Ok so my kids found dirty pictures I sent my husband to his phone... (deviant, 16 year old)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I think I have made my feelings on the matter pretty clear now. What I did was not wrong. The kids have been told a thousand times to leave our stuff alone. We spice things up by texting and sending pictures. there aint a dang thing wrong with that and I am not going to stop something we enjoy so much because my kids wont listen. Maybe they wont mess with my stuff again.
The only thing you can really do is turn this into a learning example for them. Don't try to defend your actions to them, unless you don't mind if they send similar pics to their boyfriends when they are in "serious" relationships...
I would sit them down, tell them that sometimes adults make mistakes and sometimes adults don't use good judgement or understand technology very well (don't elaborate on why you took the pics, teenagers will know why). Let them know that you never intended for those pics to be seen by anyone other than your husband. But, the fact is they were seen - by them. Let them know how deeply embarrassed you are and apologize for upsetting them. Promise them that you have learned from this experience and hope that they can learn from this experience, too.
Good luck.
I agree that she shouldn't try to defend her actions. She doesn't need to defend anything because she didn't do anything wrong. Her judgement was fine. There is nothing immoral about sending racy pictures of yourself to a significant other when you are an adult. When her daughters are ADULTS (not 14 and 16) they can send racy pictures of themselves to their significant other. It is inappropriate for them to do so now because they are children. The OP is an adult.
There are lots of things that I am allowed to do that are inappropriate when a child does them. I drive. I drink liquor. I have sex with my husband. I can send naked pictures of myself to other adults. I can smoke. I can gamble at a legal casino/racetrack. None of these activities is illegal, however they are all restricted by age.
I think the OP should just tell the kids that her sex life with her husband is not their business and leave it at that. There is no need for her to discuss anything except why her kids were messing with stuff that is not their business.
I agree that she shouldn't try to defend her actions. She doesn't need to defend anything because she didn't do anything wrong. Her judgement was fine. There is nothing immoral about sending racy pictures of yourself to a significant other when you are an adult. When her daughters are ADULTS (not 14 and 16) they can send racy pictures of themselves to their significant other. It is inappropriate for them to do so now because they are children. The OP is an adult.
There are lots of things that I am allowed to do that are inappropriate when a child does them. I drive. I drink liquor. I have sex with my husband. I can send naked pictures of myself to other adults. I can smoke. I can gamble at a legal casino/racetrack. None of these activities is illegal, however they are all restricted by age.
I think the OP should just tell the kids that her sex life with her husband is not their business and leave it at that. There is no need for her to discuss anything except why her kids were messing with stuff that is not their business.
I would have but she had locked herself in a closet. Her dad (my ex-husband) talked to her about that too. You see, I called him and told him the situation before they did so they wouldn't completey twist everything to make it out like I am posing for penthouse lol He was very supportive which really suprises me and he did talk to the girls about what they did and how the eldest talked to me. I plan to do the same.
I'm going to approach this from a different stand point...from the kids.
Kids snoop just as much as adults do, some do it occasionally while others do it frequently. (especially around gift giving times!)
At the same time teens are thinking about the opposite sex probably quite often. Everything they see/hear can have an effect on their outlook of all future relationships. They might hear 'sounds' coming out of the master bedroom, witness certain 'looks' being exchanged, hear parts of conversations meant for private ears or watch affectionate touches occur. They might even see clothing meant for intimacy moments, personal effects used behind closed doors, books/magazines/videos used for personal enjoyment or perhaps a glimpse by accident.
None of that compares to the actual viewing of things not meant for their eyes from their parents. To a teen, thinking their parents might/probably have sex (but of course only on rare occasion and while the kids are not home) is eww. Visual confirmation is something altogether different. It can bring on all sorts of ideas depending on how the teen has perceived intimacy in relationships up til this point.
For instance, if the teen who doesn't think their parents have sex walks in on them in a state of undress for the first time, they are likely to think it's a one time rare thing. If they find a toy in the night stand, they are likely to think it was a gag gift from someone outside the house. If they come across a sexy nightie they would probably think it was really old or never been worn. Same goes for condoms.
