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"to work outside or not"
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This is not intended to be a rude thread in any way. I have never wanted children, and don't have any, and won't, but would like to ask parents or parents-to-be, why did you want them? Was it so there would be a combination of you and your husband/bf/gf/whatever? So you could teach someone everything you know? Someone to give unconditional love to? Was it just that it was what everyone else was doing, what was expected of you by society? Sorry if this question has already been asked.
I've known that I wanted children since I was a child myself, so societial pressure was certainly not an issue for me! I used to spend hours drawing pictures of my future children and coming up with names for them all, none of which I actually used, however.
Why would people want children? I'm sure it's different for everyone. Having kids is like having an extension of yourself and wearing your heart on the outside of your body instead of inside. At least for me, it isn't so that I can receive unconditional love so much as give it. The love you feel for your children can't be measured and is infinite-- unlike anything else you've ever imagined.
Why do people choose to get married or share their lives with someone else? It's to enhance their lives and make them better. That is why I have children and I would imagine that most other people can say the same.
Since I was very young I had no interest in babies and small children, but fate handed me a child and we took on the task with a lot of trepidition. It was scary and a lot of work, but very rewarding. So, we had 2 more!!
I had children because it felt natural, it felt right. I too, like an above poster said, dreamt of having children of my own since I was very young. I also thought of names that I would call them. Some people I believe just have that paternal instinct and so it is only natural to want to have a child to nurture. Not everyone has that instinct. I suppose that if you do not have that paternal instinct and you still have a child, you can learn to still love and care for the child, but all to often people don't. Watching the news and hearing stories, it seems that there are to many people having children who shouldn't have.
If you have no desire to have children and the thought of having them does not feel natural, then it is probably for the best that you don't. It doesn't mean that you are less of a person if you are not a parent or don't wish to become one. Like I said, not everyone has that instinct.
I had a happy childhood and it seemed like the natural thing to do. I have to say, I don't think I spent tons of time debating it.....my first child entered the scene a bit earlier than planned but I did find that I enjoyed parenting much more than I expected to.....We have two, sometimes I wish we could have had more but reality and finances said otherwise for us.
why did you want them? Was it so there would be a combination of you and your husband/bf/gf/whatever? So you could teach someone everything you know? Someone to give unconditional love to? Was it just that it was what everyone else was doing, what was expected of you by society? Sorry if this question has already been asked.
It was something my husband & I wanted to add to our meaning of family. It was just a natural progession in our marriage.
The only thing I do wish is that we had more time to travel together prior to children. I was able to do quite a bit of world travel prior to children & when single. I wish I could have done some of that with my husband. Now, priorities & income are on the opposite side of the spectrum.
Frankly, I think it was primarily because my husband wanted a child. Turns out though, I was absolutely crazy about our son even though I was someone who might not have seen myself as that "maternal" to begin with. I don't know how to put it except that raising him satisfied longings in myself I didn't even realize I had.
Trying to reflect on why it is so satisfying and I'm hard pressed to answer. Just that knowing the love of a child is a life experience that nothing else could match. At least it was for me.
Last edited by kaykay; 04-08-2009 at 09:21 AM..
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I used to spend hours drawing pictures of my future children and coming up with names for them all, none of which I actually used, however.
I don't know how to put it except that raising him satisfied longings in myself I didn't even realize I had.
Just that knowing the love of a child is a life experience that nothing else could match. At least it was for me.
