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If the daughter won't talk to the mom or dad, how about one of her sisters? I'm not suggesting that the sister try to convince her to move home or be a mediator at all. Just talk to her and find out why she is doing this and try to open the lines of communication.
Yes, you are correct. She has made an adult choice, and she is an adult by law, but emotionally she is not an adult. An adult would consider all of the variables before a life decision was made. I just dont think much thought went in to it at all, and this was all on impulse. Believe me, if I could I was go and beg her with all I got to come back home. I have no problem with that, but I just dont think she has been out long enough to see the down side of it and she would turn me down cold. She KNOWS beyond a shadow of a doubt the door is always open. I worry that her stubborness may find her in a situation she may not want to be in, because she wants to show she can do this...
Unfortunately, she is one of those people that need to smell crap, and eat crap to know it IS crap. I cant just tell her how hard it is... she is HAS to experience the downside of all of it before she will believe it. So for now, she may be playing house with her boyfriend... but what comes after that in the real world. Relationships can be tough, and being broke will make it tougher,
Before I get much further, and without insult to your concern, she must then smell crap, eat crap and become familiar with crap in order to emotionally reach that adulthood.
I know it's difficult to see a child struggle, make bad choices...hang in there.
I left home at 16 and wound up supporting the 21 year old I was living with. That meant trying to find work as a waitress, since I was already out of school with only basic clerking skills. There was much crap to be realised...I was playing house, too...for about the first 2 weeks. Then real life appeared to me and I had to make a decision. Even though the pairing eventually failed, it was the most valuable learning experience. But I managed for over a year to keep myself employed, housed and fed. My parents graciously allowed me to return when I was 18 and after this relationship with the cute deadbeat had ended.
My concern here - and I don't know if anyone else has mentioned it yet - is that these folks who are relying on the son's money (why is he on unemployment?) might soon be relying on the OP's daughter for support, too...and she'll be stuck with a man/boy who can't leave home.
My concern here - and I don't know if anyone else has mentioned it yet - is that these folks who are relying on the son's money (why is he on unemployment?) might soon be relying on the OP's daughter for support, too...and she'll be stuck with a man/boy who can't leave home.
This has been my thinking all along. They probably see your daughter as another source of income. So if she doesn't produce, she may be home sooner than later.
By the way, let this be the last time you keep the door open under these type of circumstances, otherwise this will be the first in a string of "storming out and leaving home." Keeping a revolving will only handicap her.
As a Paternal nagging figure again. Your daughter, at 18, left home, after an argument with her Father. If you bow down to this type of behaviour, let her control your emotions and actions, physical well-being, with her doing something like this, then, you are lowering yourself to her immature level. This action of hers is very immature, it's kindegarten, "I don't get my way, so, I'm going to play somewhere else where I can!" and storms off. It's difficult to let the birds fly out of the nest, stretch their wings, but that is what we as parents must do, for we won't be around forever, it's our job to give them the tools, the strength, the education, and sometimes, the experiences to make it own their own.
What I see here is insecurity in yourself. You don't trust your parenting skills enough that you have taught her well enough to be own her own. You feel that you have shortchanged her and you need more time to complete the job, you are not finished training her yet, therefore you are afraid you have failed, and ergo, she will. What you have to do, is trust yourself as a Mother & Father, that you did the best you could, and if you didn't, she'll come back for more lessons, (with her tail between her legs) Just remember, that pride and hard headedness, wasn't born into her, that was trained, she learned that from ya'll, so she has been listening and learning, otherwise she wouldn't be strong enough to argue with her father. (Think about that)
I lost my Father at 12, and my Mother at 16, so I didn't have a lot of years of input, so if she still has both parents at 18, she's lucky, she will come back and be thankful.
The old poem,
"If you love something (someone) set if free,
if it (they) come back,
They are yours and in love with you too,
If they don't, They never were,"
Let her go (grow). Share this time with your husband, don't blame him for running her off. Let him know that you are concerned, but you back his rules in the house, she was wrong, and made an immature decision. Before she comes back in ya'lls house, she will apologize, and if she wants to live in ya'lls house she will abide by ya'lls rules. Not his, but both of yours. Don't let her seperate you. Help her grow up, she needs both of you now to show her that this kind of behaviour is not acceptable. She's throwing a tantrum, treat it like that. You will be glad you did. Be patient.
