Can't stand teenage girls! (spanking, parent, son, married)
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Manipulating her boyfriend into buying the $500 purse is the most disturbing part of her behavior. That's why I chose getting a job as the one thing to focus. Most everything else the OP mentioned can be typical teenager phase, but the entitlement and manipulation isn't normal to the level she's doing it. That's why I'd cut her off from the people who buy her things until she gets a job.
It doesn't matter that she might not keep the job. As along as nobody buys her anything, she'll learn how to keep a job after losing a few of them because she'll eventually want to earn the money to buy things she wants. She needs to understand that she is cut off from her boyfriend, or any people who buy her things, until she learns how to do respectable work to buy her own stuff. I say respectable work because the way she's getting things isn't respectable---as the previous poster mentioned, her boyfriend isn't buying her stuff for nothing.
Um. You need a work permit to work at most jobs including fast food and you can't get that until you are 16. She could do babysitting or something like that though.
You only need a work permit if you are under the age of 16 and if you can prove financial need or have parental approval.
At the age of 16 you can legally get a job in places that are not age restricted then if the play is age restricted you can still work in the "grill" part only of the "Bar & Grill".
The thing that struck me from your post was that you allowed your 15 year old daughter to accept a $500 gift from her boyfriend.
Frankly, if my teenage daughter did that she would be asked to return the purse to her boyfriend. Of course, my daughter would never have even hinted that her boyfriend should buy her a gift like that. She normally paid/pays her own way on dates to help make sure that the boys/men did not feel "entitled to sex" because of spending money on her (as some boys/men still believe is their "right").
(snip)
It's my guess that if she won't even babysit her younger sister, she won't do well babysitting anyone else. And giving you grief about taking out the trash tells me she probably couldn't handle a real job anyway. I agree with some others here that this problem started a long timeago, and mom is looking for an instant fix. We can give advice all day long, however, this is going to be a long, drawn out process.
And as much as I hesitate to say it: Boyfriend didn't just give that expensive bag for nothing, if you know what I mean. Get her on birth control fast if she's not already.
Great post, sirron.
OP, please get help for your family. If her manipulation of her boyfriend is something fairly new it is possible that with counseling, increased family time and firm rules you may see success and a positive change in your daughter's attitude in just months rather than years.
Dealing with teenage daughters is very difficult! We went through our share of issues with our daughter.
The best thing for her was getting a job! It taught her so much about responsibility, respect, social interactions and just plain REALITY!
I'm not sure why the majority of you are so dead set against it. Personally I think it is the only thing that will help a teenager with major attitude and entitlement issues!
Dealing with teenage daughters is very difficult! We went through our share of issues with our daughter.
The best thing for her was getting a job! It taught her so much about responsibility, respect, social interactions and just plain REALITY!
I'm not sure why the majority of you are so dead set against it. Personally I think it is the only thing that will help a teenager with major attitude and entitlement issues!
IMO, many of the posters who were "against it" were just relaying that in their communities it is hard for someone under age 16 to get a job. Even though most/many/some/? states allow 14 year olds to be employed at certain jobs it is often difficult for someone that young to find work as there are so many older teens and even adults that are unemployed and willing to accept minimum wage jobs.
I agree that holding a job or volunteering can make a tremendous difference in how a teen views the world.
IMO, many of the posters who were "against it" were just relaying that in their communities it is hard for someone under age 16 to get a job. Even though most/many/some/? states allow 14 year olds to be employed at certain jobs it is often difficult for someone that young to find work as there are so many older teens and even adults that are unemployed and willing to accept minimum wage jobs.
Most thought it was overboard and weren't making the connection to how it will help her with entitlement and manipulation. It's clear the OP's city isn't one where younger teens are having a hard time finding jobs because the daughter's boyfriend is a fast food crew trainer at 16 years old. I guarantee her boyfriend could get her a job where he works.
Manipulating her boyfriend into buying the $500 purse is the most disturbing part of her behavior. That's why I chose getting a job as the one thing to focus. Most everything else the OP mentioned can be typical teenager phase, but the entitlement and manipulation isn't normal to the level she's doing it. That's why I'd cut her off from the people who buy her things until she gets a job.
It doesn't matter that she might not keep the job. As along as nobody buys her anything, she'll learn how to keep a job after losing a few of them because she'll eventually want to earn the money to buy things she wants. She needs to understand that she is cut off from her boyfriend, or any people who buy her things, until she learns how to do respectable work to buy her own stuff. I say respectable work because the way she's getting things isn't respectable---as the previous poster mentioned, her boyfriend isn't buying her stuff for nothing.
I agree. The bf buying her these things needs to stop.
Dealing with teenage daughters is very difficult! We went through our share of issues with our daughter.
The best thing for her was getting a job! It taught her so much about responsibility, respect, social interactions and just plain REALITY!
I'm not sure why the majority of you are so dead set against it. Personally I think it is the only thing that will help a teenager with major attitude and entitlement issues!
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
IMO, many of the posters who were "against it" were just relaying that in their communities it is hard for someone under age 16 to get a job. Even though most/many/some/? states allow 14 year olds to be employed at certain jobs it is often difficult for someone that young to find work as there are so many older teens and even adults that are unemployed and willing to accept minimum wage jobs.
I agree that holding a job or volunteering can make a tremendous difference in how a teen views the world.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes
Most thought it was overboard and weren't making the connection to how it will help her with entitlement and manipulation. It's clear the OP's city isn't one where younger teens are having a hard time finding jobs because the daughter's boyfriend is a fast food crew trainer at 16 years old. I guarantee her boyfriend could get her a job where he works.
In rereading the posts, I think that you are right.
Although, a quick google search showed why the daughter didn't get a job a Starbucks. It says that it is company policy to not hire teens under age 16.
I think your expectations of the money coming from others/society might be too high in this economy let alone leaving her to a potential environment of complete shyte. Anyhow, I'm talking about volunteering at a hospital, for hospice, an animal shelter, the science museum, etc. for 4 hours per week (typical ime) not paying her to do chores. Something worthwhile that could actually teach her something about people and life.
It might be regional, but here you have to be 18 for many volunteer positions, the humane society being one of them.
I felt this way about my teenage daughter until I began working with "severely emotionally disturbed" kids. I counted myself lucky, but, I do advise parents get and read PET,( parental education training). Before their kids get into school. At the teen years it's most needed. Good Luck!
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