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Only on days when she has a tantrum. Rosemond suggests giving children three strikes or warnings, then it's into the bedroom for the rest of the day. Doctor's orders.
I really disagree with this- I think the maximum room time should be an hour. After an hour they're sick of being in the room and don't even know why they're in there in the first place.
I found an advice column from this Dr.where he talks about a 3 strikes rule for tantrums. His advice says to give an allowance of three tantrums per week. After the third weekly tantrum he calls for a week long restriction with a minimum of no TV, no playing outside and no friends over. He allows parents to come up with additional restrictions which I suppose could include a week in one's room. I find this to be extreme for a small child and completely counterproductive. His advice in this instance for a 6 year old child which is different then a 3 year old, but still.
That doctor is a quack IMO. Punishing a child for a week? A smaller child doesn't even remember a week ago in some cases.
Keeping a child inside with nothing to play with. HAHAHAHA Talk about inciting a riot!!! I have never known a child who could keep it together or a mother who could stay sane with the child inside with nothing to do for a week.
I saw a mom today in the Lands End shoe section of Sears..pregnant, one in a stroller, a toddler, and probably a school age child. The toddler started losing it b/c she wanted to look at bathing suits.... Mom in nothing sort of a blink of an eye took all 3 children to the corner, got down to stare right in the eyes of that toddler, said something to the toddler, put the toddler in the corner, and started playing an "I spy" game w/ the older child. A minute or two later they were back looking at shoes and that toddler was holding onto the stroller, a nice pout on their face, and mom went on with her business w/o bothering anyone but yet not letting the child carry on. I wanted to start clapping.
There's always a reason for a tantrum. Habit. It works. Allergies. Developmental delays. Stress. Physical issues. That just means you have to dig deeper to find the cause.
It works (for her, anyway). Especially since she was allowed to do it for 30 minutes in a store with everyone watching. (For other kids, having people stare at them would shut them down.) OP, you're smart to stop this behavior now.
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Tell your child that the doctor says that three-year-olds who have tantrums are not getting enough sleep and need to sleep more. That will help them grow out of the tantrums. So immediately, because you must follow the doctor's advice to have a healthy child, you must begin putting your child in her room as soon as possible so that she can rest. She must remain in her room the rest of the day, except for supper and bath-time, and then go to bed an hour early so that she can get enough sleep to grow out of her tantrums.
She shouldn't have to experience the consequences too many times to get the idea that her day will be over every time she has a tantrum. If she is too happy in her room because of toys, etc., and the tantrums continue, tell her that the doctor said she needs fewer distractions in her room so that she can really rest. Then strip her room except for a stuffed animal or two and some books. Put her toys in an area where she can play with them when she behaves herself.
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I am not for this. All day in a room. That is one of the reasons I am in favour of cprporal punishment (its quick). All day... wow. That would make me go nurotic. I would spend the hours feeling sorry for my self, getting angry at my jailers, being bored and to top it off I would have long forgotton why I was there if I even understood in the first place.
Also I saw someone had said that tantrums happen for a reason and that you have to keep digging deep until you find it. No way. Adults had medical issues and they don't do melt downs in isle 5. Tantrums are a kid thing. I agree happens more when they are tired.
To me a quick smack. Remove from situation. Cool down. Sleep if required. Come back and do the shopping again without the tantrum.
I agree. A whole day alone in their room sounds like an eternity to a small child and I don't think they are capable of making the connection between the tantrum and being isolated in their room all day.
I found an advice column from this Dr.where he talks about a 3 strikes rule for tantrums. His advice says to give an allowance of three tantrums per week. After the third weekly tantrum he calls for a week long restriction with a minimum of no TV, no playing outside and no friends over. He allows parents to come up with additional restrictions which I suppose could include a week in one's room. I find this to be extreme for a small child and completely counterproductive. His advice in this instance for a 6 year old child which is different then a 3 year old, but still.
I am positively, absolutely NOT responding to the OP.
But I would like to say, just for the record, if I had EVER, in my life acted like that in public my mother AND my father would have knocked me into next week.
But this is NOT A RESPONSE. Don't think it is. It's not. Ok? In fact, I didn't even read the OP. I just decided to put this here for no reason whatsoever. So it's not a response.
That doctor is a quack IMO. Punishing a child for a week? A smaller child doesn't even remember a week ago in some cases.
Keeping a child inside with nothing to play with. HAHAHAHA Talk about inciting a riot!!! I have never known a child who could keep it together or a mother who could stay sane with the child inside with nothing to do for a week.
OP, I think your dd sounds normal-some kids do have fits at that age. I had one of those. And four others who didn't, but that one was just like that. He also had some sensory issues.
I think you are right to start taking a firmer approach to her behavior. I would absolutely leave the store if she started in-yes, it can be inconveinent, but it just needs to happen. I'd also put her in her room everytime she has one at home, and she has to stay in until she's calmed down (which you said in your post, that she does calm down). The first time, she probably will try to come out a million times. Walk her back in and repeat, you may stay in your room until you calm down. When she does, let her out, and continue with life.
From my experience, the tantrums do fade, and they do learn to calm themselves in their room. Even now, at 13, tantrum kid still gets occasionally upset (usually when very tired) and we just tell him, you need to go shut your door and calm down. He always does, he just needs a break from stimuli. Actually, at this point, he knows to remove himself when he's getting upset.
I personally wouldn't take ANY advice from that Rosemond quack. I think it's mean to leave younger kids (say, under school age) in their rooms for days. I have found that, once the tantrum ends, that they can come out of the room and rejoin the family, usually positively.
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