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It's my opinion because I've dealt with it more than once. Now, you can go on arguing with the wall, because I'm done talking to you about it. Your statements don't make sense.
A person has opinions about a favorite color or place to eat dinner....it's not an opinion when you state that only children have issues because they are only children. That is a lie....at best a false statement from limited information.
Well, I don't think it's a lie. Doesn't everyone have some residual issues based on their particular family situation?
If you're the oldest, that position in the family shapes you in a certain way and it is not always positive. I'm the youngest in my family, and I can certainly tell you how that influenced me in some negative ways. Then there are middle children; they're notorious for complaining about their families!
So how could only children not possibly have any issues related to being onlies?
Personally, I think that if an only child, as an adult, said "I loved every minute of being an only child; there are no disadvantages whatsoever to not having siblings; everyone should be an only," they would be lying.
And if people with siblings say, "My siblings and I were always best friends; we never fought or disagreed; we shared everything; we always looked out for each other; we took away nothing but positive experiences from our childhood"--they're lying too.
Well, I don't think it's a lie. Doesn't everyone have some residual issues based on their particular family situation?
If you're the oldest, that position in the family shapes you in a certain way and it is not always positive. I'm the youngest in my family, and I can certainly tell you how that influenced me in some negative ways. Then there are middle children; they're notorious for complaining about their families!
So how could only children not possibly have any issues related to being onlies?
Personally, I think that if an only child, as an adult, said "I loved every minute of being an only child; there are no disadvantages whatsoever to not having siblings; everyone should be an only," they would be lying.
And if people with siblings say, "My siblings and I were always best friends; we never fought or disagreed; we shared everything; we always looked out for each other; we took away nothing but positive experiences from our childhood"--they're lying too.
Everyone has some things that effect them....and most people do not have perfect childhoods no matter their birth order.
However to say that only children have mental health and personality issues solely because they are only children is a big horrible lie. There have been plenty of people with siblings that have been sociopathic and bat-crap crazy.
And honestly, I don't see any disadvantages to being an only. (For the record, I am one, so is my daughter, and my father....and my paternal grandfather....oh and my paternal/paternal great-grandfather.....not to mention my one cousin on my mother's side....though my mother does have two sisters. (My husband is one of 4...and it talks to one brother about once a year.) )
However, we as onlies probably don't see disadvantages because it's what we are used to and it just wasn't an odd thing in my family. I see tons of problems with having siblings....but chances are someone who is used to that dynamic doesn't even think twice about them.
I don't go around claiming that people with siblings have what ever problems they personally may have because their parents had more than one child....but too many feel it's perfectly acceptable to blame all sorts of problems on being an only....and the fact of the matter is there is no correlation.
And honestly, I don't see any disadvantages to being an only.
However, we as onlies probably don't see disadvantages because it's what we are used to and it just wasn't an odd thing in my family. I see tons of problems with having siblings.
This is actually a little sad. It reminds me of several people I have known who were raised by single mothers, and told me in effect, "I never missed having a dad, I didn't need a dad, my friend's dads were annoying and I'm glad I didn't have one, who needs them."
Most of us who had dads, and most of us who had siblings, know that our lives would be the poorer without them. Are there exceptions, of course. But to hear someone say, "I didn't have siblings, and I'm glad, and it's better to be an only child, because siblings are nothing but a problem" is just....sad.
This is actually a little sad. It reminds me of several people I have known who were raised by single mothers, and told me in effect, "I never missed having a dad, I didn't need a dad, my friend's dads were annoying and I'm glad I didn't have one, who needs them."
Most of us who had dads, and most of us who had siblings, know that our lives would be the poorer without them. Are there exceptions, of course. But to hear someone say, "I didn't have siblings, and I'm glad, and it's better to be an only child, because siblings are nothing but a problem" is just....sad.
Being an only child has not a damn thing to do with other family dynamics....including being raised with an absentee parent. Everyone in my family has two parents thank you very much. The issues facing single parents are much more complicated and involve many socio and economic variables.
Save your pity...because honestly it comes off as condescending at best. How can you know what it's like to be an only child if you've never been one?
I am not sad about it (neither is my daughter)....I don't think less of people with siblings because their parents didn't think the kids was good enough so they had to have other kids. Notice the insult there? I don't believe it...but that is about how you are coming across with your sadness line. It's not sad at all if that what the family wants.
Don't be sad for only children....be sad for kids that have parents that don't want them.
I'm not sad for only children; I know many and they all appear to be just fine; at least, whatever personal issues they may have, they seem to function all right in society. I can say the same for people with siblings. I don't know any sociopaths.
What saddens me is the attitude, which you expressed in so many words, that there are "tons of problems" with having siblings but you can see NO disadvantages to not having them. I can see the advantages to being an only child all right, but you can only see the bad points of having siblings. If you respond that way, it only confirms to others that you don't know what you're missing.
I lost my mother 13 years ago, and my dad is now 90 and frail. I am only 45. Fortunately, I have six older siblings whom I love and get along with. If I can't remember something specific about our parents or our childhood, or have some question about the family, or just want to talk about it, I can talk to my siblings. They are different from friends who may be very close, but still don't share my same background. I am hugely grateful for them and do think it would be a disadvantage in my situation to have been the only child.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletG
I don't think less of people with siblings because their parents didn't think the kid was good enough so they had to have other kids. Notice the insult there?
Yeah, I've heard this one too. SO immature and defensive. If people only want / can have one child, fine! Who cares!? (I know some people act like they care what others do, but they shouldn't, and they should be ignored). But spare us all the smart-mouth comeback: "I have only one child because I got it right the first time, ha ha!"
This is actually a little sad. It reminds me of several people I have known who were raised by single mothers, and told me in effect, "I never missed having a dad, I didn't need a dad, my friend's dads were annoying and I'm glad I didn't have one, who needs them."
Most of us who had dads, and most of us who had siblings, know that our lives would be the poorer without them. Are there exceptions, of course. But to hear someone say, "I didn't have siblings, and I'm glad, and it's better to be an only child, because siblings are nothing but a problem" is just....sad.
I grew up without a dad (he bailed when I was 3) and I can definitely say I never missed having one because I never knew what having one was like and my mom was always there for me. That said, I would never say something like "who needs them" because how much can it hurt to have another person in your life that you can count on and that loves you? That doesn't mean my life was poorer than it could have been, because who wants a dad like that? A man who can't even bother to be a part of his son's life.
Anyway, I guess that's the wonderful thing about childhood. Whether you have zero, one, two or eight siblings, a mom and a dad, two moms or two dads, or you are raised by your grandparents...as long as there is love in a child's life, he/she will adapt to whatever his world is and be happy and thrive in it.
I am also part of the "a few shots and some cuddling on the couch" phenomenon that produced the second baby in our family, and barely 6 months after our first was born, LOL. Wouldn't have it any other way, though, that little one of ours is a love bug of epic proportions and our first is truly the sweetest, most compassionate child ever <3
I am also part of the "a few shots and some cuddling on the couch" phenomenon that produced the second baby in our family, and barely 6 months after our first was born, LOL. Wouldn't have it any other way, though, that little one of ours is a love bug of epic proportions and our first is truly the sweetest, most compassionate child ever <3
Good for you Bernie! I think that's great! That's my 2&3rd. My DD was 6 mos old when I got pregnant with 3. They call them Irish twins!
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