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and while I said I fear what the specialist will say I am not and never have denied her treatment due to my fears. I fear because I know it means a harder road for her and I don't want that but if she has something so be it.
She already has a hard road. Initially, you did say you didn't call the specialist because you feared the diagnosis. I'm glad you made an appointment. There's nothing to fear. Once she's diagnosed and receiving appropriate treatment, your daughter can actually start making progress. Nobody is going to put a label on her forehead. Other kids won't know her diagnosis. The teachers will have to help her if she qualifies for an IEP or a 504. Your fearing the worst isn't helping. Don't focus on what she won't be able to accomplish. Instead focus on what she will be able to accomplish.
As far as this poster I agree with you more than anyone though you don't actually know me you are right I am very structured I keep a planner full of activities I try to keep them all active. While I can take the "or she is just a little psychopath" thing as a joke I don't like, you are correc she does seem to be the artstic type perhaps I should back off. I will if that's what she needs.
lol Thank you! I do apologize for coming on strong, I won't lie- I have my own anger issues stemming from my childhood which was alternating very neglectful (my parents who were sadistic and selfish) and very overwhelming (my environment in Queens NY). I was probably just projecting
You have my sympathy and admiration for being so flexible and mature about this Your daughter is very lucky and clearly loves you
You're right about this I think...the lying and lashing out behaviors , autistic kids are incapable of from what I understand, but it could definitely be a sensory processing problem.
This is untrue. Some autistic children are quite capable of lying and lashing out. If you meet one autistic child, you only know that one. ASD is a wide spectrum. ASD children are usually not good at covering up their lies, but they can lie.
Kids will go to great lengths for your attention. In your daughter's eye, negative reinforcement is better than no attention at all. Put away the day planner, and start spending quality time with this child. Her needs are different from your other children. Nobody should feel they need to start a fire to get their mom's attention. All of your daughter's methods are working, because each bad act gets your abrupt attention. The only way you can change her behavior, is by changing your behavior. I'm sure it's not easy working full time and raising three children alone, but your middle child requires more one-on-one time with mommy.
There is nothing to fear. No one wants to call CPS on you. You sound like a loving mother, but you seem misinformed about getting help. This may have to do with your own upbringing, but your dd is not you and both you and she need help.
Perhaps I'm misinformed and hopefully I can address this with the dr and become better informed and putting away the day planner and just have some family time could never hurt so yes I will try that as well. Trust me I will not diagnose her myself nor am I 100% there even needs to be a diagnosis. If I'm told to adjust my parenting with her and my approach I will, if I'm told to back off I will, if I'm told she is autistic I will read every book I can find on autism and become as informed as humanly possible because that's who I am, I will research it till I know as much as I can. I will basically do whatever the dr recommends and accept any diagnosis and follow any plan he lays out. The advice and encouragement is very much appreciated thank you. I may over due things with the kids and she may need a break and just more one on one with me, she rarely sees her father and when she does stay the night at his house she has woken up screaming for me and wanting to go home. Perhaps she needs more mommy time (and no her behavior is no better at his house). I've been asked by my 12 year old to stop cutting her sandwiches in shapes and cutting up her grapes because.... Well because she says she is 12. I will post an update and say what the dr does say. Again THANK YOU for the advice and encouragement
Perhaps I'm misinformed and hopefully I can address this with the dr and become better informed and putting away the day planner and just have some family time could never hurt so yes I will try that as well. Trust me I will not diagnose her myself nor am I 100% there even needs to be a diagnosis. If I'm told to adjust my parenting with her and my approach I will, if I'm told to back off I will, if I'm told she is autistic I will read every book I can find on autism and become as informed as humanly possible because that's who I am, I will research it till I know as much as I can. I will basically do whatever the dr recommends and accept any diagnosis and follow any plan he lays out. The advice and encouragement is very much appreciated thank you. I may over due things with the kids and she may need a break and just more one on one with me, she rarely sees her father and when she does stay the night at his house she has woken up screaming for me and wanting to go home. Perhaps she needs more mommy time (and no her behavior is no better at his house). I've been asked by my 12 year old to stop cutting her sandwiches in shapes and cutting up her grapes because.... Well because she says she is 12. I will post an update and say what the dr does say. Again THANK YOU for the advice and encouragement
Please do update us after you see the specialist. If we can help with suggestions on other things, I am sure there are people here who can help. I agree with others that she wants your attention. I also agree with others that you need to be more flexible rather than following a day planner all the time. Good luck. If she does have autism, be very careful of internet research as there is a lot of bad information out there especially on the biomedical side of the equation. Let your specialist be your guide, but also look to other parents - support groups can be very helpful.
This is untrue. Some autistic children are quite capable of lying and lashing out. If you meet one autistic child, you only know that one. ASD is a wide spectrum. ASD children are usually not good at covering up their lies, but they can lie.
It could be other things, but until the mom has a specialist do the ADOS test, autism cannot be ruled out.
"Children with autism will tell white lies to protect other people's feelings"
I have also heard that autism is over diagnosed i.e. there are "autistic kids" who genuinely are not autistic. Much like those kids who are "ADHD" but have no trouble sitting still when they want to, yet throw tantrums when they don't get what they want - oh and what's that? Mom and dad spoil the hell out of them? No, you don't say!
Sure autistics *can* lie but the OP said that her child "lies constantly" meaning there is something going on here besides autism. She is either rebelling, lashing out in anger, is sociopathic, or has trouble distinguishing reality from fiction. It's not autism.
"Children with autism will tell white lies to protect other people's feelings"
I have also heard that autism is over diagnosed i.e. there are "autistic kids" who genuinely are not autistic. Much like those kids who are "ADHD" but have no trouble sitting still when they want to, yet throw tantrums when they don't get what they want - oh and what's that? Mom and dad spoil the hell out of them? No, you don't say!
Sure autistics *can* lie but the OP said that her child "lies constantly" meaning there is something going on here besides autism. She is either rebelling, lashing out in anger, is sociopathic, or has trouble distinguishing reality from fiction. It's not autism.
No, autism is not over-diagnosed. There are certainly children who are misdiagnosed, but girls are often under-diagnosed because they present so differently from autistic boys.
You may be correct that it is not autism in this particular case, but you cannot dx over the internet because you are not a developmental pediatrician and the child has not been tested. Autism often is co-morbid with other conditions as well.
ADHD doesn't mean a child cannot sit still. In fact, ADHD kids often *overfocus* when the subject is one they love. You are misinformed about ADHD as well. The fact that a child can sit still does not mean s/he is not ADHD.
ADHD is misdiagnosed often in the youngest kids because other conditions can mimic it.
Both ADHD and ASD can be misdiagnosed if the diagnosis is not done by knowledgeable professionals because the dx is behavior based and there is no good medical test. Eventually, though, these tests will come, I think.
Note that the research shows that the earliest markers of autism appear between 2 and 6 months of age.
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Your daughter is very lucky and clearly loves you 
