origins of yes, m'am, and yes sir? (teaching, parents, children)
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As I was growing up I noticed that my parents did not require me to answer yes, m'am or yes sir when addressing them as did some of my friends. We were not allowed to answer "what?" or "huh" we had to answer "yes" if called from another part of the house, or when anwering a direct question. I ask this, because it seems to carry alot of meaning for some people who, when speaking to children will say "Yes,...what?" and will not proceed without the trained response. It seems to me to be a demand for an outward show of respect where possibly if respect is demonstrated it should be earned...even by children. Does anyone know where this originated, by whom, when ?...why?
It's an old world custom, and a pretty good one at that.
Simply saying "yes" and "no" just fulfills the functional requirements of conversation. Saying "ma'am" or "sir" is a sign of respect. Children are not the equals of adults, and adults should be respectful to one another regardless of social station when they first meet.
We never used ma'am or sir in our family. Just not the custom in my area or family. I did use it when addressing customers at various jobs I had through high school and college. Trust me though-it does not mean there was a lack of respect toward our elders. "Yeah" and "huh" were considered disrespectful and were promptly corrected after the stern, "EXCUSE ME?" from my mother. And if I was yelled for from the other side of the house, I had better not even answer verbally, that was just my cue to show up-"Don't WHAT me-come here when I call you." LOL. That said, I love when I hear a grown man say yes ma'am or no ma'am to his mother, grandmother, etc. When Paula Dean's sons say this to her on her show, I just melt.
I grew up in the South and was required to say "ma'am and "sir". Lord have mercy on me if I forgot the "ma'am" or "sir"! In the military all officers are addressed as "sir" or "ma'am".
Let me preface this by saying this is only how I feel and everyone is entitled to disagree with me. Personally, I refuse to demand my children to address us as "ma'am" or "sir". That term brings up racist images in m mind. Down south, it seems as though all African-Americans, regardless of age, address all white people as "ma'am" or "sir". When I recently went back home, I just felt extremely uncomfortable when addressed as "ma'am" by an elderly black lady. I believe there are many other ways of showing respect without using these terms. I do teach my kids to say "yes, mom" or "yes, dad" instead of "huh" or "what". Since my kids are not enlisted military members or slaves, I don't require them to address me that way.Everyone has different opinions on the matter. This is just mine.
I grew up in the South and was required to say "ma'am and "sir". Lord have mercy on me if I forgot the "ma'am" or "sir"! In the military all officers are addressed as "sir" or "ma'am".
Let me preface this by saying this is only how I feel and everyone is entitled to disagree with me. Personally, I refuse to demand my children to address us as "ma'am" or "sir". That term brings up racist images in m mind. Down south, it seems as though all African-Americans, regardless of age, address all white people as "ma'am" or "sir". When I recently went back home, I just felt extremely uncomfortable when addressed as "ma'am" by an elderly black lady. I believe there are many other ways of showing respect without using these terms. I do teach my kids to say "yes, mom" or "yes, dad" instead of "huh" or "what". Since my kids are not enlisted military members or slaves, I don't require them to address me that way.Everyone has different opinions on the matter. This is just mine.
I wasn't taught to say ma'am or sir until I joined the Air Force. I caught on very fast! But I won't make my kids say it because it isn't custom here and they'd sound strange. I will teach them to respect adults, however.
It isn't the custom in my area, either. In fact many adult women (including myself) would cringe at being called "ma'am". A simple yes or no will suffice, and making eye contact. We also ask that our children address their elders with Mr. or Mrs., unless they have been requested to go by first names instead.
Growing up I wasn't required to do this and we never required our children to do it either. Within two weeks of moving to Texas my children suddenly started with ma'am and sir. It was actually kind of nice to hear them address adults that way. Not sure how it happened maybe the teachers spoke to my children or they just heard all the other children address the teachers/adults that way.
We never used ma'am or sir in our family. Just not the custom in my area or family. I did use it when addressing customers at various jobs I had through high school and college. Trust me though-it does not mean there was a lack of respect toward our elders. "Yeah" and "huh" were considered disrespectful and were promptly corrected after the stern, "EXCUSE ME?" from my mother. And if I was yelled for from the other side of the house, I had better not even answer verbally, that was just my cue to show up-"Don't WHAT me-come here when I call you." LOL.
Ditto all that in our family as well.
I did pick up m'am/sir when I went to college in TX and still do that with people who are clearly much older than me.
DH who grew up in IA, was taught to use m'am/sir and wants to instill that in our children.
My boss's grandson went to military school at 16 and he's been m'am-ing me since I was 27. I told him he did not need to do that and he replied, "Oh, yes, m'am, I do."
As far as "earning respect", how does a 3 or 4 yr old know that a parent has "earned" his/her respect if it's not taught? To me, that's like saying it's ok for a 16 yr old to address me as "Yo...you need something?" until I have earned his/her respect.
Frankly, I really don't understand the bru-ha-ha over teaching children to use sir/m'am. I don't see it as much as a demand as just teaching children to be mannerly IF you want to use sir/m'am.
It's an old world custom, and a pretty good one at that.
Simply saying "yes" and "no" just fulfills the functional requirements of conversation. Saying "ma'am" or "sir" is a sign of respect. Children are not the equals of adults, and adults should be respectful to one another regardless of social station when they first meet.
Are you sure? 'Cause I swear when I look around me these days, not only do kids think they're equal and deserving of the same respect adults get, but they actually think they're higher on the totem pole.
Of course, it doesn't help that it's those very parents that are putting them up there.
We were not required to address our parents that way, but we were taught to address anyone else outside the family that way, as this was considered polite and good manners.
I find nothing at all wrong w/ it and still do it myself, especially when addressing or replying to older people.
I am Southern and found it interesting that when I moved to the midwest, I was asked about this and seems a lot of people have "politicized" Yes ma'am and No sir into some kind of statement about people having to "shuffle and jive to Massa's will" and relate it to slavery.
Seeing as how I am white and my whole family and all our neighbors and friends used (and many still use) this more formal way of addressing people (especially our "elders") I never got it as to why someone would try to politicize good manners . . . But I surely discovered many people have. So I guess it is just a matter of what you have been taught and what (and where) you have lived.
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'Cause I swear when I look around me these days, not only do kids think they're equal and deserving of the same respect adults get, but they actually think they're higher on the totem pole. 
