Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I was around the other day when my five year old nephew was put in time-out for hitting his brother and I was wondering about some of the things he was screaming at his mom...something to the effect of.."I wish i had a knife so I could cut your stomach up in pieces.." Now, let me just say that he is usually a well behaved, normal child. I have five year olds myself, and they do say some pretty crazy things at times, but nothing to that extent. Is that at all normal? Also, what would you do in this situation...he's already in time-out...and now he is screaming all this crazy stuff..what next?
That's very odd. Were you babysitting or was a parent right there? If you were babysitting, I would probably not address it until he was calmed down...Then later ask him about his words and why he chose such ugly words. I would stress that being upset or angry is perfectly fine but because he is getting to be such a big boy he needs to know that using words like he was using them is not ok in your house. Then I would have a discussion with his parents. If his parents were there and you were just an observer, you don't have much to say about it one way or the other.
Last edited by maciesmom; 08-07-2009 at 09:31 PM..
I was just observing...so, no, I did not say or do anything...but my sister and I talked about it afterwards and she was really upset by what he had said, and didn't quite know how to handle it, although she did tell him "we don't say things like that, etc"
Well, if this isn't normal behavior for him and if it doesn't become a habit along with other disturbing behavior, I probably would let it pass.....sometimes kids hear things and try it out to see what happens.....If, on the other hand, this becomes "normal" for him, I would be concerned but not sure what I'd do.
I was just observing...so, no, I did not say or do anything...but my sister and I talked about it afterwards and she was really upset by what he had said, and didn't quite know how to handle it, although she did tell him "we don't say things like that, etc"
It's not normal for a child to talk to his parent that way, and it's not normal for a parent to tolerate that kind of talk.
Probably it's because she doesn't know how to handle things like that, was really upset, he's learned he can control and upset her, it amuses him in some way and this is the kind of relationship they've built up. He's getting the upper hand, she's allowing him to have it.
I don't think the child is necessarily a sociopath in the making. Children of that age experiment with all sorts of shocking language, especially when their impulses are thwarted. I think the important thing is that parents not overreact. It sounds to me like his mother did the right thing by calmly stating that the statement was unacceptable. Good for her for keeping her head in a heated situation. He was obviously intent on pushing her buttons!
I don't think being a passive parent is the right approach. What happens when the child decides it was such a cute thing to say that he says it to the teacher at school, or the mother of one of his friends?
The child may be experimenting, or may be manipulating his mother, knowing already she becomes upset but will not do anything, doesn't know where to do.
Children test their limits -- and there should be limits set by the parents on what is acceptable and what is not.
My brother was once a customer-service representative for a bank. One of his favorite sayings when a person lost control was "Sir, at this moment I am the only person who can solve your problem, and I am rapidly losing interest in doing so." It never failed to stop the ranting customer in his tracks.
When it comes to children, I'm not saying that the parent should ignore offensive language, but sometimes the best response is simply to tell the child firmly that his behavior is unacceptable and that until he can speak respectfully, you will have nothing to do with him. It works wonders with my kids. While I've never heard "I'd like to cut you to pieces," my elementary-aged son definitely pushes my buttons on occasion. I simply walk away and tell him that when he regains his composure, I'll be happy to have him re-join me. My husband and I do the same thing with our pre-adolescent daughter when she throws a tantrum at dinner time (usually because she's tired, hungry, and not thrilled about what's being served). We excuse her from the table, telling her that she is welcome to have a fit in her room, but that she may not ruin the meal for the rest of us. Most of the time, it takes about five minutes before she decides to come back to the table. No raised voices or lecture required.
I once had a boss many years ago who would get angry when deadlines loomed. One day, he threw a chair across the room in frustration. I quietly got up, gathered my things, and headed for the door. He snarled, "Where are you going?" I told him that if I'd wanted to work with toddlers, I'd have been a preschool teacher. Then, I told him that I'd be happy to come back when he got himself under control. All he had to do was call. About two hours later, my phone rang. He apologized sincerely and asked me to come back. I immediately got in the car and headed for the office. He never lost his temper in my presence again.
The most natural consequence for asocial behavior is loss of companionship, and it generally works much better than yelling or lecturing.
kid was pushing buttons big time ... I have a cure but lots of todays parents would /will be just upset and horrified
remember this? :: holds up a bar of Sweetheart soap :: was more than a beauty bar back in the day .. I used this for its amazeing curetive powers of "dirty words".. hateful words and lies ... the old style of instruction is this ; hold kid firmly by shoulder and say open mouth lick soap OR scrape it on thier teeth .. send kid to corner and ingore them for 30 minute .. nope no drink no wipeing it off teeth .. trust me works wonders with kids .. one treatment usually is all it takes .. oh and they learn to curb thier over the top behaviour
to those who say child abuse bull pucky .. kids are outta control and as parents we are supposed to be the decieder untill they are able to control them selves .. and thier mouth ...
Interesting thought, but I think selective banishment is the better solution, and it has the added benefit of being unlikely to make them throw up or cause death from pulmonary aspiration (rare, but not unknown).
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
