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Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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I know a couple who pay for their teens gas, fast food, everything his 18 year old heart desires. He doesn't have to work for anything--yet. I can't help but wonder how his transition is going to work for him. So, I ask....
If you were spoiled as a child and/or teen and are now grown, what are your thoughts on parents spoiling kids like this? Are you glad they did or do you wish they'd have focused more on preparing you for the real world?
My parents did those things for me while I lived at home. But I wasn't a brat about it. It wasn't expected, but it was nice and I always said a thank you. My mom always told me to enjoy it now because when you are grown with bills and kids all of your money goes to them. I am 34 and when I visit my parents my dad still likes to check my oil, tire pressure and if I am low on gas he takes my car and fills it up. My dad also paid for my snow tires too. If I go shopping with my mom she always pays for my lunch. But I always unedstood money. Pay bills first, put something in savings, then spend what's left. When I had my first job I paid for my car insurance, clothes, and gas - dad would fill up my tank when he was changing io or something on it. I was saving up to get a better car. There is no way my parents would be paying for anything for me if I didn't have a job. I also didn't do chores other than clean my room. I wish I learned how to cook and do other household chores while I lived at home. I can't imagine going through the Taco Bell dive thu with my 18 yr old and making then give me $5 bucks, when I would have paid when thet were 16. I think it all has to do with attitude and if it is expected.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,005,830 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by SuzyQ123
My parents did those things for me while I lived at home. But I wasn't a brat about it. It wasn't expected, but it was nice and I always said a thank you. My mom always told me to enjoy it now because when you are grown with bills and kids all of your money goes to them. I am 34 and when I visit my parents my dad still likes to check my oil, tire pressure and if I am low on gas he takes my car and fills it up. My dad also paid for my snow tires too. If I go shopping with my mom she always pays for my lunch. But I always unedstood money. Pay bills first, put something in savings, then spend what's left. When I had my first job I paid for my car insurance, clothes, and gas - dad would fill up my tank when he was changing io or something on it. I was saving up to get a better car. There is no way my parents would be paying for anything for me if I didn't have a job. I also didn't do chores other than clean my room. I wish I learned how to cook and do other household chores while I lived at home. I can't imagine going through the Taco Bell dive thu with my 18 yr old and making then give me $5 bucks, when I would have paid when thet were 16. I think it all has to do with attitude and if it is expected.
Interesting. Thanks for the insight.
As for taco bell, I actually meant--but didn't say, I know--when he's out cruising in the car they gave him with the gas they bought for the weekend. "Here's money for fast food". Of course I'd pay were they with me at the time, no question.
My dad bought me a cheap little used Chevette, pd for 6 mths insurance and after that if I wanted to drive I had to pay the insurance. If I wanted a better car I would have to pay for it. I worked a few hrs a week at a video store while I was in school so I could pay for insurance. Even at 16 if I was out with my friends I paid for my Taco Bell, but if I was with my mom she paid.
So long as I was working hard towards getting an education that would make me self sufficient and a productive member of society, I didn't have to do much work around the house. I kept my room straightened and took care of my pets, but that was about it. I never got a car, but I did get access to the family cars pretty much whenever I wanted, my insurance was paid for, and they paid for my soccer fees, piano lessons, college apps, etc.
The focus of my childhood (from jr high on) was getting into a good college. I maintained straight A's in the toughest course load my school offered, played varsity athletics, and was active in several types of volunteer work. I had no TIME to get a job to earn money. When I did have a free friday night and wanted to go out with friends, my parents were generally always willing to give me $20 for dinner/movie ticket, so long as I was home by 10:00.
I don't regret it at all. College was a wonderful transition period for learning to cook and do laundry (I'd never done either until then). I've always been a really frugal person who saves money like mad, so financial management skills weren't something that needed to be taught to me. My accomplishments in high school got me acceptances to several ivy league schools, so everyone (me, parents) were pretty happy with the results.
My parents paid for a set amount of my college tuition (that had been agreed upon early in high school--4 years of a top in state school, or the equivalent amount wherever I chose to go), and with that last tuition check, I was on my own. I got a really well paying job right out of college, and have done great on my own since then. I do call my mom with a lot of goofy questions now that I might have known the answer to if I had more chores around the house (i.e. how do you pick out a good melon in the grocery store, how do you wash pantyhose, how do you fry potatoes, etc) but I've never struggled in life because I didn't have to work in high school. School was my work.
Actually, the only thing I regret about my teenage years is that they were too strict on several categories--I wasn't allowed to date until 16, and I wasn't ever allowed to go out during the week, and only until 10:00 on Fridays or Saturdays. I really think I struggled socially because of that--or maybe 10 years later I just want someone to blame
My parents didn't make us pay for much, and we all turned out just fine. We all successfully managed our finances and own houses, have investments, retirement savings, etc.
