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Of course the kid knows....that isn't the point to keep anything secret.
If that really is the case, it certainly makes Dad's bragging about his methods seem disingenuous.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Maleman
not with an attitude of "I caught you!", but just to emphasize that I am following up. "Say, Hi, how ya doin, I missed you so I thought I'd see how you're doing". Keeping him honest, in other words... They hate embarrassment. When you show up, it embarasses them, so they follow the rules to avoid that.
7. My husband decided to throw a temper tantrum at me because I grounded her! He's a jerk, and seems to think we live in the 70's still! He does not parent these kids at all...all he does is yell, and ignore everyone so he can play games on his ipad!
So how "OK" is this with y'all?
I'm not OK with the bolded. Why have you put up with this so long? You're the only adult in the family. The two of you need couples therapy, and he needs parenting classes. Or maybe you both do. In any case, this marriage doesn't sound like it's going to last.
Daughter lying and manipulating-that's a problem worth grounding for.
I would NOT have the problem the OP does with the bike ride. If I trust the family enough to have my kid at their house, I certainly trust them enough to have my kid in a PUBLIC place. As long as the kid was back and ready to be picked up at the agreed upon time, I don't see the issue.
It's not like they went for a bike ride down to the corner pub.
Nothing disingenuous. I'm in poor health and can't match him physically. I'm not bragging either. I just don't expect to live long enough to see him into manhood. I figure the best thing I can do is to teach him to think for himself, teach him right from wrong, teach him that every action carries consequences, and throw in a little bit of healthy paranoia. Let him know that somebody is watching him. That somebody cares enough to.
If it can help somebody, it gives a little meaning to a wasted life. That's why I give advice. Take it or not, but please don't vilify me.
Showing up unannounced under the guise of "missing him" is the definition of disingenuous.
I don't vilify. I point out inconsistencies. And "healthy paranoia" is a new one for me.
I'm not OK with the bolded. Why have you put up with this so long? You're the only adult in the family. The two of you need couples therapy, and he needs parenting classes. Or maybe you both do. In any case, this marriage doesn't sound like it's going to last.
Both need parenting classes....I see nothing that lets the op off the hook for anything.
What things would you do if you KNEW there was absolutely no chance of anyone ever knowing about it?
Healthy paranoia is what prevents you from doing that. The thought that someone just MIGHT find out about it.
Come on. That is so messed up.
My value system keeps me from doing things I shouldn't.
I don't live in fear of some invisible boogeyman, or my dad showing up at inappropriate times and places.
Geez, can we back of The Maleman and get back to the OP? The Maleman isn't advocating anything different than the police do everyday with traffic stops. Like it or not, it's S.O.P. for lots of things in life.
Ya, I'm confused. If you didn't want her to go, why'd you let her? Did you specify ahead of time that they were to stay at the house, not go anywhere? You were ok with letting her go over to this house where you didn't know the parents or grand parents very well, but you weren't ok with them going on a bike ride?
You left your child in the care of another family and they did what they thought was acceptable. I think you are upset with yourself for allowing her to go when you weren't totally comfortable, and/or not checking with your husband first. Don't take it our on your daughter.
THIS is spot on.
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