As a Paternal nagging figure again. Your daughter, at 18, left home, after an argument with her Father. If you bow down to this type of behaviour, let her control your emotions and actions, physical well-being, with her doing something like this, then, you are lowering yourself to her immature level. This action of hers is very immature, it's kindegarten, "I don't get my way, so, I'm going to play somewhere else where I can!" and storms off. It's difficult to let the birds fly out of the nest, stretch their wings, but that is what we as parents must do, for we won't be around forever, it's our job to give them the tools, the strength, the education, and sometimes, the experiences to make it own their own.
What I see here is insecurity in yourself. You don't trust your parenting skills enough that you have taught her well enough to be own her own. You feel that you have shortchanged her and you need more time to complete the job, you are not finished training her yet, therefore you are afraid you have failed, and ergo, she will. What you have to do, is trust yourself as a Mother & Father, that you did the best you could, and if you didn't, she'll come back for more lessons, (with her tail between her legs) Just remember, that pride and hard headedness, wasn't born into her, that was trained, she learned that from ya'll, so she has been listening and learning, otherwise she wouldn't be strong enough to argue with her father. (Think about that)
I lost my Father at 12, and my Mother at 16, so I didn't have a lot of years of input, so if she still has both parents at 18, she's lucky, she will come back and be thankful.
The old poem,
"If you love something (someone) set if free,
if it (they) come back,
They are yours and in love with you too,
If they don't, They never were,"
Let her go (grow). Share this time with your husband, don't blame him for running her off. Let him know that you are concerned, but you back his rules in the house, she was wrong, and made an immature decision. Before she comes back in ya'lls house, she will apologize, and if she wants to live in ya'lls house she will abide by ya'lls rules. Not his, but both of yours. Don't let her seperate you. Help her grow up, she needs both of you now to show her that this kind of behaviour is not acceptable. She's throwing a tantrum, treat it like that. You will be glad you did. Be patient.
I had two daughters that left because they did not go along with very basic home rules, nothing major really. However, we raised them to be very independent. When they did not want to live with those rules, they left. The oldest left home when she was 18 when we had Army orders to come back to the states. She decided to stay in Germany. She held that against us for a long time. I believe about 15 years until she finally admitted she understood why decided as she did. She had a very tough time the first few years on her own but that strengthened her. She now tell other young people to think twice before leaving home.
The second one actually was living with us till she was 22 and right after college she wanted to push issues and we stayed with our home rules. She decided to move out and was cold with us for about a couple of years but she also came back and is in good terms with us also. It was not that they did not talk to us at all. We simply felt they were somewhat cold and distant but still kept in touch with us.
They both simply had to learn how it is to live life on your own. They both now understand what is it to be supporting yourself so they starting to talk to us after that realization.
You just have to make their own decisions once they become adults and never tried to impose on them as adults. They wanted to leave? We wished them the best and told them we were here for when they need us. They know that now and are happy to have us around.
I do have a 20 year old son who has graduated and is still at home and a 16 year old son we have homeschooled the last 2 years who will be graduating early (1 semester left) but not walking in a ceremony because he chose not to.
Key word here is "graduating"
OP daughter has chosen to stop school.
Key word here is "graduating"
OP daughter has chosen to stop school.
And if she stays at home, they can't force that to happen either. If they give in to this kind of blackmail at this time, she definitely won't graduate, she will quit school, because she will feel smarter than her parents already. Whether she lives with her boyfriends family, or with her own parents, nobody can force her to go to school and graduate. She has to want to do it own her own. Let her fall down, turn your head, cry if you must, but wait for her to ask for help, if you don't, you will regret it for the rest of her life. Everytime she wants something, she throws a fit, not works for it, emotional blackmail.
Take care of yourself. You can only change things that you can control. Things that are beyond your control can only drive you crazy, and break your heart.
I think often if you look back there was alot of warning. I would basically be grateful that she isn't one of the thousands that leave to unknown parts.Many coites streets are full of young people who run to what they think is paradise.I had many friend when i was young who jpoined the serrvice and then went to vietnam the next his poarents knew. We all have to growup some time ;some way.
You know where she is, you are probably confident she has food and shelter and is relatively safe right now, no?
I'm not sure why you couldn't comb your hair for two days when your adult aged daughter moved out of the house even when you know where she is. I'm sorry but that sounds like a whole lot of drama to me. Is that typical in your mother/daughter relationship?
Haha! I agree. It is pretty typical especially in today's generation. Let her go, love her but then let her come back to you after she realizes how fortunate she is to have such loving and caring parents.
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