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There are a few things that bother me about your posts.
In the first post, you said she will hide pull ups because she's too lazy to throw them away.
In this last post, you say you don't allow pull ups.
She isn't hiding her pull ups because she's lazy. She's hiding them because she doesn't want to get in trouble! Just the very fact you "don't allow them" indicates that you are making her feel badly about it. Why the heck would you not allow your daughter to wear pull ups when she clearly NEEDS them?!?!?!!
Your over controlling the toilet issue is probably what has caused this to go on for so many years! You can't force a child to be potty trained with rules. It's the only power they have over their own bodies. nobody can force them to urinate and defecate.
I'm sure she's not wiping feces around at school. The fact she's doing it at home means it's a power struggle with you. You said it's always a fight. That's where you failed. This is a battle you will NOT ever win. You need a different approach.
I won't even give recommendations since she's so old. It's time for you to seek professionals and follow their recommendations. She needs a child psychologist and YOU need to do exactly what the child psychologist says.
We didn't allow pullups/diapers with my 2 year old durring the day either. Only at nap and dinner time, since she is otherwise potty trained. She resisted at times, but consistancy is key with most children, and after a while she accepted it.
OP sounds like she's dealing with another issue here, but considering she has other children that are well balanced and adjusted proves it's not faulty parenting style, but that this particular girl needs help or a different approach. Best of luck OP, sounds like you'll need it.
Your fear of a diagnosis has prevented you from getting your child treatment when often early intervention is vital for the best outcome. Don't let you fear cause you to delay again.
You have my sympathy. It must be very difficult for you right now.
Emphasizing again that you need to find some help you feel okay with - get recommendations - and then you will need to follow his instructions to the letter. And you probably are going to have more trouble doing this than anything else you've done in your life.
You may not agree with everything he says, but consistency and predictability will be a key factor in helping your daughter and that's where your concern has to be put into action.
Do you have a Tough Love group available near you? If they are still around they can be excellent support. If not, ask your therapist for a referral to a support group because you'll need encouragement from others going through the same problems.
You are right it didn't happen over night. She has had some issues since birth. I have worked with kids for 10 years and I have been a mom for 12 and I have tried everything I can think of and perhaps you are right I am just fed up with it. I've spoken to her dr several times and had her tested for a few things trying to find our why she is bed wetting and all they said in the end is physically she is fine and will grow out of it in time. I have spoken to her dr about the behavior and until recently he said she will grow out of it. The dr said he could get a referral once she was evaluated at school and I have done that. She has a referral now and an appointment. I am worried about her and have always tried to be there for her. I thought somehow I was better equipped and had more training and could handle it on my own but I need listen to the specialist and see what they say now. I DO NOT FEEL she is autistic.
You're right about this I think...the lying and lashing out behaviors , autistic kids are incapable of from what I understand, but it could definitely be a sensory processing problem.
There are a few things that bother me about your posts.
In the first post, you said she will hide pull ups because she's too lazy to throw them away.
In this last post, you say you don't allow pull ups.
She isn't hiding her pull ups because she's lazy. She's hiding them because she doesn't want to get in trouble! Just the very fact you "don't allow them" indicates that you are making her feel badly about it. Why the heck would you not allow your daughter to wear pull ups when she clearly NEEDS them?!?!?!!
Your over controlling the toilet issue is probably what has caused this to go on for so many years! You can't force a child to be potty trained with rules. It's the only power they have over their own bodies. nobody can force them to urinate and defecate.
I'm sure she's not wiping feces around at school. The fact she's doing it at home means it's a power struggle with you. You said it's always a fight. That's where you failed. This is a battle you will NOT ever win. You need a different approach.
I won't even give recommendations since she's so old. It's time for you to seek professionals and follow their recommendations. She needs a child psychologist and YOU need to do exactly what the child psychologist says.
