Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Correction. She doesn't believe you're better than her. She believes you believe you're better than her. Big difference.
OP needs to work on that, then. I saw no evidence of anyone in this thread making statements that implied they were "better" than anyone else.
I can understand why, with all the OP is dealing with, she might fall into that kind of thinking. None of us are perfect parents and none of us have perfect kids.
__________________
When in doubt, check it out: FAQ
I thought about the "personality types" issue. But sometimes kids we think of as "good" kids will do it also. It's just at the age where they are curious and beginning to experiment. So, teens being teens, you can't always guess who will and who won't.
Such a good point! The thing about teens too? That child might be golden and on the right path, making great, responsible choices one week, then down a path of self-destruction the next. It's why we need to protect them from temptations, if we can. Why NOT keep your prescription drugs out of sight. WE know the harmful side effects and the dangers of them. Why wouldn't we safeguard our kids against them? As parents, we ARE supposed to be the responsible ones, aren't we?
I'd never want to walk in Marylee's shoes. It's disgusting how many people attack her. She really has done everything she could. She describes the type of child that people have driven across country to drop off at hospitals in states that forgot to put age limits on baby drop-offs. He is so far gone that "getting to the root of the problem" is useless advice. Right now, Marylee is just trying to physically survive living with a violent person. I don't blame her one bit for counting the days until she can kick him out, and I'm one of those people who usually oppose parents kicking children out.
Hopes, unfortunately, many of the people posting here do not have a clue as to just how much Marylee has been through. I went through this with a child and it KILLED me......or let's put it this way, I ALMOST allowed it to kill me. Sometimes, you try to do everything right, follow the rules, turn yourself inside out, trying to save someone and all you do is get battered and beaten and flat out victimized by your own CHILD.
It is NOT always a parent's fault. Sometimes, children are too smart and manipulative for their own darn good and they don't have a clue just how destructive and damning their behavior is to them. Good grief, mine is 30 yrs old now and man, does that guy have a ton of regrets and shame. Just like I told him, (), "Son, once you get out there in the world and see the kind of childhoods many other kids had, you're going to be so embarrassed, so ashamed, and so grateful that you had the family you had."
Yes, I was right and we're all better, stronger, wiser and CLOSER, because of his behavior. There are no grudges. He was a child. The thing of it is, it's traumatic. Truly, there is no way to make anyone understand the damage it can inflict on these children's families, both parents AND siblings. It's horrific and sometimes, you're flat out helpless and hopeless. Sometimes, you have to simply let them GO. If they won't leave, you pray that you can survive until they're old enought to get OUT of the house!
Those who haven't been through it, or been close to someone who has, they can't understand! Why? It's unbelievable! It has to be the parents' fault, because, how else can a kid not be stopped from turning out like that?
To all those raising kids and judging Marylee as an unfit parent....please, "Judge not, lest ye be judged". For all your desperate efforts, you could find yourself dealing with a child such as this. I hope you don't, but seriously, it happens. When it does, all you can do is buy more safes, more locks, keep the keys out of their reach, hang on for the ride and pray that everyone survives the friggin war and learns some valuable life lessons in the process.
OP needs to work on that, then. I saw no evidence of anyone in this thread making statements that implied they were "better" than anyone else.
I can understand why, with all the OP is dealing with, she might fall into that kind of thinking. None of us are perfect parents and none of us have perfect kids.
Truth. Look, when you think you're doing the right things, especially when you've "judged" other paents, and you're trying to be "better than" these "bad parents", you end up feeling judged and persecuted, by those who have "better" kids. JUDGE NOT, LEST YE BE JUDGED!
Insecure people judge others as a way of making themselves feel good enough. Because they look to others as a way of placing a value on themselves, they're always judging others. Others are "not as good" or they "think they're better than" the insecure person.
It is entirely possible that this kid is going to be just FINE. It is entirely possible that this kid is going to end up being a child psychologist and/or counsellor, when he finally figures things out! The thing of it is, they can ALL learn something and be made better, by this experience. Forgiveness, communication and understanding though, is paramount here. Marylee just has to hang in there, hold on and survive this traumatic period in their lives.
Marylee....thank you. People NEED to hear what you're saying. You're doing the best you know to do and girl, you're still HERE! LOL Hang on, he's almost old enough to where you'll actually have a choice in whether you CAN protect yourself from him. Until then, I will continue to pray for peace and safety for you ALL.
