Please any advice? I'm worried about my daughter. (daycare, ADHD, ideas)
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I am a mother of 3 and am desperate. My middle daughter is 7 and has some issues I am very worried about. She has always had issues and I always hoped it would just get better but it's not. She used to play with her poop, rub it on herself, the walls, her brother and sisters things if they upset her. She doesn't listen and never has. She basically does what she wants. She screams instead of talks, lies nonstop, doesn't understand personal space, hurts her little brother, steals (from me, her siblings, the store), she is always in trouble. In daycare before she went to school she would go under the table or stand on it and scream, at school she lies and argues with the teacher, at ballet she is always in trouble, she still wets the bed every night without fail, then hides the pull-up under something because she's just to lazy to throw it away. She doesn't use ctoilet paper, ever!!!, not with bm not ever, even though I've explained to her and pleaded with her and showed her how to do so. She doesn't clean up ever, it's always a fight, even then after hours she won't. She refuses to eat anything that I make, she sneaks food, candy, Nutella, really anything she can reach, I've put locks on the pantry and it doesn't matter, she has bowel issues because she doesn't eat right. She is almost on level grade wise so I know she is learning but her behavior reminds me of a toddler. Her brother who is 3 years younger is already passed her in behavior and honestly academically. I can leave the room to go to the restroom and when I come back she will literally have destroyed the room covering it I'm water, glue, paint, really anything she can find. She writes on the wall then denies it even after signing her name. She is not allowed to use a sink alone because she will cover everything with water (she still sneaks and does this anyway). I love my daughter, I'm scared and I'm worried. I've taken her to the dr and worried they want her to see a specialist and what could be going on. I adore her and would do anything for her and it has taken me a very long time to reach our and say I can't do this alone please help me. Her siblings are both very well behaved and actually very advanced for their ages and I think she is a very bright, sweet, loving girl. I just don't know how to help her. Any advice please. I can't tell you how many times I have stayed up crying worried there was something really wrong with her. I am terrified.
I think you definitely need to take her to a specialist.
What are you doing for discipline? You've mentioned all the troubling behaviors but not what you are doing to correct it. That is important to know.
Another thing is about personal hygeine. Sometimes you just have those kids that do not clean themselves. You can talk until you're blue in the face but they just won't do it. Honestly, sometimes it takes another kid to say something to them.
One of mine wouldn't shower. Just wouldn't. It took a kid at school to say something to her about her hair to change that. This was after about 4 years of my brow beating.
All the other things you mentioned are attention getters. You can try to praise the good and focus on that. Do not mention a word about her not cleaning up. Focus on the others doing as they should.
For the junk food. Don't buy any and throw away what you have.
Mine complained about what I cooked so I went on strike. They got peanut butter and jelly sandwiches every day for dinner. It took three days of that and they cracked and ate what I gave them.
If you have not shared this information, in detail, with her pediatrician please do it today. He or she can make a referral to a pediatric psychologist who can evaluate your daughter and help plan a treatment program. Being referred to a specialist is a good thing not something to worry about.
On the bright side, if your daughter's behavior is not serious enough to effect her classroom and school life enough for her to have been referred to a special education program then it is hopeful that though family counseling and treatment she will be able to overcome her difficulties.
Please take your daughter to a developmental pediatrician for evaluation. This is obviously not normal behavior for her age and she needs help. The developmental pediatrician can give her a dx and tell you what therapists she needs.
Some of what you said in your post sounds like sensory issues. You may want to read The Out-of-Sync Child by Carol Stock Kranowitz - you should be able to get it at your library and it may give you some ideas of things to do that can help her with that part of the picture. The Out-of-Sync Child Has Fun can give you activities to use once you figure out what sensory processing systems need to be worked on.
Thank you and yes I have taken her to the dr last week actually and no I haven't made that specialist appointment yet but I will today. I have done all disciplinary actions I can think of. Grounded, sparked, rewarded good behavior. Taken things away. Honestly I have seen no difference at all. Her teacher also had a reward and punishment plan set up at school and said my daughter was the first child she has ever seen that it made zero difference and she is the one who recommended speaking to her doctor.
My best friend had a cousin whose son was like this. He would go as far as to smear poop on the bath towels and then fold them up so the poop was on the inside, and when someone taking a shower grabbed the towel they got poop on their face and in their hair. His parents never did anything about it, just did whatever he wanted to get him to shut up and sit down.
You are right it didn't happen over night. She has had some issues since birth. I have worked with kids for 10 years and I have been a mom for 12 and I have tried everything I can think of and perhaps you are right I am just fed up with it. I've spoken to her dr several times and had her tested for a few things trying to find our why she is bed wetting and all they said in the end is physically she is fine and will grow out of it in time. I have spoken to her dr about the behavior and until recently he said she will grow out of it. The dr said he could get a referral once she was evaluated at school and I have done that. She has a referral now and an appointment. I am worried about her and have always tried to be there for her. I thought somehow I was better equipped and had more training and could handle it on my own but I need listen to the specialist and see what they say now. I DO NOT FEEL she is autistic. She is a very sweet very beautiful child and she is a little underweight but I give her vitamins and try to cover every need. Today after diner I ran a bath and when she came in there she went to the restroom and didn't wipe. I reminded her with a smile and she did then I saw her clothes and noticed she had put on a pull up again (which I don't allow unless she is sleeping because she is potty trained) and it was of coarse full of urine. I just don't know what else to do. While I made dinner she took her sisters book and wrote squiggly lines on every page. She does these things then just sits there innocently like she isn't aware she just did them. My 4 year old wouldn't but she would and it frustrates me. I have loved her since conception and will love her until the end of time. I want what's best for her and I'm worried about her. Her behavior makes eating out hard or even going to someone's house. Watching my 4 year old pass her in some aspects is hard. She is smart though and sweet. She can read, write, she even likes to write poems and she is such a little artist. She has set a fire before and I can no longer light candles and hide matches. She has this what I thought was an adorable little habit. She will (she still does this) crawls into bed with me and she has to put her hand on my face and say I love you mommy. She will fall asleep like that and even asleep if I move her hand she will find my face and put her hand back and all the while fast asleep. I wonder now I this is a red flag I don't know. I have to admit I'm desperate. I want the best in the world for her. I know I also dedicate more time to her than the other kids but I have to she needs the attention. I love my child
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