I allow her pull-ups at night not during the day. She is 7 and potty trained she doesn't need them during the day. I have spoken to the dr and yes she has been doing it a long time. Yes she has done it twice at school but last year not in the first grade. I do work at a school yes and I have spoken even to the counselor at my work who felt she knew me well and possibly things were to structured and she needed time to express herself. I apparently run on bedtime, dinner time and a rather set schedule for my kids. She may need some time to express herself which is why I put her in dance and soccer, I even signed her up for art classes.
Ohhhh, now I get it. You're one of those kinds of parents.
I'd be smearing **** on the walls if I were her too. I didn't do well with a lot of overstimulation and structure or overbearing personalities, it always made me angry. Left alone, I'm a sweetie.
Just give her room to be herself, a lot of downtime and back off. It'll work wonders. I have a feeling she's a hypersensitive artistic kid lashing out when she feels overwhelmed because no one is noticing that she is overwhelmed. These kids can be hard to "mirror".
Otherwise she will develop anxiety issues if she doesn't already have them.
Look at this The Highly Sensitive Child Does any of this sound familiar? Is she overstimulated? Or is she just a little sociopath?
It's funny how simply asking for advice because you are concerned can bring out all this. So far I am an imcinsistant parent, I shame my child, I wouldn't get we help because I fear a diagnosis and need cps called. I take it all with a major grain of salt because the knowledge you guys have is limited knowledge of our lives. I can tell you this however I don't believe in shaming as a punishment, I also have tried many types of discipline, what I didn't say is it was recommended by her dr and we tried one for months and after no results we would try something else, I wasn't just jumping from one to the next. Also I became good friends with both her kindergarten and first grade teachers because I was always talking to them and working with them and keeping them up to date as well as keeping up to date with her at school, I mean both these women have been to my home we spoke so much. Her dr has been aware of her progress from day one and while I said I fear what the specialist will say I am not and never have denied her treatment due to my fears. I fear because I know it means a harder road for her and I don't want that but if she has something so be it. As far as cps that's just a joke really my kids are very well taken care of and no one in their right mind would take them so I am not even worried in the least as far as that goes. What I was asking is on a bigger platform than simply speaking to the dr and teachers and friends if anyone had advice or has been through something similar or know someone who has or even what have you read or have any other advice to offer. The judging I don't mind because you don't really know me but other moms in my situation possibly do fear judgment and being told they are just being a bad mom and perhaps that's why some moms don't seek the help their child needs. Maybe less judging and more helping would make this world a better place. I fear for my daughter being judged by people just like that, people that offer judgment rather than understanding. People who will see her behaviors and actions and treat her badly or say harsh things. So a little advice from me is next time you think someone should try a different approach in parenting instead of saying judgmental things, be helpful, say hey if that didn't work I hear this might or have you read this book or may help.
Ohhhh, now I get it. You're one of those kinds of parents.
I'd be smearing **** on the walls if I were her too. I didn't do well with a lot of overstimulation and structure or overbearing personalities, it always made me angry. Left alone, I'm a sweetie.
Just give her room to be herself, a lot of downtime and back off. It'll work wonders. I have a feeling she's a hypersensitive artistic kid lashing out when she feels overwhelmed because no one is noticing that she is overwhelmed. These kids can be hard to "mirror".
Otherwise she will develop anxiety issues if she doesn't already have them.
Look at this The Highly Sensitive Child Does any of this sound familiar? Is she overstimulated? Or is she just a little sociopath?
As far as this poster I agree with you more than anyone though you don't actually know me you are right I am very structured I keep a planner full of activities I try to keep them all active. While I can take the "or she is just a little psychopath" thing as a joke I don't like, you are correc she does seem to be the artstic type perhaps I should back off. I will if that's what she needs.
Find a licensed MFT in your area that specialized in Child Development Issues. MFTs generally have the same training as psychologists, put specialize in family issues.
A good one will direct you through the process and tell you what they need.
Remember only a Psychiatrist can prescribe medication.
You can't make the diagnosis yourself, (even though I am not a therapist - my fiance is one, as are many of many of my friends - I think she is on the somewhere on the autism spectrum) Many times even professional therapists are wrong and make misdiagnosis that can effect a child for life.
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