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Just wondering if everyone has a set amount you spend on your kids for their birthdays, Christmas or other holidays? If so, how much per child? And does it depend on their age?
We have a two year old and another on the way. My dh and I tend to be pretty minimalistic, preferring time as a family and experiences, to more stuff. But, my two stepchildren (12 and 13) have just moved in with us, and are very focused on material things. We're just trying to figure out what is reasonable for kids their age.
Also, do your kids have cell phones, ipods, digital cameras, computers and things like that?
Do you pay allowances? Based on what?
What type of chores do you expect from your pre-teens and teens?
Thanks in advance for your insights. Going from a small young family to a larger family with a teen and almost teen is challenging all of us!
Well, my oldest is only 9 so we are not quite on the same page. But, one thought that is pretty basic is that these kids are undoubtedly going through a very rough time right now what with a family break up, a move and all the strife that inevitably goes with a divorce/step family situation - even under the best circumstances. So you might be a little more flexible than you normally would. Maybe starting by looking at what they are use to and starting to gradually lessen the dependancy on material things. Perhaps as these kids are weaned into your less materialistic family and begin to appreciate their involvement and inclusion and importance in their new family they will resent the decline in the monetary stuff. So a gradual decrease coupled with lots of love/attention & understanding would be my recommendation. BTW, our family is not very materialistic either - we prefer to spend the $ on family trips, excursions, etc. DH routinely selects time-off to be with family over bonus$, etc. Good luck - you are in a tough situation.
My kids are ages 12, 11, and 4. We try to limit the amount of money to under 50 dollars. That is usually enough to buy a video game or several small items. The youngest child we usually spend under 30 as he already has his older brothers toys to play with so he gets something small.
If you listen to my oldest kids they are the most deprived children on the planet. No cell phones, cameras, computer is the households not theirs. We did get our oldest an ipod shuffle. Middle son will get his on his birthday (to cut down on fighting over it).
I don't pay allowances as they don't help around the house. Tried it for awhile but they never followed through on the chores I set for them, so no money for them. I know, before I get flamed, gotta work on the whole chore thing.
My kids are now 18 and 15 so a bit older. I think you are wise to consider what is "normal/reasonable" for this age rather than making quick decisions then backpeddling. There are many many things I said/believed as the parent of a 2 year old that changed over the years (ie my son would never: play football; own a playstation type game; be allowed to play in a home where guns etc etc etc - all out the window!). Sounds like these kids are already making a big change and they won't want to feel hugely different from their peers at this point in addition to everything else. 12 & 13 are ages when most kids around here have (or are getting) ipods and cell phones. If they already have those things, I certainly wouldn't take them from them just because...OTOH, if they don't already have those things, then, if it comes up you can say "we'll see" until you figure out if this is the norm in your area. Cell phones are good and bad - it is nice to always have contact but they also allow for communication you aren't aware of not to mention, they may not always be where they say they are. Are they generally good kids or are there "issues"? I would take all of this into consideration. iPods... most of the older kids have them. It wasn't a huge deal to my kids until they were in HS. They both have closer to the bottom of the line ipods. Neither had cameras at that age and DD got a computer when she went off to college. There is a family computer available for them to use but I am wary of personal computers for kids.....
Regarding chores - that really depends on your household. My kids were expected to get themselves up in the morning and pack their own lunches starting in jr. high. They took turns cleaning their bathroom and were expected to keep their rooms reasonably clean. They can help with laundry and other household chores (unloading dishwasher, cleaning up after the dog in the backyard etc) on an as-needed basis. I was always pretty flexible if the situation allowed. Homework comes first so if they had a lot of homework that particular day, I might do the dishwasher....
Just wondering if everyone has a set amount you spend on your kids for their birthdays, Christmas or other holidays? If so, how much per child? And does it depend on their age?
We have a two year old and another on the way. My dh and I tend to be pretty minimalistic, preferring time as a family and experiences, to more stuff. But, my two stepchildren (12 and 13) have just moved in with us, and are very focused on material things. We're just trying to figure out what is reasonable for kids their age.
Also, do your kids have cell phones, ipods, digital cameras, computers and things like that?
Do you pay allowances? Based on what?
What type of chores do you expect from your pre-teens and teens?
Thanks in advance for your insights. Going from a small young family to a larger family with a teen and almost teen is challenging all of us!
We don't have set amounts. We do have a general amount. Our oldest (DS)'s gifts are usually more expensive. This year Santa got him a 400.00 guitar but for his birthday he got 20.00ish worth of band t-shirts. Son is 15. My momma got him a cell phone when he was 12. He is responsible for any charges over the 10.00 plan charge.... he has never gone over his minutes and pays for his own ringtones (he's gotten 4 or 5 I think). He had a freebie mp3 until it broke. He bought a new one with his money. Son earns money by babysitting the younger kids.
