Materialism in Junior High/Middle School UGH! (daughter, high school, city)
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The kids don't care whether you use 40% coupons or watch for sales or not - all they know is that they want something and you find a way to get it for them.
As kids get older, their wants get more expensive. Most parents don't realize this until it's too late.
I think the trick is to not give in to their wants early-on.
At this point, OP, I think you'll just have to use that two-letter word: "No." And prepare yourself for tantrums and backlash.
No for the sake of saying no?
When my kids are that age, they will not be getting everything they want. But they'll get some. Heck, I get some stuff that I want.
I won't make my kids dress in clothes that are cheap or out of fashion to prove a point. That's mean and silly.
Ok, she is in middle school, time to stop shopping at Justice. That line is for elementary aged kids-even though they have clothes that fit her-most of the middle school kids will see that as clothes for "babies". Try shopping at Aeropostile. Their clothes are stylish without being expensive. Get her something she wants, like the Ugg boots for a Christmas present. You don't need to buy her entire wardrobe from the trendy stores but a t-shirt or two goes a long way in how they feel about themselves.
Keep in mind, middle school is ALL about fitting in and you can be as high minded as you want about your child being an "individual" and all that jazz but to THEM it is important to be like their friends and if you have to spend an extra $20 on a tee shirt once in a while, so what.
This is not to say you have to cave in and buy them everything they want, you still need to talk about budgets, being a responsible shopper, etc. but even the trendy stores have sales. If she wants a shirt from Jucy whatever store, give her the option-you will give her $20 to shop there and if she finds something she likes for that price, great, if not, she needs to pay the difference, easy.
Really? I thought Justice was for girls 10-13? Yikes.
For Christmas, I got her a couple of things from Aeropostale. Maybe I'll take here there and let her get a few more things. I know they have pretty decent prices and they're always having sales.
You're right, too, that a few pieces go a long way. She's going to have to learn to do the old "mix and match" and find a style that works for her.
I know a few others have expressed similar opinions, but I can't resist saying amen to your post!
It's not "giving in" to purchase some items for your daughter that she really wants. If it is out of your budget, then you can't do it, but if within budget, why not? Especially if a gift. Giving trendy gifts and teaching values are not mutually exclusive.
My GD knows that we don't have the ability to get some of the things that her friends have. I also point out that the luxury cars that take her friends to school probably have monthly car payments, while we own our more modest car free and clear. But when she wanted a Vera Bradley backpack for Christmas a couple of years ago, I found the one that she wanted. Yes, it is now in her closet, replaced by this year's "must have" bag at her school- a Kathy Van Zeeland. But she loved getting it- the look on her face when she opened it on Christmas morning was worth the price to me.
And I have found a thrift shop where every couple of months will turn up Abercrombie and other labels that she likes for less than a Wall Mart t-shirt. I didn't realize that Aeropostale was so reasonable. I haven't been to a mall in ages and never shop in trendy stores.
As for Uggs- if you live in an area cold enough to need boots, I can see spending a little extra to get them or else giving her a budget of X for boots and she can supplement with her money if she wants. That is what I do with my son and sneakers. I will go up to $50 and if he wants more expensive ones, he can save up and pay the difference.
The desire to fit in is so strong with teens. How lucky we are that our battles with fitting in are about clothing and not drugs and tobacco.
Quote:
Originally Posted by golfgal
Ok, she is in middle school, time to stop shopping at Justice. That line is for elementary aged kids-even though they have clothes that fit her-most of the middle school kids will see that as clothes for "babies". Try shopping at Aeropostile. Their clothes are stylish without being expensive. Get her something she wants, like the Ugg boots for a Christmas present. You don't need to buy her entire wardrobe from the trendy stores but a t-shirt or two goes a long way in how they feel about themselves.
Keep in mind, middle school is ALL about fitting in and you can be as high minded as you want about your child being an "individual" and all that jazz but to THEM it is important to be like their friends and if you have to spend an extra $20 on a tee shirt once in a while, so what.
This is not to say you have to cave in and buy them everything they want, you still need to talk about budgets, being a responsible shopper, etc. but even the trendy stores have sales. If she wants a shirt from Jucy whatever store, give her the option-you will give her $20 to shop there and if she finds something she likes for that price, great, if not, she needs to pay the difference, easy.
Another thing to keep in mind is that the more of an issue YOU make out of not buying her the trendy clothing she wants (with in reason of course) the more of an issue SHE will make out of it--just like anything else.
We really don't have any issues with the kids wanted to buy from certain stores. They know I won't spend $40 on a t-shirt but they can usually find things on sale at the stores they want for a reasonable price. DS14 does NEED to get jeans from a certain store because they are the ONLY ones I can find that fit him. He has long legs and is skinny--when he grows again even these won't fit--but for now that is what we buy.
My dd is 11 also. We used to live in a poor area where the kids really bought all of their clothes for Wal-Mart because that was the only store within at lest 80 miles. Now it seam we live in an area were everything is brand name. Just because we can afford to dress my daughter like that I refuse to. She is still growing too fast, still plays outside at school and gets grass stains, when she cleans her room she wants to put all of her clothes in the laundry even if they are clean, and loses things. We shop the clearance racks at her favorite stores. We get her jeans from Aeropostal when the are Buy 1 Get 1 free. That makes it 20- 25 for 1 pair of jeans, same as Target, so why not get the ones she wants. The purse would be a birthday gift. I would start looking months in advance for a good deal on one. I would aslo have my mom and sister looking for a good deal. As my daughter is starting to wear more brand name (from a clearace rack) she is also re-saling her clothes as she out grows them and she can spend that money however she wants. This is helping her to learn to take better care of her things so she can get a better price.
that's why I loved our kids last middle school,
they had a school dress code of either white navy or dk green shirt (tucked), and khaki pants or skirts, no logo's unless it was the schools hoodie, (that didn't have to be tucked)
everybody fit in.
the best thing is to teach her the value of a dollar, it will last her a lifetime, well after the uggs are gone. People with money understand the value of a dollar, thats why they have it.
one of my favorite quotes is this, from Warren Buffet "you never know who's naked until the tide goes out" Just because they have these items doesn't mean they can afford them
parents must teach their children we must not buy ourself into social acceptance...nothing stopping from people from refusing to like us after we purchase these goods....kids must accept kids for who they are...not the clothes they wear....
parents must teach their children we must not buy ourself into social acceptance...nothing stopping from people from refusing to like us after we purchase these goods....kids must accept kids for who they are...not the clothes they wear....
It's not who you are; it's the clothes you wear. Because, in the long run, nobody cares who you are anyway.
Funny this thread is being revived after all this time and the subject is still Ugg Boots still.
Over in Beauty and Fashion there is a thread about North Face jackets. somebody criticized anybody who wears North Face cause "it's sooooo 2005" I laughed out loud. Obviously she was one of those who tied her entire identity around labels and being in style. It seems to start in middle school.
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