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Well of course there are kids who are successful despite being young for their grades, but that doesn't mean it's right for every child. Not sure what the fact that the valedictorian and salutatorian were young at your HS has to do with Momma_Bear's experience...
I express the same regret. My now-college aged daughter has a very late summer birthday and went sent her to K just days after she turned 5. She turned out just fine - has friends, got into the colleges she wanted to, and so on - but I do think that extra year might have provided that maturity/social boost that isn't necessarily a bad thing.
On another note, I read something the other day along the lines of "Why, as parents, do we view it as our job to instill in our kids that the world is a dark place and they better be prepared for it? Shouldn't we, as parents, view it as our job to prepare our kids to go out an make the world a little less dark than it was before?" and I totally agree with it. I wish when my kids were little (though my youngest is only 10 so I still have a ways to go) I would have focused less on stuff like bedtimes and limits on screen time and homework and sports and just enjoyed them as the awesome people they are and realized that it's less important that my kids are in bed by 8:30 each night and only have 30 minutes of screen time on the weekend and get As in every class and more important to see that they are good, kind people.
You instilled the very necessary notions of boundaries and limits with bedtime and tv time. You also gave them responsibility and knowing that achievement = hard work. Success is worked for and not given. That's what getting good grades taught them.
Not bad things at all to teach and expect from your kids.
I would have taught mine to do more for themselves at a younger age. I did and gave a lot to them. I don't regret it at all. I just think I hampered their maturation. Mainly my oldest.
I wish we would have played more board games together. I think we have been running around with their activities so much that we just crash at night. Although we have so many fantastic memories from it all.
I still have almost 17 year old twins and they're going off to college next year and I find myself wanting our Friday night slumber parties in the living room again. I don't want them to go.
I regret how quickly time passes.
I think we just may have one of those slumber parties in the near future
I would have played with them more.....enjoyed them more, rather than just "taking good care of them."
I'll second this. I wish I had spent more time at the park and the beach. I wish we'd played more board games. It seems I was always doing what I was supposed to do.
I would have played with them more.....enjoyed them more, rather than just "taking good care of them."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
I'll second this. I wish I had spent more time at the park and the beach. I wish we'd played more board games. It seems I was always doing what I was supposed to do.
I agree. Seemed like we let school and homework dominate our lives. Wish we had thought more about how much they would have learned from traveling, seeing different places, meeting more people.
Mine are 22 and 25, and I'm pleased with how they are responsible, well-adjusted, happy adults. If you asked me 5 years ago, I would have had a huge list of regrets because one of my children struggled. Fortunately, I have been liberated from that list since everything worked out.
I main regret that my husband and I made the decision for him to change careers in 2000 that involved extensive travel with very little home time. While we were always very frugal people, I think we could have found a way to make ends meet on less income that allowed him to be home. It didn't adversely change our marriage, and I didn't mind essentially being a single mother, but the children really missed his being around.
I wish I had taken more pictures during the teen years and been stricter about maturity levels on video games and movies.
I don't regret taking our children out of school to go on vacations, skiing, and all sorts of fun things. We had tons of fun and both of their careers are the direct result of those exciting experiences we had as a family together.
I have a 20 year old and an 18 year old so they are adults but still quite young as far as adults go. I also have a 15 year old but he is not an adult.
They are good kids. Neither has had any run ins with the law. One is starting his junior year of college, the other starting his freshman year of college. Both have jobs in the summer and nice girl friends. I don't have any big regrets with how they were raised.
The one thing I would do differently is that I would have waited an additional year for my 18 year old to start K. He has a summer birthday. Growing up he was always the youngest in his grade. He is an OK student but I think he would have benefited socially if he had been one of the older kids instead of one of the younger ones. I made the mistake of valuing academic challenge more than being able to fit in socially. At age 18 he fits in just fine with his peers but I think the early school years (K-5) would have been easier for him if I had waited a year for him to start school. I also think middle school would have been easier on him had he been a year older.
^^^This. Study after study shows that, especially for boys, waiting a year can give them a slight edge and certainly benefits in athletics.
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel
I would have played with them more.....enjoyed them more, rather than just "taking good care of them."
Yes. As a single parent, I feel like I was very focused on 'doing the right thing'. Consequently, I feel like I just moved from one task to another. I yelled too much.
I tried to keep our extended family together and plan family vacations, etc - but actually wish I had moved away from them sooner. My son played second fiddle to their oh-so-special daughter for far too long. Once I got him out of the tiny town fishbowl - he thrived.
Should have done it sooner.
He's 19 now and doing well in school but . . still needs a better sense of responsibility. Should have made him do more chores!
I have 4 kids in their 40s and 30s. If I could raise them again, with my 60 year old brain, I would have been more present and more available. I was raised in a world where children had rigid expectations for behavior, and my parents were emotionally distant, and that is all I knew how to be.
Our kids are fine productive adults, and if I could have done better, I would have, but I would dearly love a do over. I guess that is what grandchildren are for.
I remember watching an episode of Dr. Phil after our daughter was grown. In that episode, he said that parents should make it a habit to occasionally check up on their teens when they were out. For example, if they said that they were going to so-and-so's house and then the parent was going to take them out someplace or if they were attending a party at a friend's house, let your teen know that you just might drop in to check on them.
I wish that I had done that when our daughter was a teen. Later on, I found out that the mother of one of her friends was not a responsible person (despite me having met her and gotten a good impression) and didn't supervise them at all.
I have a 27 yr old son and a 20 yr old daughter...my son put me through the paces during his high-school years but even though I cried for three days when he went off to college...I snapped out of it pretty quick...and breathed a huge sigh of relief...(he is an attorney now)...my daughter no problems with partying...but I just worried more about her physical safety when she was driving at night with a date...I can't say I would do it any different in hindsight because they both seem to be turning out well...but I know now I would never want to do it again!!! I always said I want my kids to write on my headstone..."Here lies Mom...she tried her best..." I'm not saying I was a perfect mom but I did make the effort and put in the time...
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