I didn't say locking up the drugs would solve any and all problems I'm having with my DS.I said it would put a stop to at least one.
Thanks for all the "help" from all the perfect parents out there. for your information, it has been a long, mostly losing battle with DS. I have read all the books out there, been to counseling for years, he's been in RTC, been in juvenile detention many times for assaulting me---when we lived in another county. Now that we've moved, this county is more concerned about their crime stats and, essentially, does nothing.
I was pointing out ONE thing parents, even those who are "perfect" need to consider. Abuse of prescription pain killers is a national epidemic, to the point doctors are reluctant to prescribe them for legitimate reasons. It really could happen in your house, too, don't be so sure of yourselves.
Just WTH do you suggest I do? I've tried everything. He smokes marijuana in his room, I've found it, pipes, bongs, etc, I've called police, they say its not illegal to posess it, just illegal to sell it, or have intention to sell it. Many times DS has "gone off" gotten out of hand, we've called police, he was taken to ER, blood tests came back positive for marijuana---thc. Not a thing was done, I had to ask, they acted like no big deal, didn't even bother to inform me, I had to ask about his blood tests, they weren't proactive in informing me. He was sent to a psychiatric hospital, they didn't even acknowledge the issue.
Look, I'm not asking for "help" here in how to become one of your "club" the perfect parent club. I'm simply giving advice that could be of use for some of you. I know, how could such an "imperfect" being advise those who are so wonderful? Sorry, I don't live in your world, but then, you don't live in mine.
I'm sorry, but if the OP chooses to speak to people like this, then the OP is going to have an uphill battle garnering sympathy.
OK it might not be a bad idea for everybody to lock up controlled substances, weapons and liquor regardless of teenagers in the house. Burglaries,maintenance and repair people,visiting guests of all ages can all happen.
But what gets to me and so many others on this forum who know OP's history with her kids is that she has been aware of this kid's problems for years and she SHOULD HAVE KNOWN HOW TEMPTING THESE MEDS WOULD BE TO HIM! To me it would be like leaving a loaded gun out with a person suffering from severe depression in the house.
Those of us who say we don't need to lock up meds from our teens are not claiming to be perfect parents or our kids perfect kids. We are simply saying we do not have this particular problem in our homes.
OK it might not be a bad idea for everybody to lock up controlled substances, weapons and liquor regardless of teenagers in the house. Burglaries,maintenance and repair people,visiting guests of all ages can all happen.
But what gets to me and so many others on this forum who know OP's history with her kids is that she has been aware of this kid's problems for years and she SHOULD HAVE KNOWN HOW TEMPTING THESE MEDS WOULD BE TO HIM! To me it would be like leaving a loaded gun out with a person suffering from severe depression in the house.
Those of us who say we don't need to lock up meds from our teens are not claiming to be perfect parents or our kids perfect kids. We are simply saying we do not have this particular problem in our homes.
Great point Kudzu. I believe teens should be considered trustworthy, until shown otherwise. Marylee has been shown otherwise, for years.
Great point Kudzu. I believe teens should be considered trustworthy, until shown otherwise. Marylee has been shown otherwise, for years.
She has. .. and in her case everything in my house would be locked down. ... however that still doesn't mean all teens need that level of supervision and distrust from their parents or the bad attitude she had towards those that think that.
OK it might not be a bad idea for everybody to lock up controlled substances, weapons and liquor regardless of teenagers in the house. Burglaries,maintenance and repair people,visiting guests of all ages can all happen.
But what gets to me and so many others on this forum who know OP's history with her kids is that she has been aware of this kid's problems for years and she SHOULD HAVE KNOWN HOW TEMPTING THESE MEDS WOULD BE TO HIM! To me it would be like leaving a loaded gun out with a person suffering from severe depression in the house.
Those of us who say we don't need to lock up meds from our teens are not claiming to be perfect parents or our kids perfect kids. We are simply saying we do not have this particular problem in our homes.
Good post, NK. Heck, I think we'd ALL lock up meds and anything else that could be of danger, if we had a child like him, especially, with his history.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
), "Son, once you get out there in the world and see the kind of childhoods many other kids had, you're going to be so embarrassed, so ashamed, and so grateful that you had the family you had." 
Why? It's unbelievable! It has to be the parents' fault, because, how else can a kid not be stopped from turning out like that? 
