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Status:
"Smartened up and walked away!"
(set 21 days ago)
11,770 posts, read 5,781,921 times
Reputation: 14187
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TamaraSavannah
Well, in all honesty.....how do you know what they are thinking? It's like me, if others knew, watching a VS fashion video each morning to get my morning cheerleader charge. "Why, she must be a lesbian!"....and what I see is entirely different.
So while defending your daughter is natural......make sure you are defending for the right cause.
You're right - they could be thinking "I'd never let my daughter go out dressed like that."
You're right - they could be thinking "I'd never let my daughter go out dressed like that."
On this and your post just above it, it wasn’t a case of what she was wearing. She had on jeans that are what I think are sometimes called mom jeans (high waisted, baggy legs) and a long sleeve fitted top that may have been slightly below what a T-shirt neck covers. She did have on mascara, but no other makeup, and she had some long curls in her hair. She is naturally pretty, but really, she wasn’t wearing anything anyone would have a problem with.
I don’t let her wear low-cut tops or crop tops. I also don’t let her wear booty shorts, like the tiny Lululemoms that are pretty popular. I do think having curves hanging out is not a good look and does attract attention, wanted as well as not wanted.
The "boys will be boys" attitude is responsible for this. Men are totally responsible for their behavior, good or bad, Just as all adults are.
You don't want your daughter to dress in a "come on" manner that invites scummy men to leer, or worse, but she should be free to dress like a normal teenager like all the other girls, without fear of being blamed for dirty old men looking at her. In instances of sexual attacks, it's a known fact that the manner of dress of the victim female is inconsequential. The fact is it doesn't matter what a woman wears, if a man decides he wants to look at her, leer, or anything else. Some men even like the "virginal" look of a young woman covered from neck to knees. You can't live your life trying to dress according to what a stranger in a department store thinks.
The most you can do is be sure she is protected and safe due to information and education she gets on how to live a safe life. It's a fact of women's lives that we are targeted throughout our lives by male criminals, particularly young women. But no age is completely safe. And a man of any age can be considered dangerous, under the right conditions. Women, particularly young women, always need to be aware of their surroundings, and who is in the area with them. Who is walking behind them, passing them on the sidewalk, entering a secluded parking garage behind them, hanging outside their apartment building, how to handle comments to her by strange men. She needs to be schooled on who she opens the door for in her own apartment, never to fall for the "I'm the maintenance man" routine, etc. All these scary incidents start with a look by a strange man, whether she notices him looking or not.
On the upside, being attractive is a good thing. TV is full of actresses and newscasters who are attractive. jobs open up for attractive people, and stats show that attractive people get paid more. if she makes good grades and has a goal in life, her good looks can help her, as long as that's not her identity of who she is. Because in the end, that's not what makes for a happy person or happy life. A man's good looks help him get paid more, as well...and he gets stared at, too.
I agree with this and plan to require a self-defense class at some point prior to college.
I do have concerns about her self-worth being caught up in her appearance, and that’s something I try to combat by complimenting her on her efforts/hard work to offset all these other influences that seems to value her for looks.,
It is pretty sick when old guys perv out on very young ladies.
I like a scantily clad babe as much as the next guy, but it is just immoral to perv out on jailbait. I get it. It is not a crime "to look". It is still disgusting. Let kids be kids for goodness sake. Don't be sexualizing the kids -- not even in your fantasies. Fantasies sometimes become obsessions and then actions. It is a dangerous start.
My 30 year old daughter is very pretty (and it's not just dad talking...lol). Since she was 13 she was getting looked at by men... yes, men. As she got older it got more prominent. Yea, it could be worse because we all have to admit life has it's perks for the attractive, but it really gets under my skin. Especially when we are together in a store or out to eat.
I normally give a nasty stare until they notice me and then they avert their eyes. I'm not a big guy, but they can quickly figure out I'm dad, unless they are morons. She always dressed conservatively, she's an athlete and wears sweats and the like more often than not. She has never dressed provocatively, we didn't raise her that way and she has said she hates the attention it gets her friends when they do.
We were at a family wedding for my niece when my daughter caught the groom checking her out with his brother in a very obvious way. I saw it too, and quietly told him I can easily let my niece know what a piece of sh&* he is, he apologized. I wanted to wreck him.
It's one thing to look at a good looking person, it's another to gawk in an extremely uncomfortable way. At times I would love to take it further, but that would put myself and possibly my daughter in harms way. No one has ever said anything to her in front of me, but she does admit when she's alone she has met some vulgar language.
I don't get it, I was never that way as a guy. She does conceal carry, is well trained, and knows it is absolutely the last resort. I always worry about her. I guess from reading this thread that other parents feel the same. I guess there's not much we can do but teach our daughters to be aware and at least try not to draw attention to themselves if they can. I have always felt helpless.
Bull - women hold the cards - I'm a woman and we dressed on the weekends to go dancing in as little as possible to get guys attention. Each year the styles show more and more - no wonder men are looking. You don't want to be looked at - don't draw attention to yourself - simple as that.
While what you say may be true it's not the rule. You have to admit there are jerks and perverts too. If you don't then you're either a fool or a liar.
You're right - they could be thinking "I'd never let my daughter go out dressed like that."
It is possible.
I teach young adults. I see their youth, energy, just stepping out on to the world, of I can inspire them, put my Prince Vultan/Francis 7 energy into them. But I also wonder about them experiencing a changed world, bad and good, from when I was that age.
Of course, with what I know, have experienced, I don't envy them (unlike what Picard said to What'shisface in "Final Mission").
But as said, others may be looking at them, checking them out, and it may not be about sex.
My older daughter was more like me, in that she would try to shrink and make herself less noticeable, but my younger daughter… whoa, Nelly. I remember one incident where some middle age man kept leering at her to the point where she was uncomfortable: she marched right up to his table and loudly called him out for drooling over a (then) 13-year-old girl. Embarrassed the hell out of him. To this day I am in awe over how bold and confident she was from such a young age.
Your 13 year old is confident and unafraid. I love it. My princess, while unafraid herself, wouldn't have it in her to go that far. Sometimes I wish she did, but then I would be worried if the jerk took it to the next level.
Nope. We need to teach boys it’s up to them to control themselves. Women are not responsible for making men behave. Telling young women it is sends the message that anything bad that a man does to her is somehow her fault. Blaming the victim mentality is toxic.
Good luck with that totally naive approach, hasn't worked. You can't teach testosterone laden boys to not look at half dressed attractive females.
Good reply. If OP said she's 13, maybe the men will stop looking so hard
One of my classmates from school regularly posts barely dressed young women on his Facebook profile. It grosses me out because they are old enough to be his granddaughter or maybe even great granddaughter. He's in his 60's.
He's going through a phase. It'll probably last the rest of his life. Hopefully, all he does is collect and post photos.
IDK who all these teenagers are, who are getting drooled over by middle-aged and older men. None of the teen girls in my world when I was that age looked particularly va-VOOM. A few had pretty faces, but most of the pretty-face ones didn't have curves. Is it something in the water, or the food, these days?
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 10-09-2023 at 05:16 PM..
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