Parents with adult kids: what would you do differently if you were raising them today? (clothes, play)

[smommaof3]

Originally Posted by stan4

I don't think you should kick yourself about the age thing.

Our valedictorian was the youngest person in our class.
Our salutatorian was the next youngest.
I was barely older than they were and I started school when I was 4.
(two girls and a guy)

We all did fine and I actually took advantage of the fact to spend an extra year in college.
Don't beat yourself up about it. I think most kids will do fine with that.

Thank you guys for posting here... I will listen and learn from your experiences.

I think people who say they should have waited (unless a teach/doctor/ect told them so) are just displacing their child's immaturity. Some people (adults included) are just more immature than their peers. What are you gonna do? Wait until they're 10 to send them to preschool/kindergarten? I'm saying this because in of my children's kindergarten there was a boy who was left behind and it showed in his size, but my gosh was he was baby mentally. I don't think waiting helped him any.

[Ceece]

I now realize that the biggest contribution to my children's outcomes was in picking the area they'd grow up in.

Yes. We were in a good area so I can't really complain, but it's strange to think how their lives (ALL OUR LIVES ACTUALLY) would have been different if we had moved to the other side of town or the next city over . Different people, different schools, different everything. It Could have been better or worse so I don't worry about it but still.....

I'm not sure what I would do different. I was a SAHM which may have been good for them but it turned out bad for me when I had to look for work in this economy. Maybe my youngest would have been more independent had I worked? Maybe my eldest, the wild child, would have been MORE wild? I just don't know.

[no kudzu]

Originally Posted by smommaof3

I think people who say they should have waited (unless a teach/doctor/ect told them so) are just displacing their child's immaturity. Some people (adults included) are just more immature than their peers. What are you gonna do? Wait until they're 10 to send them to preschool/kindergarten? I'm saying this because in of my children's kindergarten there was a boy who was left behind and it showed in his size, but my gosh was he was baby mentally. I don't think waiting helped him any.

Maturity is relative. and good teachers are pretty good at discerning how a particular child will fare. any teacher with experience can see how a child's maturity compares to other children that age. When we had the conference at the end of kindergarten our son's teacher suggested we hold him back and have him repeat kindergarten because "he just wasn't ready to go on to first grade". He has an august birthday and was smaller than the other kids. she told us "I guarantee he will graduate in the top 10% of his class academically" because she could see his intelligence but his immaturity was holding him back socially.

we thought long and hard about it and decided it was the best thing to do. he graduated number 7 out of his huge class and went on to become a physics professor. Would he have accomplished the same if he didn't repeat kindergarten? Who knows but i strongly believe his academics were possible because he was a leader in his class and among his peers. he grew to be over 6' tall but most of his height came after his 13th birthday. it is a known fact shorter boys have more trouble academically and socially in school. but since he was one of the older kids in his class he was about on par with the rest of his buddies.

[Mightyqueen801]

Originally Posted by denverian

Yeah, that's hard though. We have 6 year old twins and with two F/T working parents, it just leaves a lot to get done every evening. I feel bad a couple evennings per week when I just have so much "domestic" work to get done. But we do make time on the weekends to do fun things. We all went hiking and then out to brunch yesterday, and they liked it. Then we all took naps lol!

It's all balance, and it sounds as if you know what's important.

I'm near retirement age, and where I work it was possible to "bank" up to a year's worth of vacation time that you can cash in when you retire. I don't have a vacation bank because I took my vacation time when my kid was growing up. I was a working mom in a town of mostly SAHMs, and I wanted to participate as much as I could. I took days off to chaperone trips or be the TICTOC mom or whatever. I have no regrets about that at all.

[JennyMominRI]

I wold teach them better eating habits.

[DewDropInn]

I'd have added another bathroom.

[Momma_bear]

Originally Posted by smommaof3

I think people who say they should have waited (unless a teach/doctor/ect told them so) are just displacing their child's immaturity. Some people (adults included) are just more immature than their peers. What are you gonna do? Wait until they're 10 to send them to preschool/kindergarten? I'm saying this because in of my children's kindergarten there was a boy who was left behind and it showed in his size, but my gosh was he was baby mentally. I don't think waiting helped him any.

I think it's true that some people are less mature than their peers. However, you have to consider that when one child has just turned 5 and another is nearly 6 they aren't true peers with respect to age. My son did fine academically. I just think that socially the early years of school, when the age difference is most prominent, would have been easier for him had he been closer to the average age for his grade.

When he was just turning 5 I don't think he was any less mature than other kids who had just turned 5. However, some of his classmates turned 6 as soon as K started while he was still just turned 5 over the summer. He seemed immature compared to the older kids in his grade.

At any rate he is 18 now and he is doing fine. He will be starting college next month.

[Jerseyt719]

My twins started K at 4. They were a month into school when they had their birthday.

I sent them to a private preschool. I asked if they should stay another year. The teachers said no. They were more than ready.
Mine are girls.
I had my first conference with their kindergarten teachers who told me they were less than pleased when they saw their dates of birth on their roster BUT after the first 3 days realized they were farther ahead than kids that were older than them.

I really think it depends on the child.

Back to the topic. I think I would have moved earlier in their education. We moved at the beginning of high school. I wish we would have done it earlier. NJ has great education overall but it really varies still. I think moving them earlier would have made them have better study habits.
They had to change from simply showing up and maintaining honors to actually working for it. Oh the growing pains we struggled through.

[beachmel]

Originally Posted by newdixiegirl

I love stories like this, beachmel. For the sake of my kids, I wish this could have been mine.

I think you and your husband ARE compatible, though. You just had to grow into each other, as life mates and as parents.

The funny thing is, we are so very different. As different as night and day. The thing we do have in common though, is that we're basically both free spirits. We understand that about each other and do try to work out our differences, without attempting to change the other, to suit our needs. We just have respect for each other's differences. We are actually friends.

[Katarina Witt]

My answers are similar to many others'. Yell less, try to "see the forest for the trees" more. I would have the kids doing more regular chores.