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OK, you've outlined your disadvantages and inabilities and you've explained the cause. Rather well I might add. From your post I'd say you are intelligent enough and have good self insight. You have been dealt a really crap hand and that you can't change. But what you can do is take a deep look at yourself and find what you can do and what you might be good at. You are good at something! For starters you can articulate rather well.
I like physical effort to balance the anxiety. Can you ride a bicycle where you are? Mountain biking is great for improving your sense of wellness. Things happen when you exert yourself - endorphins are released which make you feel good. You get fit which makes you feel good. You start to look fit which makes you feel good. Cycling is only one way but it's a great way because it feels good to ride a bike.
Then you need a support group. Like us for example but a real life support group is best, I'd say. Take up on the pastor suggestion. There must be church groups that would be your support. You will need to work up to being able to find a job. That may be hard for you under the circumstances but it's not as hard as you feel it to be.
You've said that you have PTSD like symptoms. That's not surprising. It's not surprising that you can't seem to love or hate any more - you are likely drained. But you can recover/save yourself. You will need help and that you do need to find. You have started right here and that is good. Keep talking to us.
Finding work, any kind of work, will make you feel so much better about yourself. Your parents will have more respect for you if you work and contribute to the household expenses. It is your first step toward redemption. I agree that finding a supportive community will help you, too. Try the nearest Unitarian church - you will find liberal, supportive people who will not judge you nor will they expect you to show devotion to a religious cult in order to belong.
Some people never should be parents. Sounds like your parents are two such people, sorry you had to be born into that.
"Smooth seas don't make a skilled sailor". You've had it rough, but you'll learn from it and grow more then most people as a result. Maybe that was God's reasoning for your life so far. I hear he works in mysterious ways...
OP - you deserved better parents. That goes without saying. Get a job, get mental health counseling if you can. As soon as you can distance yourself physically and emotionally from your toxic parents. They never deserved you - and you deserved so much better. We are all scarred in some way - some more than others. Go into the world - do not give up and you will find others who like you have scars and bruises and can relate. I wish you peace
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