The younger ones are 8 & 10. Little man (DSS) has a PS2. Little girl (DSD) has a game cube. Santa brought the family a Wii for Chirstmas.
We buy according to intrests. Those pokemon/bakugan/lego toys are less expensive than MP3s or (lord help me) concert tickets. Little girl is a clothes horse. She gets Limited 2 for Christmas (thank the lord for buy one get one free sales). she would much rather have a pair of jeans over a video game. We balance the number of gifts, not necessarly the amount spent. That said, we do keep them within reason.
In my area, it is common for a child of 15 to have a cell and mp3 (or ipod). Cameras are more common in girls. computers.... some have their own some do not.... some don't even have access outside of school. In my home there is one computer.
As for chores.... yes. All kids are responsible for their own rooms & bathrooms. They are required to get their clothes to the laundry. There aren't "set" chores after that in our home, but when I call someone to empty the dishwasher, they usually do it with little backtalk. They are all expected to help carry & put away groceries. Son prepared dinner one or so times a week.
Allowances... that is something that we haven't instituted in our home. I believe that to get paid for everyday maintenace in a home you live in is not sending the right message. When a child comes to us wanting to make money, we give jobs like raking leaves or scrubbing baseboards or whatever needs to be done. We pay relative to the work done (and what item is wanted.... if any of the kids wanted a new book, I'm more giving in the payment department.... if they wanted a videogame, eh... not so generous).
I now that blending a family is hard.... so very hard. What are the attitudes of the children? Does your DH back you? Have they been exposed to structure?
PM me and I'll give you my email. I know the drama involved in being the primary household for another woman's kids. Sometimes it helps just to vent.
I have a 12 yr old & 15 yr old & 7 yr old (she turns 8 tomorrow).
Chores expected from them are things like: feeding the dog, taking the dog out, unloading the dishwasher, putting away their own laundry, fixing some of their own meals. I keep it simple, usually only 1 - 2 chores per day. The youngest is only 7, so usually her only chore is cleaning up her toys. The older 2 kids definitely have more responsibility.
I do not give allowances. If they ask for money for an event with friends, I usually give them $5 - $10. But they are still young so they don't go to many social events yet. Usually they are just going back & forth to friends' houses.
My 12 yr old & 15 yr old have cell phones, although I think 12 is a little young for one. In retrospect I would probably wait until around age 14 considering all of the times they have damaged/lost phones. Right now my 12 yr old is using one of my old phones b/c she left hers in Michigan of all places (we are in NC) and I'm in no rush to get a new one. They are responsible for not going over the minutes of our family plan (I monitor it online just to make sure). We have to share 750 minutes/month. I just added unlimited text messages a few months ago, but before that I had messaging blocked.
I usually spend around $100 per child for birthdays and Christmas.
My kids are still young but I just wanted to say that allowances are not supposed to be payment for chores. Allowance is a way to teach children how to manage money. Delay gratification by saving money, etc...
Beware of cell phone usage. I just watched Dr. Phil recently an a 12 yo was sending pictures of herself naked or almost naked (I can't remember). Also there is a new term called sexting which mean kids send sex related messages to each other.
Good luck.
I have a junior in high school and 2 8th graders (twins). They have cell phones and we have a couple video game systems (Wii and XBox). the Wii was a Christmas gift last year to the kids and DS16 bought the Xbox with his own money with the understanding that I don't have to ever hear him complain about his siblings playing the games.
They all do things around the house, more in the summer then during school. In the summer they pretty much do all of the house cleaning and laundry. They don't earn an allowance but can earn extra money buy doing larger chores around the house, like scrubbing the kitchen floor (because I HATE that job ).
As for a dollar amount, we don't really set a limit as to what we spend. The kids generally get the 'big' thing on their list-within reason--and a few smaller things. This year for Christmas we got a large screen TV for everyone and the kids got a few small things (PJ's for DD and some video games for the boys). We don't buy them much other then birthday and Christmas either.
My kids are still young but I just wanted to say that allowances are not supposed to be payment for chores. Allowance is a way to teach children how to manage money. Delay gratification by saving money, etc...
Hmmm... I guess you should have told my parent's that then, since I didn't get allowance unless my chores for the week were done.
Allowance in my home is based off the chores that are done, compared to the chores that were set.
So yes, it is a reward for working hard and doing what you are told.
I completely disagree with you.
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