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Brother in NY hooked up with old girlfriend, she is separated but not divorced. (plays BIG role)
Have 1 yr old.
She is UNSTABLE. was abandoned by her parents, mom came back and took younger brother, left her to be raised by grandma. (just a little back ground).
now in late 30's
2 other kids, young teens, who have been sent home on numerous occassions for lice. This started over a yr ago. SHE STILL HAS LICE, (not the kids as none live with her and havent in months)
Brother and her split, she has threated suicide, for her and baby, 2 police reports filed.
MY brother is "not" the father because she is still married and legally ex is gaurdian. ( ex hates brother)
Brother has filed paternity papers, but not gone to court yet.
She sleeps on the floor as she has no bed. 2 other kids stay with their father.
Brother having problems in house, ie no heat (have to use elec heater throughout house with toddler) no water. She wouldnt even keep him (the baby who has been living with brother) at her place during thesew conditions. They are in NY mountains, where it is quite cold.
Well she assaulted brother last night, in front of his 13 yr old and baby and took baby and left (dont know where assuming not far). filed police report.........
she telling police he's not father! HE IS, but she has him by the b@@@s as no paternity established yet.
ANY ONE WITH ANY SUGGESTIONS ON HOW TO HANDLE THIS IN A GOOD WAY.
WHAT SHOULD WE DO!
FIGURE (HOPING) SOMEONE WITH OUT THE EMOTIONS INVOLVED MIGHT SEE SOMETHING WE'RE MISSING
Last edited by cantana; 12-31-2007 at 03:53 AM..
Reason: add to title
He should file charges for the assault and explain to the officers the problem with the baby. He might be able to have the paternity test done more quickly if it is established that she is an abuser.
He should also call social services and report her.
He should file charges for the assault and explain to the officers the problem with the baby. He might be able to have the paternity test done more quickly if it is established that she is an abuser.
He should also call social services and report her.
Exactly. Maybe the dept. of family services could intervene or tell brother where he can get help. Does he have a lawyer? Can he afford one? He'd get a lot done much faster if he had his own "Family" lawyer who knows what to do, what papers to file, & how to get the paternity test done quicker!
Yes. He needs to file charges, keep documentation of everything, call social services in his state (if you tell me the state, I can find you the number to call), and get an attorney immediately.
Unfortunetly he can't afford a lawyer at this time, he filed assault charges last night, and was going to follow up 1st thing this morning with police and child protective services.
Its just very frustrating to know the things she does, and how LITTLE she actually cares about the children.
BIGGEST worry is that the baby gets taken away from her, BUT not given to my brother as she keeps saying he's not his. A cop has no choice at that point.
We have friends in this law enforcement but dont believe they can help with this part of what is about to happen. He doesnt deserve this (the baby) or to be put in a strange place. he has been living with my brother his whole life minus a few weeks that she took him before.
we're helpless it seems.... when he ran into this the 1st time he filed paternity papers, but the process is so slow.
Apparently she has assaulted her girls father too recently. She assaulted my brother in front of both kids 2 and 13.
wouldnt doubt that the girls were present when she attacked their father.
Was going to call the school (at brothers request) to report incident happening in front of daughter, and let them know about lice.
Last edited by cantana; 12-31-2007 at 11:28 AM..
Reason: corrections
If he's already started the ball rolling as far as establishing paternity, that may be in his favor. Make sure he's got all of his paperwork together and ready to show to the powers that be.
The cops don't decide where the child goes, Child Protective Services does. They will search for family members first, but the problem is that unless he knows the children are removed, CPS won't know to contact him. He should look into free legal clinics, etc. Some states have punitive father registries that the bio dad can register with just in case the child gets removed from the home, etc. I don't know what state you are in, but you can search for that in your state.
I am so sorry this is happening to the kids and in front of the kids. your brother needs to
get legal council there are attorney's that do pro bono work.
I do hope that the child is his.... I do suppose there is a chance the child is not his and he must find out that first. To know what to do next.
I pray for everyone involved this brought tears to my eyes there are so many children that are not wanted that when there are wanted children it is so sad that there are the complications such as this....
I've actually used them myself with the test that's legal in court. They were a bit pricey but for what I needed, it had to be legal & done right. They have a service that will come to your house verses either doing it yourself or going to a center to have it done.
When I was 1st searching for a DNA kit, I did see some that were under $300. In a case like this, IMO he needs to do something to prove that this child is his so that he can move on. Is it possible for others in the family to each contribute some cash so that he can at least do the DNA test when the baby comes back?
As was mentioned there are legal places that may help him. He can go to switchboard.com and look for a paralegal
I have to second jessiegirl_98's statement. Law enforcement doesn't [have to] enforce child/domestic issues. (I'm a future LEO, and I've witnessed this in my professional and personal observations)
I understand how you, as a sister, are frustrated. Believe me, my brother has had his share of psycho-baby-momma-drama. There isn't enough room on these boards to tell you all the s**t she's done to our family over a 10-year period. Just a taste though, when she was mad at my brother, she would beat herself in the stomach when she was pregnant to "get under his skin" so to speak. As a result, the placenta tore away and causing her to go into premature labor 6 weeks early. And because she had bruises all over her going to the hospital, it was mandatory to call CPS. That day they happened to be (surprise), so when they asked her where the bruises came from, she said my brother beat her in the stomach the day before when the cops were called. Luckily me and her mother were both able to witness that we'd seen HER do it on several occasions. Plus the girl wasn't smart enough to clearly think about what she was saying. Yes they did have an altercation the day before where she attacked him then called the cops saying he attacked her (there were witnesses that disputed her claims). And also the mere fact that law enforcement writes up reports on everything. **Per my professors: If it's not reported, it didn't happen.** So, the report stated that there were no markings that would indicate he struck her where she said he did. But basically, CPS has been involved throughout my niece's 5-year life.
Just from watching that whole case, I don't have too much of an optimistic attitude for CPS. That's only my opinion from my personal experience. I don't condemn the whole system for it, because they do represent the child...and that's what's important. So get them involved. FYI, if a complaint is made to them, they must investigate it (at which, he can provide his contact information).
Also, as I'm sure your brother knows now, another good thing about the evolution of father's rights is that they can open a case up for a paternity himself. I know someone who got pregnant, knew who the father was and that he was a druggie, believed that in the child's best to keep it away from him, and tried her best to avoid him altogether. The father eventually got word that she was pregnant and knew it was his, then when the baby was born he filed a paternity test himself. The child is 3-years-old now and in and out of court. It's ridiculous. So, in respect for your brother to be legally be protected, it's not a bad idea to talk to an attorney. I know you stated that he doesn't have the money, but many give free consultations to at least give him a starting point. There are also several forum sites on the web that give legal advice. I have a personal favorite that I keep bookmarked. Sometimes when I get bored, I like to go up there and read the posts. I've actually learned a lot from it and I've considered going to law school when I finish this degree (granted I come up with the green first). I'm not sure if I can post the link up here, so if you'd like you can PM me.
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