Once we were old enough to work, we used our own money for entertainment, but our parents paid for the car, gas, food, shelter, clothing, education, trips, summer camp, etc. They gave us money whenever we didn't have enough because we were not allowed to let work to take precedence over our education. Education was our main job and responsibility. Our parents expected us to get good grades and be pleasant people who were intellectually passionate.
It sort of boggles my mind that people consider this spoiling children. I never in a million years considered myself spoiled. It's simply the way children are raised in my family. We all raise our own children the same way too. We consider financial responsibility is the parents' responsibility. We all kept our family sizes within our financial means. We don't need our children to help pay for things.
We were raised doing minimal chores---nightly dishes and occasionally cleaning a bathroom when our mother asked---but my siblings and I don't require our children to do chores. Instead, we prefer for them to do the occasional chore when asked. Our children don't give us attitudes when we ask them to do things. They're always happy to help when asked. "Could you take out the garbage please?" "It would be a huge help if you could mow the lawn sometime this week for your father." "Please take the dogs out."
It's not like they don't know how to clean. They have each cleaned the bathroom a few times in their life. They know how to do everything required to maintain a house. I simply see no reason for them to participate on a regular basis. My siblings and I managed to keep very well maintained homes without doing massive chores as children.
Not only do I say please, but I always say thank you too. I am not a dictator of my children. I have always treated them with respect---the way I would treat any person. I treat my children's friends the same. Those over 18 say that I treat them more like adults than their own parents treat them.
I will explain from the other side of the fence. My parents did not give me much at all. Whatever I wanted I had to pay for. I had a car, paid for insurance, bought some of my clothes etc... I can't say I didn't learn some lessons from that but it was difficult to concentrate on school work when I had to work to pay for my responsibilities.
Now I have 3 kids and I will be facing this decision in a few years. I believe we are going to try and take some of the burden away from our kids by covering insurance and car repairs. We expect them to have some money in the game but I would rather they focus their energy on school rather than how they are going to get enough money to fix the car etc..... If they have good grades and are good kids then I don't consider it spoiling them. They are being rewarded for hard work in other areas. However we don't plan on giving everything they desire as the poster stated.
Probably somewhere in the middle. I did not have a car in highschool or a job except for during the summer. My parents paid for my activities, car insurance and gas. I was expected to do stuff around the house if asked. I expect more out of my own kids. We expect certain chores to be done - I don't think I should be responsible for cleaning my teen's bathroom. Not my mess. I don't expect them to clean my bathroom either. We pay for their insurance as long as they qualify for a good student discount and have no tickets. They understand if that changes, our participation is re-evaluated. So far that has not been an issue. When my DD was in HS we had an old car so she was able to drive that while it lasted. DS just got his license, we helped him purchase an old but safe car. He paid for most himself. He is currently very diligently looking for work so we do give him an allowance of $20/week (enough to get by on but not enough to have too much fun therefore giving impetus to get a job). Of that he has to cover his gas and entertainment (incl fast food) expenses. Our DD is in college and worked 2 jobs during the school year. We pay her rent and once in awhile I will put a small amount in her acct (mainly because she was unable to find a job last summer which would have given her a cushion - plus she had some serious health issues that landed her in the hospital and unable to work a couple of times). I want them to have to make decisions about where their money goes and get creative about ways to save. They know as long as they are making an effort and taking responsibility, we are there if they need us. They both hate asking for money and very rarely do (but are grateful when it comes!). They are both very hard workers, grateful for what we provide, proud of what they do for themselves and neither one has ever seriously whined about what they don't have (jokingly, sure - one of my DS's good friends is getting a very gently used, 2 yr old Land Rover and a gas card to go with it - is he a bit jealous sure but he knows that there is always going to be someone with more and someone with less. I tell him the best way to get things you want is to study hard and have a good work ethic.
Last edited by maciesmom; 05-10-2010 at 01:30 PM..
I know a couple who pay for their teens gas, fast food, everything his 18 year old heart desires. He doesn't have to work for anything--yet. I can't help but wonder how his transition is going to work for him. So, I ask....
If you were spoiled as a child and/or teen and are now grown, what are your thoughts on parents spoiling kids like this? Are you glad they did or do you wish they'd have focused more on preparing you for the real world?
The way I explain it is that my kids "job" as teens is to do well in school, and to prepare themselves for college. If they hold up their end of the bargain, we pay for the things that they want to do.
I really don't want them to be distracted by making a dollar that they neglect their schoolwork OR give up their sports and activities so that they can pay for gas or fast food. IMO that is short sighted.
Now-we don't pay for EVERYTHING. The kids do have to pay for any video games and things like that. My oldest (16) worked last summer. My middle son (14 in July) does not have a job but we give him and his younger brother a chance to earn money by doing extra chores around the house (wash my car, clean the smoker or grill, etc....)
We do teach the kids about money, saving, etc...even though we pay for them to do things and go places. They know that as long as they are good students and busy with productive activities (football, wrestling, lacrosse, marching band, percussion ensemble, astronomy club) we will continue to pay.
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So, I ask....
