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My kids were born in the 90's, and the common phrases for working out conflict was "use your words". If another kid takes a toy, for example, go get it back by saying that's my toy I want it back. If a kid cuts in line to use the slide, you say "I was here first, you can't cut in line".
One of the moms at the park actively encouraged her preschooler to slug other kids who wronged them. We all honestly couldn't believe it. "Did you allow that kid to just cut in front of you??? Go back there, and push him down" That sort of thing.
Just, no.
I don't think there are any kids on the street who are assaulting people who also weren't assaulted at home. Not many men in prison who weren't whipped a lot.
Because unfortunately we still live in a world where our kids will encounter bad people who may try to physically hurt them in their adult years.
Without a few scraps under their belt during their formative years, they will be totally unprepared for what they may encounter later on. There’s a bug difference between a few karate classes growing up and an actual scuffle where another kid is trying to hurt you. Better to have the proper perspective from earlier experiences than to be totally unprepared for physical adversity.
What makes you think every kid is going to encounter bad people who try to physically hurt them? My kids are adults in their 40s and have encounter emotionally abusive adults, but NO physically abusive ones. Aside from that not having had a physical fight does not mean you cannot defend yourself if you need to. And what about being friends with others who can help if necessary?
You said kids should get into a few fist fights growing up.
I took that to mean, that when you're wronged by another kid (as in my examples) you should settle it with your fists.
If you merely meant that if someone assaults you, you should fight back, well, everyone believes that.
Except school administers.
That’s exactly what I meant. I would never encourage attacking anyone. Only in direct self-defense, ie force being used/threatened against you right now, would I advocate fighting.
What makes you think every kid is going to encounter bad people who try to physically hurt them? My kids are adults in their 40s and have encounter emotionally abusive adults, but NO physically abusive ones. Aside from that not having had a physical fight does not mean you cannot defend yourself if you need to. And what about being friends with others who can help if necessary?
Where did those friends learn to fight?
That’s great that your children have never encountered physical violence, but that is not reality for most kids growing up (and even adults occasionally).
You both strain to believe that the world is back or white and that a parent is either authoritarian, which meets with your approval, or authoritative, which doesn't. Authoritative parents, you tell us, are either lazy or stupid. Or perhaps just uninformed.
Almost no parent will be wholly one or the other.
They're styles, and choices. You can determine whether you're going to respond in an authoritarian, authoritative, or permissive manner at literally any point.
That said, if you're horrifically inconsistent in how you parent, that's going to cause its own set of problems.
This isn't accurate at all, per current neonatal and pediatric recommendations, actually!
Rooming in is actually becoming more the rule than the exception, as birthing centers in hospitals do away with nurseries altogether outside of NICU settings. The push to keep infants bedside, in their own safe sleeping space but within parental arms' reach, begins in the hospital, now, and the current recommendation once home is either crib in parent room the first 6 months, or bedside bassinet.
New mothers are taught to interpret feeding cues, and feed on demand, told NOT to set up an artifical structure. Infants need to feed frequently, and can't do a normal adult sleep schedule for a long time. A big reason rooming in is done is to start to prep parents for how they will need to hold, comfort, do skin to skin, feed, etc. in the night, rather than send them home having had night nurses do all that while parents sleep, and set them up for a rude awakening, literally. Breastfeeding mothers can't routinely skip night nursing, anyway, or they won't be breastfeeding long.
I had both my infants in bedside bassinets in my room 100% of the time we were in the neonatal unit. At the time, I was partway through my master's in a related area, and talked with my nurses about how great it was that they were aligning with best practices for human development. They said they were kind of having to deal with mothers very upset that they wouldn't just take the baby to the nursery, though.
New parents are emphatically NOT being taught by medical staff to keep their children elsewhere and let them cry or put them on an adult-determined schedule. The AAP recommendations are actually the exact opposite. All the research points directly toward bonding and attachment. Many parents do hear the reverse from online mommy groups, etc., but that's a completely different topic. The medical community isn't pushing it at all.
Sometimes you have to punish. Otherwise kids might not understand consequences of bad actions. And when little kids want to run away from mom in a store or out of the yard, a swift slap on the bottom teaches them not to continue this behavior,
IMO, spanking when warranted is easier on the kid than psychological punishments involving separating the kid in a time out corner. The punishment is swift, the kid know why he is being punished, and it is over quick.
But kids need boundaries and discipline, you can’t never punish. And IMO, you don’t want to be spanking often, or striking an older child. When the kid gets older you can reason with him or her.
However, my grands are being raised without spanking, and their parents are doing a great job. I don’t think there is any one best way to raise kids. I would never, ever spank my grands,
But, kids need to suffer the consequences of bad actions. Sometimes parents need to punish.
IMO, what is damaging is for parents to call their kids “bad.” I never did that.
I could have written this word for word. I fully agree!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silibran
Sometimes you have to punish. Otherwise kids might not understand consequences of bad actions. And when little kids want to run away from mom in a store or out of the yard, a swift slap on the bottom teaches them not to continue this behavior,
IMO, spanking when warranted is easier on the kid than psychological punishments involving separating the kid in a time out corner. The punishment is swift, the kid know why he is being punished, and it is over quick.
But kids need boundaries and discipline, you can’t never punish. And IMO, you don’t want to be spanking often, or striking an older child. When the kid gets older you can reason with him or her.
However, my grands are being raised without spanking, and their parents are doing a great job. I don’t think there is any one best way to raise kids. I would never, ever spank my grands,
But, kids need to suffer the consequences of bad actions. Sometimes parents need to punish.
IMO, what is damaging is for parents to call their kids “bad.” I never did that.
Wait, what?
You're saying you have to punish, and a swift slap on the bottom teacher them not to continue dangerous behavior.
Then you go on to say your grandkids are being raised without spanking, and their parents are doing a great job, and that you would never spank your grands?
Which is it?
Sounds like you came one generation late to this table, but now you're finally here?
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