Teens, and many young adults, think of sexual relationships outside their own in the abstract or as having only happened in the past for the adults in their lives. In their minds they tend to rationalize their parents having sex only as many times as there are kids. They certainly don't think, nor want to think, as their parents as sexual beings.
So, when a teen comes across something that blatantly proves their parents are not only sexual creatures but are actively and currently so, then it shatters the image of the parents they have so carefully crafted in their own minds. It no longer matters how they discovered this because it can't be undone. Visual images cannot be erased from the memory.
That's very much like a parent discovering their teen is having sex. It's one thing to have reason to be suspicious they might be and something completely different to walk in on the act. Their perception of their child changes in an instant. They can't forget they saw their child having sex. They can't forget the image burned in their minds. It doesn't matter whether they meant to discover that, only that they did.
Sure, the teens were snooping. We know that. That's why adults work hard to hide Christmas gifts. Or put parental controls on their computers and cell phones. Or hold adult conversations away from the kids.
That's also why most adults use the locks on their bedroom doors and why there is usually a certain amount of care taken in concealing things like condoms, vibrators and sheer lingerie.
In this case, the adults thought they took reasonable precautions in privately communicating through their personal cell phones, yet the idea of the kids snooping on their cell phones didn't seem to occur. (Tiger Woods anyone??)
It happened and cannot be undone. The teens need understanding and reassurance that mom is still mom first and foremost and that should take precedence over mom's private desires at this time. The teens should feel as if they are the priority in mom's life as they were there first and will always be mom's daughters. Dad is no longer mom's husband, so the thought that step dad may not always be mom's husband has to have occurred to them as well.
So, I say you need to work on helping them through this in whatever way they need to come to a new normal before you deal with the privacy issues. Your relationship with them is far more important than fueling your own desires for the time being.
What you (DUMB) people don't understand is the fact that as a parent, the OP has lost all respect. Girls at that age are looking for role models, and sexting shows a total lack of judgement and morals, I should say. And trust me, they will not forget this easily. If the OP tries to act like a parent, the girls will not have any respect for her and that is what most people are missing here. They think Mom is a "w ****" and that does not go away. I guarantee you, you will see a lot of rebellion in the months to come, especially if they already have a problematic relationship. Kids need role models,not parents that act like kids or should I say, worse than kids.
...snip...Visual images cannot be erased from the memory. ...snip...
As my husband likes to say, what has been seen on the internet cannot be unseen!
Back to a topic I introduced to the discussion a few pages ago...I am very relieved to know that the cell phone in question is privately owned, but for those of you who may currently be sexting (as fully consenting adults, of course), there is a recent story on CNN about a case in Ontario, CA involving company-issued equipment and privacy. In essence, you have none at the moment. So, stop and think before you hit the send button.
I would have but she had locked herself in a closet. Her dad (my ex-husband) talked to her about that too. You see, I called him and told him the situation before they did so they wouldn't completey twist everything to make it out like I am posing for penthouse lol He was very supportive which really suprises me and he did talk to the girls about what they did and how the eldest talked to me. I plan to do the same.
Good for DAD!!!! I'm happy to see that he has supported you in this. I hope he read them the riot act.
You know, in the case of divorced parents, it helps to keep the kids in line and resectful towards them (especially mom) when both join forces to form a united front. That's a force for them to reckoned with.
What you (DUMB) people don't understand is the fact that as a parent, the OP has lost all respect. Girls at that age are looking for role models, and sexting shows a total lack of judgement and morals, I should say. And trust me, they will not forget this easily. If the OP tries to act like a parent, the girls will not have any respect for her and that is what most people are missing here. They think Mom is a "w ****" and that does not go away. I guarantee you, you will see a lot of rebellion in the months to come, especially if they already have a problematic relationship. Kids need role models,not parents that act like kids or should I say, worse than kids.
Oh for crissake, cut the drama. Of course the kids are shocked. Big deal. They'll be laughing about it in a few years. They'll see/understand that it's ok between a man and wife, not mom and some dude she's currently bagging. Get a grip and look at the total picture. It's a blip on the radar, not a plane crash.
What the kids will take from this: Keep their noses out of their parent's private business.
Shut their mouths and quit calling mom names.
Married couples like to be and should be playful.
Not to play that kind of game with just anybody.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
