but don't to anything to better the situation.
Why do people always blame their parents? Don't you have any say in your own destination in life? Untold number of people have overcome unfortunate situations and learned how to cope and succeed in life rather than wallow in self pity. Get a job, find a place to call your own and you'll be much happier.
You are in a toxic situation that needs to change fast. As others have said, get a job. It can be anything -- flipping burgers, mowing lawns, working at a call center,driving a taxi, stocking shelves and sweeping floors. Once you begin earning money, no matter how little at first, your self-esteem will improve dramatically and you will be able to put some psychic distance between you and your folks.
Also, you say that you have a large extended family. Is it possible for you to go live with any of them for a while, get a job, and make a fresh start?
What about college? Did you attend? If not, maybe you should, even if you have to borrow to start off at a community college. School is also a good way not to be isolated, and it sounds as if if your isolation is fueling your feelings of worthlessness.
You talk about being a good Christian. Is thre a pastor or other clergy that you can share with? It's worth a shot.
Finally, the quick exit is to join the military. Coast guard, navy, army, should all be things you're considering, though they could be off the table if you've been formally diagnosed with mental illness. (Check this out, as I'm no expert on what recruiters ask for or look for.)
And what exactly is your living situation? I'm unclear about that. If its not with your parents, where are you living and how do you pay rent?
Bottom line is that you have to take action. Start with small steps and work your way up to larger and more important ones. Keep a record of what those steps are so you can see the progress you've made when you start to get get discouraged. But you have to start somewhere. You can't keep blaming Mom and Dad, or school for your problems. I'm sure they helped. But the solution to your problems lies within yourself.
I am sorry that you had to go through such abuse at the hands of your parents, the very people who are supposed to be loving and supportive and understanding. But it seems to me that because of this very reason, the best thing for you would be to get away from them by getting a job and moving out. I agree with the others that any type of job will likely improve your self esteem a lot just by providing you with an income and being able to support yourself but also by getting you out of a toxic household. I am glad you are not seriously considering suicide - you say your no good at life but you haven't given life a chance yet really.
I was once in a similar position - I don't have abusive parents but for a number of reasons I went through a period of depression where I had dropped/failed out of college, didn't have a job, lost touch with all my friends, didn't know what to do with my life. I was a little younger than you, around 19/20, but I felt like a useless failure, I felt like I couldn't get my life together. I wasn't living, I was just existing and most days I didn't even want to exist. I would go to bed and hope that I'd never wake up.
But things got better and now I'm 32, married, and happy. I graduated from a photography school years ago and make a decent living as a professional photographer. I won't lie, it took years to accomplish and I had more emotional support than you do, from my family. They were understanding and sympathetic while at the same time always gently pushing me to find my way, to find a job, go back to school, etc. I am sorry that you don't have this kind of loving support from people who know how to constructively encourage you to find a job and improve your life, but either way, ultimately it's YOU who has to take control of your life. I had help from my family but ultimately, I am the one who decided to pick myself up and change things and I am the one who accomplished that.
Author Alice Sebold once wrote "You save yourself or you remain unsaved."
I am sorry that you had to go through such abuse at the hands of your parents, the very people who are supposed to be loving and supportive and understanding. But it seems to me that because of this very reason, the best thing for you would be to get away from them by getting a job and moving out. I agree with the others that any type of job will likely improve your self esteem a lot just by providing you with an income and being able to support yourself but also by getting you out of a toxic household. I am glad you are not seriously considering suicide - you say your no good at life but you haven't given life a chance yet really.
I was once in a similar position - I don't have abusive parents but for a number of reasons I went through a period of depression where I had dropped/failed out of college, didn't have a job, lost touch with all my friends, didn't know what to do with my life. I was a little younger than you, around 19/20, but I felt like a useless failure, I felt like I couldn't get my life together. I wasn't living, I was just existing and most days I didn't even want to exist. I would go to bed and hope that I'd never wake up.
But things got better and now I'm 32, married, and happy. I graduated from a photography school years ago and make a decent living as a professional photographer. I won't lie, it took years to accomplish and I had more emotional support than you do, from my family. They were understanding and sympathetic while at the same time always gently pushing me to find my way, to find a job, go back to school, etc. I am sorry that you don't have this kind of loving support from people who know how to constructively encourage you to find a job and improve your life, but either way, ultimately it's YOU who has to take control of your life. I had help from my family but ultimately, I am the one who decided to pick myself up and change things and I am the one who accomplished that.
Author Alice Sebold once wrote "You save yourself or you remain unsaved."
I loved that book and that phrase.
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I totally get it!
