Can't stand teenage girls! (party, teens, allowance, average)
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I just found this forum when I was searching for parenting advice.
My name is Jerie (single mom) and I am a mom to a beautiful 15-year-old daughter who lately I can't seem to stand. She is doing well in school, maintains almost all "B's" etc. and has no criminal record and for the most part, stays out of trouble. Lately however she has been doing things that really boil my blood!
First, her attitude. I know many people tell me if her grades are good and she is out of trouble, I shouldn't care about the teenage attitude. However this is not the case! She gives me grief about everything, from watching her little sister, to taking out the trash, etc. I can't stand it, every little thing has to be a gigantic stormy mess.
Second, she sulks whenever she can't have something she wants, but luckily for her, the boyfriend comes through every time I say no. This young man works so hard at is fast food job that at 16 he is already a crew trainer, works 5 days a week this summer, and brings home the bread every time. The latest argument was about getting a Coach handbag. I told her no, if you want to get a Coach handbag, get a job and pay for it yourself or wait until your birthday. So she sulked to the boyfriend and he bought her a $500 fullsize bag on the spot!! Mind you that really gets on my nerves!!
Third, whenever she tries to get a job, she considers herself "above" working at many places like McDonald's, Burger King, Checkers, etc. She only wanted to work for Starbucks, Abercrombie, and Hollister, needless to say, she never got any of these jobs.
She brings me to tears sometimes. What happened to my sweet little girl bringing me a flower from our garden and saying "for you, mommy!" .
I just found this forum when I was searching for parenting advice.
My name is Jerie (single mom) and I am a mom to a beautiful 15-year-old daughter who lately I can't seem to stand. She is doing well in school, maintains almost all "B's" etc. and has no criminal record and for the most part, stays out of trouble. Lately however she has been doing things that really boil my blood!
First, her attitude. I know many people tell me if her grades are good and she is out of trouble, I shouldn't care about the teenage attitude. However this is not the case! She gives me grief about everything, from watching her little sister, to taking out the trash, etc. I can't stand it, every little thing has to be a gigantic stormy mess.
Second, she sulks whenever she can't have something she wants, but luckily for her, the boyfriend comes through every time I say no. This young man works so hard at is fast food job that at 16 he is already a crew trainer, works 5 days a week this summer, and brings home the bread every time. The latest argument was about getting a Coach handbag. I told her no, if you want to get a Coach handbag, get a job and pay for it yourself or wait until your birthday. So she sulked to the boyfriend and he bought her a $500 fullsize bag on the spot!! Mind you that really gets on my nerves!!
Third, whenever she tries to get a job, she considers herself "above" working at many places like McDonald's, Burger King, Checkers, etc. She only wanted to work for Starbucks, Abercrombie, and Hollister, needless to say, she never got any of these jobs.
She brings me to tears sometimes. What happened to my sweet little girl bringing me a flower from our garden and saying "for you, mommy!" .
Sincerely,
-Jerie
Change your attitude if you ever want to change hers. I've been very frustrated with my daughter at that age (she's now older, still a little moody at times, but it gets better) but not once would I say that I hate what she is. Kids are not stupid...they are going to pick up on that vibe.
She sounds like a normal, even above average, teen with some entitlement issues (which you've allowed)....so pick one behavioral concern that you have, and work on that...calmly and without so much dislike.
Picking one thing, I'd chose the job. Focus on that. Don't stop until it happens. Ground her until she gets a job. Take her phone away until she gets job. Do whatever it takes for her to get a job. If she can't talk to or see her boyfriend until she gets a job, she'll get a job fast.
Picking one thing, I'd chose the job. Focus on that. Don't stop until it happens. Ground her until she gets a job. Take her phone away until she gets job. Do whatever it takes for her to get a job. If she can't talk to or see her boyfriend until she gets a job, she'll get a job fast.
Why the emphasis on a job? I agree most teens can work part time while is school (mine did)...but not having one is not a grounding offense. Honestly....talk about overkill here.
Many great teens do not have jobs. Not having a job does have natural consequences (less spending money is the big one) if the parent follows through on that.
Picking one thing, I'd chose the job. Focus on that. Don't stop until it happens. Ground her until she gets a job. Take her phone away until she gets job. Do whatever it takes for her to get a job. If she can't talk to or see her boyfriend until she gets a job, she'll get a job fast.
Why would that be the hill you would choose for your death? She's 15. Many places just don't hire 15 year olds.
I just found this forum when I was searching for parenting advice.
My name is Jerie (single mom) and I am a mom to a beautiful 15-year-old daughter who lately I can't seem to stand. She is doing well in school, maintains almost all "B's" etc. and has no criminal record and for the most part, stays out of trouble. Lately however she has been doing things that really boil my blood!
First, her attitude. I know many people tell me if her grades are good and she is out of trouble, I shouldn't care about the teenage attitude. However this is not the case! She gives me grief about everything, from watching her little sister, to taking out the trash, etc. I can't stand it, every little thing has to be a gigantic stormy mess.
Second, she sulks whenever she can't have something she wants, but luckily for her, the boyfriend comes through every time I say no. This young man works so hard at is fast food job that at 16 he is already a crew trainer, works 5 days a week this summer, and brings home the bread every time. The latest argument was about getting a Coach handbag. I told her no, if you want to get a Coach handbag, get a job and pay for it yourself or wait until your birthday. So she sulked to the boyfriend and he bought her a $500 fullsize bag on the spot!! Mind you that really gets on my nerves!!
Third, whenever she tries to get a job, she considers herself "above" working at many places like McDonald's, Burger King, Checkers, etc. She only wanted to work for Starbucks, Abercrombie, and Hollister, needless to say, she never got any of these jobs.
She brings me to tears sometimes. What happened to my sweet little girl bringing me a flower from our garden and saying "for you, mommy!" .
Sincerely,
-Jerie
You have to understand two things.
1. It takes two to tango. If there is a "gigantic stormy mess" brewing over every little thing part of that is your fault. You need to do your part to keep calm, enforce the rules and NOT make everything a "gigantic stormy mess". She can't make that happen by herself.
2. So what if she sulks? Let her sulk. Don't play into her drama. Simply ignore the sulking.
Honestly, I don't think it is that easy for 15 year olds to get jobs.
Why would that be the hill you would choose for your death? She's 15. Many places just don't hire 15 year olds.
I missed that! Most places in my area will not hire a teen until they are at least 16 - some 17...which would also explain why she's not getting hired ....so basically one would be grounding a teen for something she has no control over. Not a good plan if you want to influence positive behavior.
Because she thinks she's too good to work. She's manipulating her boyfriend to buy everything she wants. Ivory's daughter was like that, remember? The OP's daughter is even worse because she's only 15 and getting guys to buy Coach bags for her.
Teens having trouble getting jobs is regional. The OP didn't say she had trouble. She said she thought she was too good for the types of jobs where younger teens typically start out. Many fast food places do hire 15 year olds.
It will help her overcome her entitlement issues if she is required to work, just part time, and responsible to pay for one thing, like her phone.
While it's true many teens don't have jobs, teens with entitlement issues need jobs to learn some humility.
If she cannot get a formal job she could volunteer and receive a minimum wage allowance from her parents for the time spent on a weekly basis. Honestly, I would prefer that than many jobs for kids. I worked fast food as a kid and it presented a lot of trouble. The 21 year old manager used to keep beer in the lettuce coolers. The place was party central.
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